2874bleh

Jan. 30, 2005

 

 

I stayed up too late last night readng the Black Jewels Trilogy,
slept in this a.m. and was woken up a bit after 11 by a phone message
from Sineater "Need to talk to you about some stuff." Given the timing--
Called Kaleon on his cell a couple days ago, posted a reply to
Skye_ds's looney friends locked rant about Kaleon and how she wants him
to go away (um..he *did!*) and then the phone call from Sineater...I am
figuring it's yet another "sic Sineater on evilE" and I really don't want
to deal with that when I first wake up.

I was having bad dreams about Mom & Sister H & Stepdad and walking around
in Greencastle, which had gotten bigger, or changed to San Marcos, or
something. Sister H and I were looking at dorm type rooms in San Marcos,
and she was hoping there would be something like that in Bastrop,
where she eventually wanted to live. Grandma B apparently owned these
rental properties,and was storing all this old lumber in some of the
units. Mom was going to kill herself after Grandma B died. I was
trying to talk her into finding another reason to live and I think I
succeeded.

Then something about white tigers & white chocolate castles painted
with dark chocolate. What the hell.

Anyway, nice way to start the day (NOT!!) and I'm not going to call
Sineater anytime soon. Maybe after I wake up a bit, but not right this
second.

2876Re: the latest LJ drama

Jan. 30, 2005

 

 

[taken from my LJ entry, with a few additions]

Edit: 9:26 PM Sineater called again, and we talked. Apparently he has
taken offense because Kaleon is using the word 'abuse' in his posts,
and had apparently never done so before I posted my various posts
with abuse info, and assumed that I'd posted these things for Kaleon.
(no, DUMBASS, I posted them for YOU! but anyway...) And then he got
mad because apparently 'Skye' just wanted to vent and did not WANT
any comments, so my comment was dreadfully unwanted and just terribly
offensive because it seemed that I was just telling her to 'get over
it'...which apparently she is/has. Of course. Which is why she reads
his LJ daily, after getting tarot readings from llewellen.com first
to tell her what's really going on, and then goes on ICQ to bitch to
me about what a jerk he is. Yes, she's so over him. I wish the hell
they'd both get over each other, and honestly couldn't give much of a
shit, except that she stirs Sineater up with all of her bullshit and
then he comes and romps on me.

He used a lot of phrases and words which I recognize from ICQ as
being hers, the godiva vs hersheys analogy, and something really off
about why would I be 'interested' in Kaleon anyway...which is so
bizarre. I guess despite everything I say about being hetero/mono,
Skye_ds still sees me as a romantic rival. I don't WANT That, that is
SO not where my interest came from, but she persists in seeing things
in that light. I guess it really is beyond her to think of people as
friends, and nothing else. Actually, when I first befriended him I
had hopes of finding out more about Sineater and his situation than I
knew...which I did, but made me feel sick and sad to know, so really
should not have gone there. Oh well.


I told him a few things...which felt good, but bad too. I mean, the
last thing you want to do to an abuse victim is yell at them. But, I
did.

1) if SKYE is mad at me for something, then she needs to call me
HERDAMNSELF and quit siccing my brother on me.

2) SINEATER has many more worthwhile things to focus his time and
energy on (being unemployed, having a trailer sitting empty and
needing repairs while the lot rentis not being paid, recovering from
his carpal tunnel surgery, etc.)

3) KALEON is in OklaFuckingHoma, writing in a goddamned livejournal.
Nobody reads his shit, and if they do, so fuckin' what. If SINEATER
and SKYE don't want to be upset by his 'lies', then they can
goddamned well QUIT reading it!

And I did call him on the fact that he never calls me to say hi, he
always calls me to bitch me out about something or hash family drama,
so I pretty much dread hearing from him. And I pointed out that it
seems that no matter what I do or don't do, a no-win situation is
always created and 'skye' always ends up pissed off at me, and
therefore he does too. Which I'm tired of.

He seemed very very apologetic, and let me go. I did say "I love you"
and he said it back. I feel bad. But goddamnit, here's my fuckin'
line in the sand.

*sigh*

2877ABUSE help: Stay Safe Goals

Jan. 30, 2005

 

 

from
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-
/1572240660/qid=1107143874/sr=8-
1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-9728272-7958202?
v=glance&s=books&n=507846">It's Not Okay Anymore: Your Personal Guide
to Ending Abuse, Taking Charge, and Loving Yourself</a> by Stepdad Enns
and Jan Black

<center>STAY SAFE GOALS</center>

Staying safe is as important as getting safe. The Stay Safe Goals
listed below will strengthen you in areas that could sabotage your
efforts at abuse-free living. We suggest you begin work on these
goals immedately, whether you remain in your relationship or leave
it. They will improve your life and jump-start your well-being.

<center>ECONOMIC GOALS</center>

Economic Goal #1. A safe place to live.

A safe place for me to live is ____________________________

If "home" is your answer, under what condition is home a "safe"
place?

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________

Economic Goal #2. A source of income.

I have an adequate and stable source of income. Yes/No

If "no," my task is to identify an assessment and training center
that can help me prepare for, and find, a job that I can enjoy doing
and do well.

Employment placement service: ____________________ Phone:__________
Training center: (ex: Jobs Council, Job Corps, Community College):

________________________________________ Phone: ________________

________________________________________ Phone: ________________

________________________________________ Phone: ________________

Economic Goal #3. Childcare arrangements, if necessary:

A safe and healthy place for my child(ren) to be cared for:

___________________________________________________________

My FREE childcare options include: _________________________________

Emergency childcare options include: _______________________________

Written instructions for care of children, especially if child has
medical needs, prescriptions, etc.:

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Economic Goal #4. Transportation.

I have ready access to safe transportation.

I have my own car (in good working condition).

I have bus fare and know the bus schedule in my area.

I have taxi fare put aside for emergencies.

Other transportation readily available:__________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

<center>RELATIONSHIP GOALS</center>

You have many resources to help you develop your relationship skills.
In addition to books, videos, cassettes, and some television
programming, you can receive help from your doctor or nurse, most
domestic violence shelters, community colleges, YWCA's, and
counseling centers. Check to see if your employer has an employee
assistance program. If these groups cannot help you themselves, they
may know where to send you.

Relationship Goal #1. Self-nurturing skills.

I know how to effectively communicate my affection and respect for
those I care about (including myself).

<i>If this statement is not true for me, then my plan to develop this
skill is to: (Example: Select a book from the Book List in Part
Four, under "Loving Yourself." Begin using the suggestions.)</i>

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #2. Parenting Skills.

I know how to give my children consistent love and attention, see
that they receive the guidance they need, show them appropriate
behaviors by the way I act (including not hitting them), be
consistent about rules and discipline, limit exposure to violence,
and teach them ways to avoid becoming victims of abuse.

<i>If this statement is not true for you, then your plan to develop
this skill is to: (Example: Attend local parenting classes, support
groups, read books on parenting, watch parenting videos.)<i>

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #3. Refusal Skills.

I know how to say "no" to people, places, and things that violate my
set personal limits (boundaries).

<i>If this statement is not true for me, my plan to develop this
skill is to: (Example: Complete the action steps in the "Boundaries"
section of this book.)</i>

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #4. Assertiveness Skills.

I know how to get my needs and reasonable wants met without becoming
dishonestly compliant (saying "yes" when I think and feel "no"), or
becoming hostile or aggressive.

<i> If this statement is not true for me, then my plan to develop
this skill is to: (Example: Rent a video at the library, practice
with a trusted friend.)</i>

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #5. Conflict Resolving Skills.

I know how to settle disagreements and fights in a positive way.

<i>If this statement is not true for you, then your plan to devlop
this skill is to: (Example: Enroll in a class on conflict resolution
at the YWCA.)</i>

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

•  

"The Cycle of Abuse"

Because I've basically been told not to post this kind of stuff in my journal anymore because it's supposedly giving a twisted little person twisted little ideas, here is more, with all my love and sympathy to those who have been, or are being hurt by those they love:

from
It's Not Okay Anymore: Your Personal Guide to Ending Abuse, Taking Charge, and Loving Yourself by Greg Enns and Jan Black

THE CYCLE OF ABUSE( Read more... )

HOW DID I GET HERE?( Read more... )

WHAT SHALL I DO NOW?( Read more... )