617I kiss off thewordnerd!

Oct. 4, 2005

 

 

thewordnerd wrote,
@ 2005-10-03 18:49:00
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Current mood: good

An open letter to folks who don't like me . . .
This is going to seem like total drama-whoring. All I can say is that
if you genuinely think that it is, then you don't know me or the type
of person that I am at all. :)

Anyone who has read me for any amount of time knows that this journal
has, quite often, been at the receiving end of some pretty raw
emotions. What can I say? Historically I've not had a good support
network, and this happened to be where I'd hash things out, for better
or worse. This is starting to change, and the trend of more emotional
posts is dropping off markably, with various frustrations either
lessening to more managable levels or being handled individually, but
I can't promise that this will always be the case.

It's come to my attention recently that someone whom I've considered
to be a friend, someone who maintains a pretence of civilness and
friendship toward me, may be making some unflattering/insulting
comments about me behind my back to other mutual friends, the gist of
which are that I'm a "big baby," and that some of my friends really
aren't friends (the irony of someone seeming insulting then
questioning others' friendships amuses me. :) This all is second-hand,
so I'm not going to act on it in any way other than being somewhat
more careful with the person in question. And, truth be told, I don't
much care what this person (or many others, for that matter) thinks of
me. I used to be the kind of person that everyone liked . . . but
everyone likes water, because it's bland and flavorless. Not everyone
likes Shiner Bock, or Lone Star, or <insert favorite beer here>,
though there are certainly folks who are passionate about each (though
I worry for anyone who is passionate about Lone Star. :) I could get
hung up and upset about the fact that this person (and, quite
possibly, others) don't like me or are making disparaging comments
about me to others, or I could simply say "Well, you don't like me.
Lots of others do, so I won't waste the time and effort on you."

So here's an offer. If you don't like me, feel free to unfriend me. If
you regularly read my writings and find yourself thinking "Geez, that
thewordnerd is such a baby, or a whiner,, or so immature," or anything else
negative, then I won't take it personally if you stop reading
entirely. But this journal is for me, and I'd rather not have anything
to do with people who don't like me, or think I'm whiny, or whatever.
And that isn't whining. :) It's just a simple statement of who I am
and want to be. I'm focusing my time and energy these days on becoming
a better person, and a big part of that is surrounding myself with
cool people who can read that I'm lonely on a Saturday night and are
willing to understand why, or can read my rather caustic rants about a
work situation and understand the frustrations of discrimination . . .
or, more importantly, can read the things I write and understand that
they're often written precisely because I don't have folks to call up
for distractions or can't just call someone up if I need company
(though, again, this is changing and is less of an issue.) If you're
the type of person who's going to other friends and being disparaging
then I'd rather not have you reading these things about me. While LJ
"friendship" may be a rather poor name for the concept, those who are
on my friendslist are there because I care about them in some form.
Either I care about you because I value you as an RL friend, or I
enjoy reading the things that you write, or like keeping up with your
lives, but I don't namecall or disparage anyone on my list. If I did
then I'd simply take you off first, because if I don't care about you
then I certainly wouldn't want to read the things you wrote.

And, no. I'm not going to cut people for not commenting, not having
spoken to me lately, or anything silly like that. :) While I do admit
to skipping the occasional entry when I'm behind, I do read everything
that crosses my friendslist, even if I don't comment as much as I
should. I'm also not going to argue about this post's content, enter
into any tangential discussions on vaguely-related issues, or anything
of the sort. I guess it's sorta reverse friendslist cleaning. If you
don't like me, would rather jump to quick pop psychology/culture
conclusions than actually try to understand, find that most of your
interactions with me are to snark or insult, etc. then I'd rather lose
an LJ friend than continue in an LJ "friendship," writing things that
you simply rant about behind my back.

Anyway, as I've said, I'm not upset or anything, and I'm actually
interpreting the fact that some don't like me as a good sign, as an
indication that I'm becoming more like the person I want to be and
some don't like that person. :) If that turns some off, though, then
I'd rather be up-front and civil about it instead of sneaky, insulting
and potentially hurtful.


==============================
quite honestly
bramblekite
2005-10-03 21:03
I would question the motives of a 'friend' who was telling you that
another 'friend' was talking shit about you....what exactly did that
friend have to accomplish by causing you to be suspicious and start
guarding your words in what should be the company of people you like
and trust? That kind of tattling bullshit is pure highschool drama
shit-stirring, and people who do it are not true friends, IMHO.

Honestly, I don't think there's any of my friends that I blow sunshine
up their butts 24/7 and always think they're wonderful people.
Sometimes my friends annoy me and I need to bitch about it to someone
I hope I can trust to keep my confidence, and not take it personally
or go telling our mutual friend that I don't like them. Because
obviously, I DO, or I would not listen to their whiney crap endlessly
if I didn't care and want to be there for them in some way. And, yes,
they do the same for me!

So...yeah, there may be times that I got tired of seeing you talking
about the same ol' stuff, and I'm sure there's times you get tired of
seeing me whine about my same ol' stuff in LJ, and that's acceptable.
You are more than welcome to complain to mutual friends "That E sure
is in a rut! I wish she'd quit whining about her damn job and just DO
something already! She's driving me crazy!"

Which does NOT mean I would find it acceptable for the person you
vented at to come tattling to me and telling me "thewordnerd is talking shit
about you!"

Does that make any sense?

=================================
(Reply to this)(Thread)
Re: quite honestly
[info]thewordnerd
2005-10-04 05:05 (link)
Thanks for saying this. I don't necessarily agree with lots of what
you've said, but would like to add a couple points for clarification.

1. Information in and of itself isn't dramatic, and as you've written,
this seems "drama shit-stirring" . . . but we all bear responsibility
for not letting ourselves be stirred, As I've tried to convey above. I
acknowledge that this information is second-hand, so I will not allow
myself to be caught up in independent speculations on its specifics,
and if discussion ensues, I'll either keep it on a civil and
constructive level, or I'll simply choose to walk away. It will not
progress beyond that with me, however, and I appreciate having been
given the information. Information is not dramatic. How one reacts
when given that information is.

2. What I read described in this comment is disagreement. There is a
marked difference between saying "I wish he would stop whining about
his job," and "He's such a fucking baby and needs to shut up already!"
The first is a simple statement of disagreement, which I'm fine with.
The second carries insult and negativity alongside the disagreement,
and if others find themselves expressing their disagreements with me
in this negative, insulting style, well, I don't want that in my life.
It's a bit like inviting someone into your house, offering them
hospitality only to learn that they've gone away complaining to others
about what a bad person you are, which I'm not fine with, as opposed
to someone walking away and simply saying "Wow, I don't like the
psychedelic green paint on those walls," with which I have no problem.
While it is important to react levelly and sanely to any given piece
of information, we do bear a responsibility to ourselves to decide
what we are willing to take from others, and what we clearly are not.
Disagreement I can take. Negativity and insult I will not.

So I was given a piece of information that may or may not be true or
entirely accurate. Given that information, I'm choosing to make a
statement about what I do and do not want in my life and, rather than
assuming that it is accurate and acting upon it, I'm placing whether
or not to do so in the hands of those who may or may not feel this
way. I'll have a civil discussion about the actual problems themselves
should it arise, but if it does not then this will be the extent of
action taken.

========================================

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
Re: quite honestly
[info]bramblekite
2005-10-04 07:47 (link) Delete
You say you don't want drama?

Then allow me to respectfully suggest that instead of taking the word
of friends of questionable motives re: words and actions of other
friends, and posting in LJ about dumping non-specific persons from
your life, that you approach friend who is supposedly calling you
names and badmouthing you DIRECTLY and ask them what's going on.

Just a thought.

=================================

(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
Re: quite honestly
[info]thewordnerd
2005-10-04 18:27 (link)
I think I've written before about how I might post things here from
time to time and not want advice. This is one such time. Why am I now
getting advice when I've asked in the past that others be more careful
about that tendency?

Also, there is much more to this situation that I haven't written
about here, much of which originates from my own experiences and
thoughts on the matter. Suffice it to say that at no point did I claim
to be "dumping" people from my life, especially only on the word of
one person. I didn't include all of the details here because they're
not anyone else's business, and as I was specifically not seeking
advice or approval, I felt no need to include my own experiences,
thoughts and reservations on the subject, thus making what was a
rather simple and well-written post more complicated by adding
superfluous details. I'm also somewhat insulted that my actions were
cast in a much worse light, especially as no effort was made to
clarify the details of the specific situation. I have more sense than
to hear one random comment from a friend and casually "dump" someone
from my life, and nothing in the above post, other than the readers'
own thoughts, says that this is the case. If such assumptions are made
then it is the responsibility of the one making them to be certain
about them before giving well-meaning advice that presupposes a rather
insultingly-low maturity.

I'm sorry for the hostile tone of this, but the tone of the original
wasn't very civil to begin with, and this kind of stuff annoys me,
especially as I worked to be very respectful throughout my own post
and comments, and this type of heavy-handed "I'm going to give you
advice even though you didn't request it, and do so in a way that
tells you what to do instead of asks for clarification" thing really
doesn't sit well with me, especially when it happens in my own
journal, where I should feel comfortable expressing myself and
especially when several have told me privately that this expression
seemed rather reasonable and non-drama-seeking. I'm not receptive to
any more advice on this particular situation, and would rather the
discussion end here and now. It was a simple post expressing a simple
sentiment, and I don't appreciate the complications being introduced.

==========================================
(Reply to this)(Parent) (Thread)
Re: quite honestly
[info]bramblekite
2005-10-04 20:58 (link) Delete
well, you haven't really wanted to hang with me since I expressed a
desire not to be your guide dog...so, bye.

3614Girls Night

Oct. 4, 2005

 

 

Last night was girls' night at Sharjinka's. We ordered pizza and
watched To Wong Foo, which I'd never seen all the way through. It was
really fun. It was me, onyxlynxx, Sharjinka, maggiemaepisces, Terriblelynne, and Kulilinei. I
brought cinnabon cookies, chips & dip, and Tilsburg brown ale (I had
3!). Terri brought jicama watermelon fruit salad. Kulilinei brought
toffee chocolate crack, I mean, COOKIES. Good lord, those things are
RICH! We got Papa John's. It was really great.

Sharjinka has adopted a retired racing greyhound named Pippin, and he
was so sweet. She kept apologizing for how obnoxious he was being
[truthfully, that annoyed me FAR more than anything Pip did!], but I
really didn't think he was being obnoxious at all, just friendly and
sweet. He didn't jump on anybody or lick them or bark or anything
that I'd consider 'obnoxious'. He'd just follow people into the
kitchen, or lean on you or put his head on your knee and give you the
big eyes. It was very endearing. He is a sweet, gentle dog.

I got to bed at a reasonable hour, and feel pretty OK today. As the
alarm was going off, I was dreaming about being at some kind of
summer camp or college w/Mom,and I'd lost my purse, and there was
something about her giving me a hard time about Krav Maga and
something about a computer running the school/camp and having to
press the side of your face against a computer screen to register for
classes...

I have phone duty at work so I leave at 3:08 today, and then at 5:30
I'm taking Krav Maga at the studio closer to my house than the place
I went last summer. [aunt L] will bring [Cousin B] over to our house and I'll
take him to Krav Maga with me & then either drop him home or we'll go
skating. We'll see how that works out. It should be a hoot :) And
we'll talk about weekend plans, whether we want to camp at TRF
(forecast is 80 in the daytime & sunny, 60 at night)

I also have to get to the grocery store tonight, I'm out of
breakfasts & lunches for work after today. I guess I could also think
about shopping for whatever we'll need for Saturday, or maybe save
that for Friday afternoon/evening. I have a lot of stuff I want to do
between the end of the work day and the bellydance show.

I'm taking Monday the 10th off. That should be fun.

I'd also like to get by the mall for Vanilla Spice stuff at the Body
Shop, and I desperately need a fix-up haircut for what Tina did to
me this last time. I want the fringey old lady back turned into
something that looks more like a bob, AND I just noticed this a.m.
that the right and left sides are about 2 inches different in length,
it looks like SHIT!!!! That makes me so mad.

3615new moon energy from Julie C's LJ

Oct. 4, 2005

 

 

New Moon in Libra, annular solar eclipse, Mercury conjunct Jupiter,
Venus into Sagittarius, Mercury into Scorpio
10/03/05 - 10/09/05

Whether you're single or attached, the supercharged energy of the
annular solar eclipse on the 3rd spells relationship success. Good
times keep rolling on the 5th, as Mercury the Messenger conjuncts
generous Jupiter -- prepare for warm chats or travel adventures.
Venus's move into Sagittarius on the 7th will highlight truth in
relationships, and Mercury's arrival in Scorpio on the 8th will endow
us all with a good bit of discretion!

October 3: New Moon in Libra, annular solar eclipse

New Moons come around once a month, giving us all the chance to make
a brand-new start. But this is no ordinary new Moon: It's one of just
two yearly solar eclipses, super-energized events with at least ten
times the oomph of any other Sun-Moon meeting. This time out, you'll
be dealing with an eclipse in partner-oriented Libra. It's a time of
vision and insight, of striking new balance between your goals and
the personal resources you've gathered around you -- really, a golden
opportunity to make a productive, positive change in your
relationship status. You may meet someone new who you're instantly
comfortable with, make a change in a current relationship that will
turn out to be good for both of you, or run into someone you've been
involved with in the past and realize that your feelings haven't gone
anywhere. Regardless, it's time to investigate your options with a
happy heart.

October 5: Mercury conjunct Jupiter

Since ancient times, Mercury has proudly held the title of messenger
of the gods. For obvious reasons, it's not an easy job; but if you've
got wings on your head and your heels, you've definitely got the
right qualifications. Today, this quick-witted, fast-moving guy will
connect with Jupiter, who happens to be famous for generosity,
benevolence and an all-out inability to just say no, regardless of
the question. Put them together in a conjunction, and you've got the
perfect astrological recipe for conversations at the kitchen table
that go on well into the night -- or long-distance trips that include
lots of interesting stops. Since these two planetary characters are
in Libra, a sign that just loves relating on a one-on-one basis,
you'll also have the chance to meet a host of exotic, interesting
people, one of whom may end up becoming much more than a friend.

October 7: Venus into Sagittarius

After weeks of tiptoeing through subtle, sexy Scorpio, lovely Venus --
the planet in charge of our attitudes and behavior in romantic
situations -- has opted for something a lot more direct: blunt,
outgoing Sagittarius. If you've been playing games with a lover
lately, like 'hard to get,' 'not sure I'm interested' or 'if you
loved me, you would,' don't be surprised if one or both of you is
suddenly far more interested in the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth. Venus is also in charge of finances, and
Sagittarius is far from frugal, so you'd better keep a careful eye on
your plastic. But if you're suddenly bitten by the travel bug, find a
way to take a trip. It's prime time.

October 8: Mercury into Scorpio

Yet another cosmic costume-change will occur today, this one with the
power to shake up your world in a very big way. Mercury, the ruler of
all forms of communication -- from casual chitchat to meaningful
glances to barely noticeable shrugs -- will sidle off into subtle
Scorpio. For the next three weeks, this planet-sign combination will
create the perfect astrological atmosphere for whispers, secrets and
confidential exchanges of information. If you've got something to
reveal, but you're not sure you want any more than an audience of one
to hear it, pull them aside now -- while you're astrologically
guaranteed that they'll be discreet.


Astrology.com

 

3616today's ICQs, Kahlua, Sharjinka & skye_ds;

 

E

Oct. 4, 2005

 

 

Kahlua: Howdy :)
evile: hey :)
Kahlua: How're you?
evile: OK.
Kahlua: Better than !OK.
evile: yup.
evile: How are you?
Kahlua: I'm doing alright. Stayed up too late last night, but I'm
functional today.
evile: good :)
Kahlua: slightly bored.
Kahlua: Waiting for hardware to use.
evile: I leave at 3 today. taunt, taunt

Kahlua: Very nice. :)
evile: yup. and my first Krav Maga class in over a year tonight. yay!
Kahlua: Ooh, nice, go crush some nuts for me. :)
evile: haha. that might be fun.
Kahlua: Oh, practice, SORRY.
evile: I'm going with my cousin B. So unless they partner us off with
people of more similar gender/size, he will be my beating partner. I
don't want to crush his nuts...I might want baby cousins someday.
Kahlua: Heheh, you're so kind. :)
evile: that's me. evil yet kind.
evile: I *am* looking forward to beating him in some non-lethal
fashion this evening. Young healthy fit snotty teenager....*mutter*
Kahlua: Heheh. I remember being like that!
evile: Oh, you still ARE. Come to Austin, I'll kick your ass, too.
evile: Anything fun in the Nexus today? I spend the morning trying to
get my work quota mostly done for the day.
Kahlua: UPPERCASE DAY.
evile: oh, huzzah!
Kahlua: WE'RE DISCUSSING RANDOM THINGS, BUT I'M IN ALL CAPS, AS IS
EDOGY, AJAX, AND JAIWYN
Kahlua: LIKE THIS.
Kahlua: FUNNY EXPERIMENT, THIS IS
Kahlua: IT REALLY PISSES SOME PEOPLE OFF, WE'VE HAD CONES OF SILENCE
AND DISCONNECT
Kahlua: THEY'RE JUST LETTERS!
evile: heehee. people CRAZY
Kahlua: YES MA'AM
evile: I have less than 1 hour to go at work :) taunt taunt!
Kahlua: Yay you!
evile: *little 'fuck you' dance*
Kahlua: so many things I could say to that....
evile: *giggle* yup! And you're so good not to :P
Kahlua: temporary brain shutdown.
Kahlua: It was rebooting
evile: hehee :) It's not THAT interesting of a dance.
Kahlua: Yeah, but the possibilities of it were.
Kahlua: I understand. :)
evile: hehee. you're too funny & cute!

3616today's ICQs, Kahlua, Sharjinka & skye_ds;

 

• 3616today's ICQs, Kahlua, Sharjinka & skye_ds;

   

evile: hey, it's working today. *knock wood*
SkyeDS: hola chica :)
evile: How's your day? How was your weekend?

SkyeDS: good and good thanks :) how's you?
evile: very good. I get to leave at 3 today because I had ph one
duty, and phone duty was non-stressful. ONly 1 question I couldnt
answer.
SkyeDS: cool
evile: And [aunt L] just emailed and said she had gone over to Krav Maga
today and paid the fees for 6 months for me and [Cousin B] :)
SkyeDS: and is Sweetie still thinking about it too? that would be most
awesome.
evile: He's still thinking about it, but not willing to give up any
of his already-sparse free time to go. As with Future Firm, I imagine
our rhythms won't match up--he gets home from work and needs to
decompress at the same time I'm decompressed and hitting the road
and he gets geared up to do stuff as I get ready for bed.
SkyeDS: nods.
evile: And a lot of the clases start much too early for him to even
get there if he went straight from work...so it may not happen.
SkyeDS: you and [Cousin B] will have a good time anyway :)
evile: It's a flat fee per month, so in ones best interest
financially to get to as many classes as you can to make it both
healthful and cost-effective. I bet Sweetie would maybe get to 2 a week,
and that's assuming IF he could get his ass out of bed on SAturdays.
evile: [Cousin B] and I will have fun, he will probably be surprised that I
can whoop his ass.
SkyeDS: *grin*
evile: Putting 200+ of me behind a hit or kick, means that 150# of
him is gonna get whomped.
evile: Poor kiddo.
evile: Of course, by March, I'm hoping to be something closer to his
size/weight.
SkyeDS: don't beat him up too bad or he might quit :P
evile: heh. he's a stubborn little cuss, I doubt it.
evile: Weather in Magnolia this weekend: sunny, high saturday of 79,
sunday 80, low 59-60. Hm.
SkyeDS: Magnolia where? I assume you don't mean Magnolia AR
evile: no. Magnolia, TX, near where TRF is held.
evile: TRF is somewhere between Magnolia & Plantersville. the weather
website I was using didn't have plantersville, but did have magnolia
SkyeDS: ah. I always think Plantersville.
evile: Yeah. I looked for plantersville weather first, but they
didn't have it listed.

SkyeDS: I use accuweather.com.
evile: *nod* I use whatever yahoo links to

evile: OK, plantersville says 79 saturday, 80 sunday, but 54 both
nights.
evile: depending on humidity, that could be tolerable in garb.
SkyeDS: I bought sineater the dragon mask he likes. I'm hoping it
arrives in time not just for his bday but halloween too
evile: that would be awesome :)
evile: Halloween is on a weekday this year. I am not sure if my boss
will let me take Nov. 1 off. Maybe I should just ask for a half day,
come in at lunchtime.
SkyeDS: I've been giving that thought, too.
evile: I've annoyed my boss enough lately, I need to hold off on
leave requests for a couple of weeks, I think.
evile: well time for me to get my desk cleaned off and go. yay :)
SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
SkyeDS: <enjoying the smell of new leather which just arrived
evile: I will be interviewing with HR later this week to see if
there's another place in the agency I can go, BTW. Good new moon
energy abounds :)

evile: Have fun!