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Dec. 10, 2004
onyxlynxx is so diplomatic.
=====================
skye_ds (skye_ds) wrote,
@ 2004-12-09 12:07:00
Current mood: grateful
Love
I have been thinking a lot lately: about who I am, about who I want
to be, about my many blessings, about the many people I love and who
love me, and about the many people who do not seem to hold me in high
regard for whatever reason (hate me, dislike me, whatever). So below
are deliberate choices of mine from now on.
* "Your reputation is in the hands of others. That's what a
reputation is. You can't control that. The only thing you can control
is your character." ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer
Some of my reputation is deserved because I have truly behaved badly
many times in the past. Some of my reputation is not deserved. I
will not worry anymore about my reputation. One of my biggest
weaknesses/vulnerabilities is that I allow others' ill-will toward me
to hurt and wound me deeply to the quick. I will control my
character, because it is mine to control. I freely admit to having
behaved badly in the past, but I will not intentionally behave badly
from now on. I will take responsibility for my actions.
* "Growing Old is mandatory, Growing Up is Optional, and a Happy
Childhood can be had at any time." ~ Anonymous
I choose not to Grow Up, and I choose to have my Happy Childhood from
right now up until I die. To be completely honest, while there were
many miseries in my childhood, there were many good times and
blessings, too. From now on, I choose to deliberately remember the
good times and blessings, and I choose deliberately to let go of the
miseries and forgive the sources of those miseries. Just because I
was miserable many decades ago, is no reason to deliberately choose
to remain miserable now. I have no time for being miserable, all of
my time is taken up with my many blessings and pursuing love, life
and harmony.
* http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html - But if you love someone, you
shouldn't want anyone else. That's a common idea, but it doesn't
really hold up in practice. Many people believe that a person who
has multiple loves can't give their "whole heart" to any person. The
belief goes that if you love one person, you can express your love
wholeheartedly, but if you love multiple people, your love is divided
up and is therefore not as deep. This is based on the "starvation
model" of love--that is, you only have a limited amount of love, and
if you give your love to one person, there is none left to give to
anyone else--so if you fall in love with another person, you have
to "pay" for it by withdrawing your love from the first person. Love
is not the same thing as money. With money, you have only a limited
amount to spend, and when you give it to one person you have less
left to give to another. But love behaves in wonderful and
unpredictable and counterintuitive ways. When you love more than one
person, you soon realize that the more love you give away, the more
love you have to give. Yes, you CAN give your whole heart to more
than one person, and when you do, you realize it's the most beautiful
feeling in all the world. Don't think of the contents of your heart
the way you think of the contents of your wallet; it doesn't work
like that. Anyway, as I was saying, in a poly relationship, it is
vital--perhaps even more vital than in a monogamous relationship--for
everyone involved to know and understand the rules of the
relationship, and abide by them. A successful poly relationship
absolutely requires trust and security from everyone involved. If you
cannot abide by the relationship's rules, you cannot expect to make a
polyamorous relationship work.
Don't look to your relationships to offer you validation
It seems to me as though our society often looks to relationships to
define a person's worth. People who are single are sometimes seen as
being less valid as human beings than people who are married, and so
on.
If you look to your relationship to tell you who you are, or to
define your worth, then your sense of self will always be tied up in
the form of your relationship.
You have power over your life. Your worth depends on you, not on your
partner and not on your relationship. You have an identity which
exists independent of your relationship, and your relationship does
not describe your value. These ideas empower you to seek happiness on
your terms, but more important than that, they give you resiliency
that can help you over the inevitable rough patches that any
relationship is likely to face.
Value and worth that come from within you rather than from things
outside yourself, such as your partner or your relationship, can
never be taken away from you. There is a differnce between a person
who wants to be in a relationship and a person who needs to be in
that relationship. Quite frankly, I'd rather be involved with a
person who wants to be with me than a person who needs to be with me;
the people who want to be with me are there because of the value I
add to their lives, not because they have no other choice!
If your sense of value comes from yourself, it frees you from
dependence on the people around you. If your partner's sense of value
comes from within himself, it frees you from the responsibility of
telling your partner who he is.
There are many whom I have loved in the past that seemingly hate me
and/or bear me ill will. There are many to whom I have tried to be a
good friend that seemingly dislike me and/or bear me ill will. I
observe that these people are unhappy. They seem to be unhappy
because they define their happiness by their relationships with
others. From now on, I deliberately choose not to return their ill-
will. I wish for them the true happiness that is only to be found
from within oneself, not to be found from outside relationships. In
Her Charge, Aradia said that if you do not find what you seek within
yourself, you won't find it outside yourself.
* 1 Corinthians 13 - Love is long suffering, love is kind, it is not
jealous, love does not boast, it is not inflated. It is not
discourteous, it is not selfish, it is not irritable, it does not
enumerate the evil. It does not rejoice over the wrong, but rejoices
in the truth. It covers all things, it has faith for all things, it
hopes in all things, it endures in all things. Love never falls in
ruins; but whether prophecies, they will be abolished; or tongues,
they will cease; or knowledge, it will be superseded. For we know in
part and we prophecy in part. But when the perfect comes, the
imperfect will be superseded. When I was an infant, I spoke as an
infant, I reckoned as an infant; when I became [an adult], I
abolished the things of the infant. For now we see through a mirror
in an enigma, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I
shall know as also I was fully known. But now remains faith, hope,
love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
* http://www.polyfamilies.com/misanthrope20040911.html
Love is patient.
Patience isn't just the ability to wait without fidgeting. Can you
hold your tongue and listen fully when discussing something with a
loved one? More to the point, do you? If you want an issue resolved
right now can you still bring yourself to wait and give a loved one
time to think? Do not confuse patience with putting things off,
though. They're not the same thing. Avoidance isn't patience.
Love is kind
Kindness is one of those odd things. It's not quite just
being "nice", though that can be and usually is a component.
Kindness has to do with genuinely having the welfare of the other (or
self if you're discussing love of self) at heart. Here's where the
issue comes in, though. You're not wise enough to make choices for
other adults. No, you're not special here. I know you wanna help,
but that kind of nonsense ain't kind, so if the goal is being loving,
don't be doing it.
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude
Kinda hard to be loving when you're wanting something the other
person is/has, are bragging, or being caught up in your own ego.
That's really the essence of it. Don't be so damned ego driven if
being loving is your goal.
It does not insist on its own way
If you're into Me! Me! Me! exclusively, you're not being loving.
Loving yourself does mean taking care of yourself, but balance
here. Balance is important.
It is not irritable or resentful
Are you holding on to past pains, shortcomings or things like that?
Not loving. This means purging resentments - the ones held against
yourself included. Remember what I said, you cannot be honest to
goodness loving to someone else until you are doing the same with
yourself. In fact, it makes it easier. Trust me on this one.
It does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth
"Yeah, she got what was coming to her..." Not a loving
thought. "Hey, she learned from that. Cool!" Loving thought...
It's a pretty simple concept. Rejoicing in the truth means that
you're not going to want to pretend that things are other than they
are, either. You're going to want the honest facts, rather than
fool yourself. This can be hard, if you want to ignore things that
you don't like.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures
all things
This boils down to one essential concept - forgiveness. If you're
dedicated to being loving, you're dedicated to forgiving. You're
dedicated to forgiving yourself and everyone around you for being
flawed and human. This is not an easy thing to do. Worth it, but
not easy.
Enough said.
* One of the Covenants of Aradia - Strive to be compassionate to
others, and to be aware of the hearts and minds of those around you.
In the past on many occasions, I have not done this as I ought. I
deliberately choose to do better from now on.
* One of the Tenets - We believe in love, life and harmony as the
spiritual foundation of our Ways.
Enough said.
* Words of Aradia - Concerning Love - Love is the gift of the
Spirit's blessings. It is the emanation of Spirit within. Love is the
Great Attainment. Receive love when it is offered, and offer love
regardless. Yet do not allow the duality of love to cause you
despair. For love can lift up your heart and it can likewise drag it
down. Accept love in the manner in which it comes to you. Do not
possess it, or attempt to control it or shape it. For love is free,
and shall come or go in its manner.
* Excerpt from Concerning Marriage - ...Understand that even though
you are bound together, let this not be as captives. There shall
always be others with who each of you may desire to share a
closeness, either physical or spiritual. This is as it should be. Let
your love desire fullness of life for each other and also pleasure
for each other. Honor each other with openness and honesty...
I have learned these truths through many hard, painful experiences.
This relates back to "But if you love someone, you shouldn't want
anyone else" and "Don't look to your relationships to offer you
validation" from above. Any parent with more than one child and/or
more than one pet knows that love is not a zero sum game. We love
all our children/pets differently but equally. Your lovers and loved
ones are not responsible for your happiness. Owning your lover will
not make you happy, either.
*Anonymous:
1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am
when I am with you.
2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't
make you cry.
3. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
4. A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches
your heart.
5. The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them
knowing you can't have them.
6. Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is
falling in love with your smile.
7. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be
the world.
8. Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste
their time on you.
9. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the
right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how
to be grateful.
10. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
11. There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have
to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you
trust next time around.
12. Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try
and know someone else and expect them to know you.
13. Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect
them to.
REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
Amen!
* Don Miguel Ruiz, Excerpt from Four Agreements -
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to
speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of
your word in the direction of truth and love.
I haven't been good about this in the past. I deliberately choose to
do this to the best of my ability from now on.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a
projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune
to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of
needless suffering.
This relates back to taking control of my character because I can't
control my reputation. It also relates back to striving to be
compassionate to everyone around me. It also relates to the 8Fold
Path of Buddha below, and also to the Power of Intention below. From
now on, I choose to do no deliberate harm. And because I do no
deliberate harm, I will not take responsibility for others projecting
their realities and dreams (of some imagined harm I have caused) upon
me.
* Excerpt from 8Fold Path of Buddha -
Right Thought
Reality grows in the garden of the mind. Our world is the fruit of
our thoughts that sprout from the seeds of ideas. We must therefore
be discerning gardeners, looking carefully at what ideas we allow to
take root within the mind. We must be able to recognize which ideas
and thoughts are born of desire and which carry the seeds of desire
that causes our suffering.
The seeds of suffering that take root within the mind are those of
greed, ill-will, hostility, denigration, dominance, envy, jealousy,
hypocrisy, fraud, obstinacy, presumption, conceit, arrogance, vanity
and negligence. In Buddhism, these are known as the 15 defilements,
and the Buddha realized 6 methods for removing such defilements from
the mind:
1. Restraining:
Restrain from what pleases the senses but bears poison.
2. Using:
Use all that we are, all that we have, all there is to cultivate
peace.
3. Tolerating:
Tolerate all adversity, and never abandon our gardens to the wild.
4. Avoiding:
Avoid all that is impure and spoils the soil of the mind. Tend only
to what is pure and that which nurtures the pure.
5. Destroying:
Remove the defilements by destroying them from the root.
6. Developing:
Never cease to develop our skills of peacefulness.
Right Speech
We are often judged by our words. Long after we leave this world, our
words shall remain. Words can often be sharper than the blade of the
sword, bringing harm to the spirit of a person which can cause wounds
that are deeper and last longer than that of a dagger. Therefore, we
must choose our words carefully. The Buddha realized 4 methods of
speech that bring peace to our lives and the lives of those who
surround us.
1. Words of Honesty:
Speaking without truth can be a means to our end and to the end of
others. Therefore, honesty is always the best policy.
2. Words of Kindness:
Speaking words of kindness, we will never be the cause that divides
hearts or puts brother against brother. We become peacemakers. Our
words are cherished and valued and shall bring peacefulness to
ourselves and to those surrounding us.
3. Words that are Nurturing:
Words that comfort rather than harm the heart, shall travel to the
heart, and bring long lasting peace.
4. Words that are Worthy:
Speaking only what is worthy and valuable for the moment, our words
will always be found sweet to the ears of others and shall always be
considered in a peaceful manner. Words of gossip, untruth, and
selfishness do not return to us with peace. The worth of our words is
measured by how much they improve the silence.
Amen! I haven't been good about this in the past. I will do better
in the future.
* Dr. Wayne Dyer, Excerpt from Power of Intention -
Connectors are aware of the need to avoid low energy. They'll quietly
retreat from loud, bellicose, opinionated people, sending them a
silent blessing and unobtrusively moving along. They don't spend time
watching violent TV shows or reading accounts of atrocities and war
statistics. They might appear docile or uninteresting to people who
wallow in the horrors being discussed and broadcast. Since connectors
have no need to win, to be right, or to dominate others, their power
is the fact that they uplift others with their presence. They
communicate their views by being in harmony with the creative energy
of the Source. They're never offended, because their ego isn't
involved in their opinions.
Connectors live their lives matched up vibrationally to the field of
intention. To them, everything is energy. They know that being
hostile, hateful, or even angry toward people who believe in and
support low-energy activities, which involve violence in any form,
will only contribute to that kind of debilitating activity in the
world.
...If you could observe their inner world, you'd discover that
they're hurt by pain inflicted on others. They don't have the concept
of enemies, since they know that all of us emanate from the same
divine Source. They enjoy the differences in the appearance and
customs of others rather than disliking, criticizing, or feeling
threatened by them. Their connection to others is of a spiritual
nature, but they don't separate themselves spiritually from anyone
regardless of where they might live or how different their
appearances or customs may be from their own...
I have a reputation for being loud, bellicose and opinionated that I
have justly earned from past behavior. I can keep my beloved
opinions, while divorcing them from my ego. I deliberately choose
not to be loud nor bellicose from now on. As the Covenant of Aradia
states, "Be true to your own understanding and turn away from those
things which oppose the good in you or are harmful to you." I will
not consider those who bear me ill-will and who have hurt me to be my
enemies. It is not my fault that they are unhappy. While they might
not ever believe this, it hurts me to see them in pain. I will wish
them love, life, happiness and every blessing, and I will retreat
quietly from them so that they do not drag me down. "Misery loves
company." This relates back to "Don't Take Anything Personally"
above. I deliberately choose not to waste my spark of the divine
fire being hostile, hateful, or angry towards those behave that way
toward me. I deliberately choose not to waste my spark of the divine
fire by disliking, criticizing, or feeling threatened by those who
dislike, criticize or feel threatened by me. In the past, my desire
to communicate has included the drives to win, to be right and to
dominate. From now on, I deliberately choose to communicate, without
doing those things.
That's all for now. Blessings Light and Dark
---------------------------------------------------------------
onyxlynxx
2004-12-09 20:46
Wow.... Deep thoughts.... Thanks for sharing them.
I admire your Will to define who you are. Changing ourselves is the
most powerful magic of all. This sounds like a really good beginning.
May you become the person you choose to be.
skye_ds
2004-12-09 22:57
*hugs* :)
Thankee so much for your kind words. They are even more meaningful
coming from one who has proven mastery over self-change. I treasure
your respect and regard.
May you continue in your becoming, too :)
Blessings Light and Dark
