SkyeDS: gmornin
evile: TGIF!
SkyeDS: amen sister
evile: Rotten nightmares last night. I am ready to go back to bed.--
woke up tireder than when I went to bed.
SkyeDS: :( <hugs>
evile: Oh well. Luckily I can pretty much sleepwalk through my job.
evile: It was wierd. I knew I'd had yucky dreams, but didn't realize
how much they effected me until I was telling Sweetie about my dream &
started crying.
SkyeDS: I will cry at books, movies, music and bad dreams (but not
funerals, or most of them anyway). I am not natural.
evile: Yeah.
evile: I do that a lot.
SkyeDS: was nightmare about something that worries you that you can
safeguard against?
evile: Not really. I dreamt that I was going somewhere a little bit
seedy (Monkeywrench books or a laundromat or the dollar
movies...someplace icky-ish) and J.A. got out of a parked
car and ran over and was hugging me and saying "auntie! auntie"...
evile: He was dirty and smelled bad and very very thin & hungry. Told
me about how his mom was working somewhere nearby and he and the
other kids had to wait in the car until X was done working and
then they'd get to eat.
evile: I guess I really need/want to know that the kids are OK...but
there is no way to do that without contacting X, and I won't do
that.
evile: Her new online photo album has pictures of her only, taken at
various ungodly hours of the a.m. and talking about her 'crack
pipe'...so I guess that's what triggered it, finding those photos
online.
SkyeDS: crack pipe?
evile: yeah. If it was a joke, it wasn't funny or appropriate.
evile: Then again, I *know* I am not rational about drugs, drug
humor, or drug use...so maybe it was funny and I just didn't see the
humor, considering.
evile: http://xtallys.yafro.com/
evile: her 'roommate' replied to the crack pipe comment with
something like 'it's on the shelf behind you'...Greeeeaaaaat.
SkyeDS: maybe eventually ann opportunity to check up on the kids
without direct contact w/ X will present itself.
evile: I hope so. her (step)dad M. V. was pretty pissed at me for
not being there for his wife C., so I can't really talk to them...and I
don't have any mutual friends that I can think of.
SkyeDS: I have nightmares about Arthur and the girls occasionally
<hugs>
evile: Thanks :)
evile: D is so much better at that whole "let go and let god/dess'
thing....
SkyeDS: I'm not.
evile: Me, neither. But, honestly, even if I *knew* the kids were
hungry and dirty and living in a car...what could I do about it?
other than call CPS? I have no legal rights in their lifes. If I gave
them $, X would find it and spend it on stuff other than her kids
care. If I gave them food...who knows?
SkyeDS: you can't do anything until the path shows itself to you.
just hide (wait) and watch for it.
evile: y
evile: exactlY.oops.
SkyeDS: I think the dream indicates that a path *will* show itself
eventually
evile: Hope so.
evile: I couldn't be MORE ready for a nice, laid back, FUN weekend.
SkyeDS: /me nods
SkyeDS: just hope it rains today and not tomorrow
SkyeDS: or not much tomorrow anyway
evile: Yeah, I'm hoping for that too. Get it all over with today &
tonight so we have a fresh clean (if muggy!) Saturday
evile: I bit the bullet and ordered my Enell bras today. There was a
shipping special on 2, so I went ahead and did that.
SkyeDS: I love my enell bras.
evile: I have heard great things about them, and I figure I need them
if Sweetie & I are playing tennis regularly, plus my vacation to MT is
coming up and I'll be doing active stuff there, too.
SkyeDS: look at it this way. if they work with me when I'm riding,
they're good for anyone doing anything.
evile: Yeah.
evile: came ><thisclose to ordering a tennis skirt with built in
shorts, but figured that was pushing it. Nobody wants to see that
much cottage cheese outside the dairy factory, ya know?
SkyeDS: lol why I don't wear shorts except at home and places people
don't know me.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: lessee. Bob just got out of the hospital after a five day
visit with a heartattack.
SkyeDS: and I drove over a screw this morning and someone was nice
eough to point it out to me early enough for me to get it patched
SkyeDS: because otherwise I would't have found it till after work and
it would have been completely flat.
SkyeDS: the shop that patched it said it should pull horses tomorrow.
evile: wow.
evile: Discount Tire Co. does patches for free.
SkyeDS: over there on MLK?
evile: All of them, as far as I know.
SkyeDS: I took it to a place on Lamar south of the river that did it
for $10, without taking it off the truck, adn he did it in less time
than it took me to drive there and back so I was happy
evile: that is awesome
evile: Discount does it free, but they fit it in whenever they get a
chance, so you end up waiting.
evile: The one time I used them, Sweetie took the tire off, we dropped it
off and ran errands in one of his cars, came back in 4 hours when
they told us it would be done, and then he put it back on my car
again.
SkyeDS: good in those circumstances but not inn mine
SkyeDS: the black truck can run around Rockdale but that's it
SkyeDS: so I was on my own this morning
evile: Well its good to know that you can take care of yourself when
you *have* to...but also nice to know that you don't always have to ;)
SkyeDS: Boss does business with Discount Tires
evile: good I hope.
SkyeDS: he likes them better than NTB who we've always done business
with
SkyeDS: I'll have to check them out
evile: I think NTB offers more services than Discount Tire.
SkyeDS: I think I'm goign to drop the Teacher I'm supposed to be
learnign under
SkyeDS: she gets on nmy case for not posting often enough
SkyeDS: when I do, the other members jump my case for something I
did'nt say in the least
SkyeDS: so when I try to take the conversation back to the tangent
intended, then SHE jumps my case
evile: And you _have_ to post, as opposed to just emailing her direct?
SkyeDS: I know she prides herself on being Raven's "Hardest" teacher
SkyeDS: right
evile: suck.
SkyeDS: exactly
SkyeDS: I'm going to ask Iona if she can just keep an eye on me
SkyeDS: I konw she's "just 2nd degree" but so the fuck what
SkyeDS: I do'nt need formal teaching by Amberlyn's definition
evile: I took Econ one year at DePauw. First day the prof. says "80%
of you are going to fail this course". I dropped it the next day.
There is something WRONG with the prof if 80% fail.It should be more
like 30-40%
SkyeDS: I know Amberlyn didn't think I was ambitious enough because I
don't have this driving need to do nothign 24/7 but pursue initiation
SkyeDS: she does'nt work
SkyeDS: most of her students do'nt work
evile: I had another prof who was hard as HELL. You were lucky to get
out of there with a C or a low B...but I knew you earned your grade
and he was not a hard-ass just for the sake of having that cool hard-
ass rep.
SkyeDS: and the other Clan streghe can't stand her
evile: That's a bad sign!
SkyeDS: I know merc is retrograde right now and that means people
don't hear what other people say the way it is intended to be heard
SkyeDS: but dammit she ought to know and understadn that too
SkyeDS: if you're going to teach me you best know more than I do.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: we were given this homework assignment, to completely give up
all practices that we had held onto from other paths
SkyeDS: and to incorporate words from our path into daily routines
SkyeDS: so I did that.
SkyeDS: and then I ventured to say, that I thought I wanted to go
further
SkyeDS: that I wanted ot make sure I was walking the walk as well as
talking the talk
evile: and this was bad...because?
SkyeDS: and that I was behaving in a way that everyone, in Clan and
outClan alike, could tell what I believed in (NOT that I'm strega)
SkyeDS: this was bad, because two people thought I meant that we
should be telling everybody who and what we are
SkyeDS: which is not even CLOSE to what I said
SkyeDS: which is, your beliefs should be evident in your behavior
SkyeDS: and then I gave examples
evile: duh!
SkyeDS: such as, I have Covenanted that my word is my sacred oath
SkyeDS: well, everyone should know that about me
SkyeDS: whether or not they know I"m strega
SkyeDS: so I tried to correct the tangent
SkyeDS: and the AMberlyn jumped on me
SkyeDS: so fuck that ad fuck them and fuck her.
evile: bizarre!
SkyeDS: I pointed out that we have already examined the topic of what
to tell whom and how, and I gave my due lire in that thread, which is
i nthe archives
evile: people have very short memory spans, in general.
SkyeDS: criticize me for not speaking and then have three people jump
my shit when I do speak
SkyeDS: fuck that noise
SkyeDS: forgive french.
evile: exactly!!
SkyeDS: I suppose she thinks that because Raven says she's the
hardest that that is synonymous with best.
SkyeDS: I took with the "hardest" translate "best" piano teacher once.
SkyeDS: he was gay (no one ever talked about it but we all knew)
SkyeDS: and he hated girls, period
SkyeDS: so the first thing he told me was that I was a useless lump
of clay
SkyeDS: and he could only do so much with me
evile: nice.
SkyeDS: I put up with that for a year adn then told mother that I was
going to quit and she could'nt make me.
SkyeDS: told her, you can make me sit in there and play for an hour
SkyeDS: but you can't make me *work*
SkyeDS: you can drag me to contest but you can't make me *win*
SkyeDS: and eventually I'll move out and you can't make me do *shit*
evile: Too bad you got stuck with such a rotten teacher. It's a
wonder he didn't ruin your love for music completely.
SkyeDS: I didn't play at all for a year, and then I went back to my
original teacher, adn won State as a freshman, which THEY said was
impossible.
SkyeDS: he damn near did.
evile: good for you.
SkyeDS: I performed my heart out for Ms. Culpepper because I loved her
SkyeDS: more than mom.
evile: Well, and there's a trap inherent in working with a teacher
who doesn't expect much out of you...
SkyeDS: there's a difference between "tough love" andn abuse.
evile: There's no way to exceed their expectations without making
them look foollish and hate you more for doing what they said
couldn't be odne.
evile: And there is _absolutely_ no way to make them happy or proud
of your achievements.
SkyeDS: I try not to be an overly sensitive soul
SkyeDS: because I know I AM one
evile: So unless you are doing it because you love it or you NEED to
do it for your own soul/happiness, you eventually give up.
SkyeDS: but this reeks too much to me of the teachers that would
allow the same 30 kids to ride my case hour after hour every single
day
SkyeDS: from one class to another with only five minute breaks in the
hall in between.
evile: A good teacher would not allow that kind of bullying.
SkyeDS: amen.
SkyeDS: I personally don't think Amberlyn is a good teacher, but
she's just initiated two students into the Clan so I'm sure she's
very pleased with herself.
evile: And there is a world of difference between spirited debate and
picking on someone.
SkyeDS: but I notice that she takes students that no one else wants
SkyeDS: probably because they are just as obstreperous and
cantankerous as she is
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: so, her teaching style may (obviously does I guess) work for
some, just not for me
SkyeDS: and if she wants to say I'm an awful student because I don't
mesh with her, fine
SkyeDS: imho she's a awful teacher.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: so let's just leave at, we don't mesh, adn both of us go on
to find those with whom we do.
evile: tht would seem like the gracious thing to do.
SkyeDS: ad you know what was in the ofc mail today. a brochure for a
seminar in dealing with difficult people ROFL MFIAO
evile: There ya go.
evilE
Apr. 23, 2004
evile: Mom sent me a copy of "Rocky Mountain Rider" magazine. All
kinds of interesting looking workshops listed there. Too bad I have a
real job and not enough disposable income!
SkyeDS: bk
evile: wb :)
SkyeDS: I think I will medicate myself with food now. It's lunchtime
after all :)
evile: Lunch is good
evile: I made a giant crock pot of red beans & rice yesterday. I had
leftovers for lunch. Better the next day!
SkyeDS: yum
SkyeDS: in NOLA they do that every monday right?
evile: Oh, I have no idea.
evile: I lived in dorms when I lived there. And then when I visit, I
just get whatever looks good (all of it)
evile: Long overdue for a visit to NO. Before it gets too hot.
SkyeDS: when I can afford, want to go to NOLA and Hot Springs
evile: me too :)
evile: I am *still* waiting for my car lease final bill to shake out.
I think my medical stuff is mostly done billing now.
evile: Very glad I didn't do what Sweetie suggested and fix everything on
the final list of stuff that was above 'normal wear & tear'...then
I'd be out $800 from my pocket AND Bof A would not acknowledge it and
remove that amount from my final bill. As is, we are fucking around
over around $70
SkyeDS: nods
evile: Then again, if I'm fussing and fighting with a bunch of idiots
ANYWAY, might as well be fighting over something that's worth it.
I've probably wasted more htan $70 worth of my TIME trying to resolve
the billing problem.
evile: Well, speak o' the devil--X just messaged me over on yahoo
messenger. I think I'll pretend I don't see that and go on about my
business.
SkyeDS: wow
evile: *sigh* She never attempts any _meaningful_ conversation. Calls
me on my cell at work, text messages, bla bla. Such BS.
evile: If she wanted to have a REAL talk, she'd call me at home when
I'm able to speak freely and at length. But I know she does NOT wish
to hear my uncensored thoughts so she just keeps up withthe drama
attempts and then probably goes crying off to whoever "oh I 'm trying
to patch things up with E but she won't listen to me!" WAH.
SkyeDS: what you could do is invite her to email you
SkyeDS: then have someone else paraphrase the email to you
evile: Nobody reads my email but me.
SkyeDS: just give you the important stuff without the drama
evile: paraphrasing tends to fall into 'he said she said'
melodrama/misunderstanding. I dont have much luck with it.
SkyeDS: alternatively you could email her and tell you to call you at
home.
evile: In 100% honesty, I really dont' want to talk to her at all. I
don't want to hear any more of her self-serving excuses for being a
druggie and a shitty person. I do not want to hear any more BS or
manipulation attempts. I feel bad for the kids, but not bad enough to
subject myself to her influence.
evile: And, again, if I knew the kids were being subjected to abuse
or neglect, what recourse do I have? Kidnapping? That or CPS, and
that's some piss poor options.
SkyeDS: sounds like she's doing the same hit and run Kaleon's been
doing lately.
evile: I wish they'd hit it off better at Poly dinner. They totally
deserve each other.
SkyeDS: and the sad thing is, we know we shouldn't dwell...and I
do'nt know about you, but it does stay in my mind, even though I
don't worry at it
SkyeDS: he's got himself a new date
evile: *sigh* you said it.
evile: Oh, another online submissive? *laff*
SkyeDS: I hope he's learned from past mistakes.
SkyeDS: I don't know, he said he had a date Saturday night
SkyeDS: I assumed that meant a real live one
SkyeDS: but that is an assumption
evile: oh, okay. Good for him I guess.
SkyeDS: last time I went over there was right after Valentine's and I
got attacked
SkyeDS: then I tried calling a couple of times in March and got
attacked
SkyeDS: so then I said fuck it, and went on about my way
SkyeDS: so then I get this letter
SkyeDS: saying he has benevolently forgiven me
SkyeDS: so I ignore it
evile: good plan.
SkyeDS: and he writes aother one demanding a response
SkyeDS: and I responded with, sure we can be friends
SkyeDS: but I don't like the way I was treated, and I wouldn't like
to be treated that way again
SkyeDS: and here is what all I'm doing, it's all work related, I
don't play anymore for the sake of play, and you're welcome to join me
SkyeDS: if you keep me abreast of what you're doing, if I have spare
moments I'l,l try to join you
evile: heh. Good for you.
SkyeDS: so he wrote back and said, I don't like the way you did me
either (no apology), and I have a date Sat and a game Sun
SkyeDS: <shrugs>
SkyeDS: I expect that he is waiting for me to get jealous
evile: aww!
SkyeDS: he still doesn't seem to understand what transpired last year
SkyeDS: it had nothing to do with me
evile: what a mess.
SkyeDS: he got himself in trouble last year with the jealousy game
SkyeDS: not becaue it made me jealous, because it didn't
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: but because he chose to swim his little minnow ass in the
pond with the shark and the piranha
evile: That whole mess is still incomprehensible to me.
But...whatever. I had a shitty year last year due to various dramas &
am very much happier this year with NO drama. or very little, anyway.
SkyeDS: nods
SkyeDS: I would hope that after last year he learend his lesson about
the jealousy game
SkyeDS: is what I meant
evile: You'd have better luck nailing jello to a tree than getting
any concept through that pointy little head.
SkyeDS: lol
SkyeDS: he needs to adjust a few things
evile: He is not stupid by any means, but he is fairly damaged
emotionally and doesnt' seem to want to move out of 5 year old temper
tantrum mode
SkyeDS: I feel sorry for whomever inherits his pity parties, his
melodramas, his temper tantrums and his insecurity about his tongue
length and pecker length
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: I'm not kidding
SkyeDS: he is insecure very deeply about those things
evile: Too bad.
SkyeDS: I know he knows how to have a relationship
SkyeDS: or at least he used to know
SkyeDS: but ya know what
SkyeDS: even if he finds someone else like that little girl on line
he was playig with
SkyeDS: the one he told that I weighed more tha 300 pounds
SkyeDS: andn that I was frigid
SkyeDS: where hating on me is foreplay
SkyeDS: well, I would have a better sex life with my own hands, ya
know?
evile: heh
SkyeDS: I don't understand how people get off sexually on hearing
mean shit about other people (particularly mean shit that isn't even
near true)
SkyeDS: I mean hello
SkyeDS: if he's talking that way about his ex
SkyeDS: someday he will be talking that way about you
evile: Personally, I like gossip. Not as a foreplay thing, but just
as a thing.
SkyeDS: I love gossip
SkyeDS: but not in bed
SkyeDS: I have other urges in bed
evile: heh
SkyeDS: you should have seen the details of what he was telling her
SkyeDS: besides me being more than 300 pounds
SkyeDS: I'm so scarred inside that my gspot doesn't work
SkyeDS: and I don't like to tease or be teased
SkyeDS: you are welcome to ask either Sineater or sonar0m about the lack
of truth in those allegations.
evile: bizarre.
SkyeDS: and when this came to my attenntion, I didn't want anything
else to do with him
SkyeDS: this came to my attention onn my birthday
SkyeDS: so he said, look, you don't understand, it's not what it
looked like
SkyeDS: yeah whatever
SkyeDS: "I only did it to make her feel better about herself"
and "she had a weird idea of foreplay, not my fault"
evile: It usually takes more than one person to stir the shit. I am
not going to help him stir anymore.
SkyeDS: I don't know about you but the mere mention of someone who
came before me would flat out turn me off.
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: you should feel better about yourself because my ex was a
complete monster
SkyeDS: it isn't even like there isn't enough bad to be said about me
while remaining truthful, without the need to make shit up
evile: heh.
SkyeDS: anywho, those two are obviously just not happy wallowing in
their own miseries without us keeping them company
evile: Sorry, got enough RL problems without manufacturing any more.
SkyeDS: obviously someone was trying to tell you you'd hear from X
soon.
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: now that I think about it
SkyeDS: I had a nightmare the night before I got the email too
SkyeDS: but not about Kaleon, but about sonar0m doing what Kaleon did
evile: *sigh* J-Law said I should not write back, even though X hit
me where I live: "the children would like
to see you. do u have any interest? i can have a
friend bring tgem to meet with you."
SkyeDS: without her attached ostensibly one would presume
evile: J-Law says that the possibilities for double-cross are well-nigh
infinite: "the risk is that X will do a bait and switch, i.e.,
promise to have a friend bring them, and then she brings them herself
with some BS excuse that her soi-disant friend flaked out. Could
even be that she shows up sans kids, and this was just a ploy to meet
you face to face. After all - why is this suddenly coming up now?
Out of nowhere? Have the kids not asked about you before? or ??
"
SkyeDS: amen
evile: I think J-Law has 20/20 on this one.
SkyeDS: me too
SkyeDS: lovely
SkyeDS: now Hugh wants to pull the network
SkyeDS: no more internet access for me sigh
evile: Okeydoke. Have fun!
SkyeDS: wonder how he thinks I'm going to do half of what I do
without internet
evile: Do what you can and leave the rest for another time, I guess.
SkyeDS: guess so
evile: Maybe go hom eearly :)
SkyeDS: well I do intend to finish my lunch break regardless
evile: sounds reasonable.
evile: I am having stuff crash over here. It did this to me
yesterday, too!
SkyeDS: I will pull the cable here in a sec and he can see for
himself that he still has problems <shrug>
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: may be back later may not <hugs>
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