evile: hey :)
SkyeDS: hola chica :) glad Rollins was good last night, I still need
to explore him.
evile: ooh, baby. me tooooooo
evile: He was amazingly funny, in among being very angry & articulate
and aware of things in the world.
evile: and he's childfree :)
SkyeDS: :D
evile: He got on stage right at 8, talked for 2.5 hours straight,
didn't take a sip of water, didn't sit down, just TALKED.
ARticulately and intelligently and ....wow.
SkyeDS: brains = sexy
evile: And the bod aint' bad either.
evile: I thought I'd just be staring at the biceps all night, but his
thighs and ass were quite compelling as well :P
SkyeDS: *grins*
evile: He also had some interesting ideas about anger and hate--that
they are appropriate and good, as long as you choose to be angry and
hate the right things. He talked about giving money to a local
orphanage not so much because he likes the kids, but because he
fucking hates the meth-head assholes who couldn't be bothered to be
parents after they brought the kids into the world.
SkyeDS: love what sineater posted about the laws of human stupidity, t oo
good
evile: *nod* My friend Wiley posted that in his LJ a while back,
funny how things go 'round.
SkyeDS: kind of in line with t he Rudyard Kipling - If
SkyeDS: about not lying and not hating even when people lie and hate
on you
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: when I f irst read that I thought, well, not lying isn't hard
because it isn't in my nature and nothing external is going to put it
there
SkyeDS: but not hating, I have to think about that
evile: yup
SkyeDS: but after thinking long and hard, I thought, you know, I
don't really hate
SkyeDS: I don't want them to go away mad
SkyeDS: I don't want to go away mad myself
SkyeDS: I just want them to go away
evile: yup
evile: OMG, chrisloy may be closer to achieving understanding. I
admire whoever told her the straight-up truth: "Last night I was also
told by a friend that she didn't want to be any closer due to my
chaotic life. Understandable. It hurts, but understandable."
SkyeDS: wow
evile: yeah.
evile: My boss is letting me leave at noon tomorrow. I need to get an
emergency hair cut and get ready to go to TRF Saturday w/[Cousin B]
SkyeDS: I must listen to dcd too
SkyeDS: I was not aware the lead singer sang in Gladiator
SkyeDS: I wonder if she's actually going to learn and having done so
wean herself off drama because of the pain, or not
evile: One would hope. We'll see. I suppose it would be helpful if
more people were honest with her about why they keep their distance.
I know I don't have the tits to flat out say it like that, but I
pretty much agree with her friend.
SkyeDS: sineater has been brutally, frankly honest with her. She behaves
like she doesn't even speak English when he does.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and I"m not just taking his word for it either. I've heard
him do it. Many times.
evile: yup.
evile: I feel bad for her but ... I just can't take crisis du jour
stuff. I don't have it in me to be supportive and loving and giving
as much as she seems to need it.
SkyeDS: she doesn't want a fishing pole, she just wants to be fed fish
SkyeDS: she doesn't want emotional hands up, she wants emotional
hands out.
evile: I do give that impression.
SkyeDS: and I don't know what parallel universe she's living in, but
she takes kaleon's word about sineater's situation over sineater'S word about
his situation.
SkyeDS: and then wants to know why sineater is the way he is with her.
SkyeDS: I mean, it's like a five year old asking over and over, why
gravity hurts you when you drive off a cliff, or why 2 + 2 = 4.
evile: I've told her more than once, if sineater is satisfied with the
way his life is, there's nothing you can, or should, do to interfere.
SkyeDS: why doesn't she believe him when he says he's happy is what I
don't get.
SkyeDS: I mean good gawd, ya'll, if he weren't, there are so many
people who would rescue him in a heartbeat, why would he stay where
he wasn't happy?
SkyeDS: and why would he lie about it?
evile: He is a working, taxpaying, reasonably sane adult citizen, he
has every right to make his own choices in life.
evile: They might not be the choices she would have made, in teh same
situation, but it's not her call to make.
SkyeDS: she once told him that starting a new relationship with
someone else would solve all his problems with me
SkyeDS: and he said, yeah right. a new relationship with you, no
doubt.
evile: Lots of poly people seem to think that.
SkyeDS: doesn't work that way, as the experts have unanimously stated.
SkyeDS: and she revealed motivation right there, I can't believe she
doesn't know she did.
SkyeDS: the instant those words came out of her mouth, he tossed her
into round file 13 with all the other women who think that they're
going to take him away from me, convert him from poly back to mono
(while remaining poly themselves, most of them) and take the horses,
the bird and the ranch with him w hile they're at it.
evile: thats very sad
SkyeDS: if that's what you're after, you have to try harder not to be
so obvious about it
SkyeDS: he doesn't like those motivations any more than I do
SkyeDS: and if he wanted saving, don't you think that he would have
already gone off with one of the MANY women trying to do just that?
evile: people need to think of what htey can bring TO a relationship,
not what they can get FROM it.
SkyeDS: relationships = contracts to most people
SkyeDS: they keep score
SkyeDS: I'll give you a b c IF you reciprocally give me x y z
SkyeDS: score is kept to determine winners and losers
SkyeDS: why would anyone want a win/lose situation in a relationship?
SkyeDS: which is what happens when you start counting how many times
you've given abc more than you've gotten xyz
evile: It's truly unfortunate that so many people think that
way...keeping score, I own my partner(s) , etc.
SkyeDS: I'm not saying it's easy not to keep score. I have to fight
that myself.
evile: We are all human, we have to keep working on ourselves and our
relationships to keep them healthy.
SkyeDS: I honestly do wish these folks happiness
SkyeDS: I don't wish misery on anybody
SkyeDS: and too, if they were happier, they'd leave the rest of us
alone
SkyeDS: I just hope she sits down and says, ok, how could I avoid
this hurt in future?
evile: exactly.
evile: OK, I'm going to get ready for my meeting with HR. BRB :)
SkyeDS: Good Luck!!! <hugs>
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