Apr. 23rd, 2004

evile: (clutter)
 

    Apr. 23, 2004

     

     

    1) some HFS gathering, each kingdom at a different table. I was at a
    table with Sharjinka, Sunshine & that cute dark haired gay boy. There
    was some kind of drama

    2) I was at Erin & Marca's work, had to use the restroom. All these
    high tech potties that looked like pedicure chairs, but no partitions
    between them. Ended up peeing in a dark blue canvas directors chair &
    then pouring the pee from the chair into a potty. Feeling bad because
    Erin was going to get in trouble for the chair being icky.

    3) I was in a parking lot (dollar movies? sleazy motel? Monkeywrench
    books? somewhere.) and goddessdaughter's brother J . got out of a car and ran and
    hugged me. He was hungry and dirty but still very sweet and lovey. I
    asked where his mom was and turns out she was working in the
    establishment where the car was parked in the parking lot, and he was
    happy because after she got off work (some late hour 10 pm or
    something?) they were going to go eat! I was going to take him away
    from X. Then [goddessdaughter] showed up, she'd been hiding in the car,
    probably following Xs directions and NOT talking to anyone.
    Something about being in a car with X and confronting her and her
    telling me all these horrific things trying to make me sympathize
    with her that were just making me more and more disgusted and
    offended. Somehting about how she was so sad & lonely she called some
    hotline where you could set up anonymous booty calls. Calling L&B on
    my cell and asking them to meet me at the dollar movies, I wanted
    B's professional opinion about the kids and I was going to take
    [goddessdaughter] and J and raise them myself.

    I was very exhausted and sad when I woke up, but I didn't realize how
    much this dream hurt until I was telling Sweetie about it in the car on
    the way to work and my eyes filled up with tears when I was
    describing how sweet and dirty and hungry J was. :( I suspect
    (HOPE!) that X's uncle D.A. has the kids now & is raising them along
    with his wife Tina, with their brood of 'trolls' as X always
    called them. At least they'd be getting some kind of normal family
    life. :(

 


evile: (clutter)

    Apr. 23, 2004

     

     

    Sweetie is turning in his resignation to Wayport to go work for AMD. I
    guess he'll be starting training at AMD May 10 or something.

    J (my boss) had surgery the 21 and will be gone until May 26-27
    or so. Her calendar does not show my vacation in May. Luckily I have
    the email & will photocopy & give to Meleah (nominally in charge,
    though Jo Lynn is actually our supervisor while J is gone) to
    show I got it approved a few months ago.

    Been playing Tennis with Sweetie in the evenings. It's been fun. Owie but
    fun. Hopefully good for me.

    Yesterday was 2 weeks after the Ablation. Depo is still in system
    until June or so. We'll see how much menstrual bleeding/pain I get
    after that.

    I'm tired and bored and sad and having sinus pain. I unsubbed from
    the childfree community LJ. Maybe going thru some sort of withdrawal,
    but I think it's best for me not to be involved in hateful, negative
    stuff. Plus it was getting repetitive.

    Feeling antisocial & unlovable & unloved lately. what else is new?
    bla bla.

    I think I may give up on austin poly, gwnn, voyagers & just be alone.
    No point in any of that, really.

evile: (clutter)
 

 2137 ICQ w/Skye

 

    Apr. 23, 2004

     

     

    SkyeDS: gmornin
    evile: TGIF!
    SkyeDS: amen sister
    evile: Rotten nightmares last night. I am ready to go back to bed.--
    woke up tireder than when I went to bed.
    SkyeDS: :( <hugs>
    evile: Oh well. Luckily I can pretty much sleepwalk through my job.
    evile: It was wierd. I knew I'd had yucky dreams, but didn't realize
    how much they effected me until I was telling Sweetie about my dream &
    started crying.
    SkyeDS: I will cry at books, movies, music and bad dreams (but not
    funerals, or most of them anyway). I am not natural.
    evile: Yeah.
    evile: I do that a lot.
    SkyeDS: was nightmare about something that worries you that you can
    safeguard against?
    evile: Not really. I dreamt that I was going somewhere a little bit
    seedy (Monkeywrench books or a laundromat or the dollar
    movies...someplace icky-ish) and J.A. got out of a parked
    car and ran over and was hugging me and saying "auntie! auntie"...
    evile: He was dirty and smelled bad and very very thin & hungry. Told
    me about how his mom was working somewhere nearby and he and the
    other kids had to wait in the car until X was done working and
    then they'd get to eat.
    evile: I guess I really need/want to know that the kids are OK...but
    there is no way to do that without contacting X, and I won't do
    that.
    evile: Her new online photo album has pictures of her only, taken at
    various ungodly hours of the a.m. and talking about her 'crack
    pipe'...so I guess that's what triggered it, finding those photos
    online.
    SkyeDS: crack pipe?
    evile: yeah. If it was a joke, it wasn't funny or appropriate.
    evile: Then again, I *know* I am not rational about drugs, drug
    humor, or drug use...so maybe it was funny and I just didn't see the
    humor, considering.
    evile: http://xtallys.yafro.com/
    evile: her 'roommate' replied to the crack pipe comment with
    something like 'it's on the shelf behind you'...Greeeeaaaaat.
    SkyeDS: maybe eventually ann opportunity to check up on the kids
    without direct contact w/ X will present itself.
    evile: I hope so. her (step)dad M. V. was pretty pissed at me for
    not being there for his wife C., so I can't really talk to them...and I
    don't have any mutual friends that I can think of.
    SkyeDS: I have nightmares about Arthur and the girls occasionally
    <hugs>
    evile: Thanks :)
    evile: D is so much better at that whole "let go and let god/dess'
    thing....
    SkyeDS: I'm not.
    evile: Me, neither. But, honestly, even if I *knew* the kids were
    hungry and dirty and living in a car...what could I do about it?
    other than call CPS? I have no legal rights in their lifes. If I gave
    them $, X would find it and spend it on stuff other than her kids
    care. If I gave them food...who knows?
    SkyeDS: you can't do anything until the path shows itself to you.
    just hide (wait) and watch for it.
    evile: y
    evile: exactlY.oops.
    SkyeDS: I think the dream indicates that a path *will* show itself
    eventually
    evile: Hope so.
    evile: I couldn't be MORE ready for a nice, laid back, FUN weekend.
    SkyeDS: /me nods
    SkyeDS: just hope it rains today and not tomorrow
    SkyeDS: or not much tomorrow anyway
    evile: Yeah, I'm hoping for that too. Get it all over with today &
    tonight so we have a fresh clean (if muggy!) Saturday
    evile: I bit the bullet and ordered my Enell bras today. There was a
    shipping special on 2, so I went ahead and did that.
    SkyeDS: I love my enell bras.
    evile: I have heard great things about them, and I figure I need them
    if Sweetie & I are playing tennis regularly, plus my vacation to MT is
    coming up and I'll be doing active stuff there, too.
    SkyeDS: look at it this way. if they work with me when I'm riding,
    they're good for anyone doing anything.
    evile: Yeah.
    evile: came ><thisclose to ordering a tennis skirt with built in
    shorts, but figured that was pushing it. Nobody wants to see that
    much cottage cheese outside the dairy factory, ya know?
    SkyeDS: lol why I don't wear shorts except at home and places people
    don't know me.
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: lessee. Bob just got out of the hospital after a five day
    visit with a heartattack.
    SkyeDS: and I drove over a screw this morning and someone was nice
    eough to point it out to me early enough for me to get it patched
    SkyeDS: because otherwise I would't have found it till after work and
    it would have been completely flat.
    SkyeDS: the shop that patched it said it should pull horses tomorrow.
    evile: wow.
    evile: Discount Tire Co. does patches for free.
    SkyeDS: over there on MLK?
    evile: All of them, as far as I know.
    SkyeDS: I took it to a place on Lamar south of the river that did it
    for $10, without taking it off the truck, adn he did it in less time
    than it took me to drive there and back so I was happy
    evile: that is awesome
    evile: Discount does it free, but they fit it in whenever they get a
    chance, so you end up waiting.
    evile: The one time I used them, Sweetie took the tire off, we dropped it
    off and ran errands in one of his cars, came back in 4 hours when
    they told us it would be done, and then he put it back on my car
    again.
    SkyeDS: good in those circumstances but not inn mine
    SkyeDS: the black truck can run around Rockdale but that's it
    SkyeDS: so I was on my own this morning
    evile: Well its good to know that you can take care of yourself when
    you *have* to...but also nice to know that you don't always have to ;)
    SkyeDS: Boss does business with Discount Tires
    evile: good I hope.
    SkyeDS: he likes them better than NTB who we've always done business
    with
    SkyeDS: I'll have to check them out
    evile: I think NTB offers more services than Discount Tire.
    SkyeDS: I think I'm goign to drop the Teacher I'm supposed to be
    learnign under
    SkyeDS: she gets on nmy case for not posting often enough
    SkyeDS: when I do, the other members jump my case for something I
    did'nt say in the least
    SkyeDS: so when I try to take the conversation back to the tangent
    intended, then SHE jumps my case
    evile: And you _have_ to post, as opposed to just emailing her direct?
    SkyeDS: I know she prides herself on being Raven's "Hardest" teacher
    SkyeDS: right
    evile: suck.
    SkyeDS: exactly
    SkyeDS: I'm going to ask Iona if she can just keep an eye on me
    SkyeDS: I konw she's "just 2nd degree" but so the fuck what
    SkyeDS: I do'nt need formal teaching by Amberlyn's definition
    evile: I took Econ one year at DePauw. First day the prof. says "80%
    of you are going to fail this course". I dropped it the next day.
    There is something WRONG with the prof if 80% fail.It should be more
    like 30-40%
    SkyeDS: I know Amberlyn didn't think I was ambitious enough because I
    don't have this driving need to do nothign 24/7 but pursue initiation
    SkyeDS: she does'nt work
    SkyeDS: most of her students do'nt work
    evile: I had another prof who was hard as HELL. You were lucky to get
    out of there with a C or a low B...but I knew you earned your grade
    and he was not a hard-ass just for the sake of having that cool hard-
    ass rep.
    SkyeDS: and the other Clan streghe can't stand her
    evile: That's a bad sign!
    SkyeDS: I know merc is retrograde right now and that means people
    don't hear what other people say the way it is intended to be heard
    SkyeDS: but dammit she ought to know and understadn that too
    SkyeDS: if you're going to teach me you best know more than I do.
    evile: yup.
    SkyeDS: we were given this homework assignment, to completely give up
    all practices that we had held onto from other paths
    SkyeDS: and to incorporate words from our path into daily routines
    SkyeDS: so I did that.
    SkyeDS: and then I ventured to say, that I thought I wanted to go
    further
    SkyeDS: that I wanted ot make sure I was walking the walk as well as
    talking the talk
    evile: and this was bad...because?
    SkyeDS: and that I was behaving in a way that everyone, in Clan and
    outClan alike, could tell what I believed in (NOT that I'm strega)
    SkyeDS: this was bad, because two people thought I meant that we
    should be telling everybody who and what we are
    SkyeDS: which is not even CLOSE to what I said
    SkyeDS: which is, your beliefs should be evident in your behavior
    SkyeDS: and then I gave examples
    evile: duh!
    SkyeDS: such as, I have Covenanted that my word is my sacred oath
    SkyeDS: well, everyone should know that about me
    SkyeDS: whether or not they know I"m strega
    SkyeDS: so I tried to correct the tangent
    SkyeDS: and the AMberlyn jumped on me
    SkyeDS: so fuck that ad fuck them and fuck her.
    evile: bizarre!
    SkyeDS: I pointed out that we have already examined the topic of what
    to tell whom and how, and I gave my due lire in that thread, which is
    i nthe archives
    evile: people have very short memory spans, in general.
    SkyeDS: criticize me for not speaking and then have three people jump
    my shit when I do speak
    SkyeDS: fuck that noise
    SkyeDS: forgive french.
    evile: exactly!!
    SkyeDS: I suppose she thinks that because Raven says she's the
    hardest that that is synonymous with best.
    SkyeDS: I took with the "hardest" translate "best" piano teacher once.
    SkyeDS: he was gay (no one ever talked about it but we all knew)
    SkyeDS: and he hated girls, period
    SkyeDS: so the first thing he told me was that I was a useless lump
    of clay
    SkyeDS: and he could only do so much with me
    evile: nice.
    SkyeDS: I put up with that for a year adn then told mother that I was
    going to quit and she could'nt make me.
    SkyeDS: told her, you can make me sit in there and play for an hour
    SkyeDS: but you can't make me *work*
    SkyeDS: you can drag me to contest but you can't make me *win*
    SkyeDS: and eventually I'll move out and you can't make me do *shit*
    evile: Too bad you got stuck with such a rotten teacher. It's a
    wonder he didn't ruin your love for music completely.
    SkyeDS: I didn't play at all for a year, and then I went back to my
    original teacher, adn won State as a freshman, which THEY said was
    impossible.
    SkyeDS: he damn near did.
    evile: good for you.
    SkyeDS: I performed my heart out for Ms. Culpepper because I loved her
    SkyeDS: more than mom.
    evile: Well, and there's a trap inherent in working with a teacher
    who doesn't expect much out of you...
    SkyeDS: there's a difference between "tough love" andn abuse.
    evile: There's no way to exceed their expectations without making
    them look foollish and hate you more for doing what they said
    couldn't be odne.
    evile: And there is _absolutely_ no way to make them happy or proud
    of your achievements.
    SkyeDS: I try not to be an overly sensitive soul
    SkyeDS: because I know I AM one
    evile: So unless you are doing it because you love it or you NEED to
    do it for your own soul/happiness, you eventually give up.
    SkyeDS: but this reeks too much to me of the teachers that would
    allow the same 30 kids to ride my case hour after hour every single
    day
    SkyeDS: from one class to another with only five minute breaks in the
    hall in between.
    evile: A good teacher would not allow that kind of bullying.
    SkyeDS: amen.
    SkyeDS: I personally don't think Amberlyn is a good teacher, but
    she's just initiated two students into the Clan so I'm sure she's
    very pleased with herself.
    evile: And there is a world of difference between spirited debate and
    picking on someone.
    SkyeDS: but I notice that she takes students that no one else wants
    SkyeDS: probably because they are just as obstreperous and
    cantankerous as she is
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: so, her teaching style may (obviously does I guess) work for
    some, just not for me
    SkyeDS: and if she wants to say I'm an awful student because I don't
    mesh with her, fine
    SkyeDS: imho she's a awful teacher.
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: so let's just leave at, we don't mesh, adn both of us go on
    to find those with whom we do.
    evile: tht would seem like the gracious thing to do.
    SkyeDS: ad you know what was in the ofc mail today. a brochure for a
    seminar in dealing with difficult people ROFL MFIAO
    evile: There ya go.

2140 Re: ICQ w/A

 

  • evilE

    Apr. 23, 2004

    evile: Mom sent me a copy of "Rocky Mountain Rider" magazine. All 
    kinds of interesting looking workshops listed there. Too bad I have a 
    real job and not enough disposable income!
    SkyeDS: bk
    evile: wb :)
    SkyeDS: I think I will medicate myself with food now. It's lunchtime 
    after all :)
    evile: Lunch is good 
    evile: I made a giant crock pot of red beans & rice yesterday. I had 
    leftovers for lunch. Better the next day!
    SkyeDS: yum
    SkyeDS: in NOLA they do that every monday right?
    evile: Oh, I have no idea.
    evile: I lived in dorms when I lived there. And then when I visit, I 
    just get whatever looks good (all of it)
    evile: Long overdue for a visit to NO. Before it gets too hot.
    SkyeDS: when I can afford, want to go to NOLA and Hot Springs
    evile: me too :)
    evile: I am *still* waiting for my car lease final bill to shake out. 
    I think my medical stuff is mostly done billing now.
    evile: Very glad I didn't do what Sweetie suggested and fix everything on 
    the final list of stuff that was above 'normal wear & tear'...then 
    I'd be out $800 from my pocket AND Bof A would not acknowledge it and 
    remove that amount from my final bill. As is, we are fucking around 
    over around $70
    SkyeDS: nods
    evile: Then again, if I'm fussing and fighting with a bunch of idiots 
    ANYWAY, might as well be fighting over something that's worth it. 
    I've probably wasted more htan $70 worth of my TIME trying to resolve 
    the billing problem.
    evile: Well, speak o' the devil--X just messaged me over on yahoo 
    messenger. I think I'll pretend I don't see that and go on about my 
    business.
    SkyeDS: wow
    evile: *sigh* She never attempts any _meaningful_ conversation. Calls 
    me on my cell at work, text messages, bla bla. Such BS.
    evile: If she wanted to have a REAL talk, she'd call me at home when 
    I'm able to speak freely and at length. But I know she does NOT wish 
    to hear my uncensored thoughts so she just keeps up withthe drama 
    attempts and then probably goes crying off to whoever "oh I 'm trying 
    to patch things up with E but she won't listen to me!" WAH.
    SkyeDS: what you could do is invite her to email you
    SkyeDS: then have someone else paraphrase the email to you
    evile: Nobody reads my email but me.
    SkyeDS: just give you the important stuff without the drama
    evile: paraphrasing tends to fall into 'he said she said' 
    melodrama/misunderstanding. I dont have much luck with it.
    SkyeDS: alternatively you could email her and tell you to call you at 
    home.
    evile: In 100% honesty, I really dont' want to talk to her at all. I 
    don't want to hear any more of her self-serving excuses for being a 
    druggie and a shitty person. I do not want to hear any more BS or 
    manipulation attempts. I feel bad for the kids, but not bad enough to 
    subject myself to her influence.
    evile: And, again, if I knew the kids were being subjected to abuse 
    or neglect, what recourse do I have? Kidnapping? That or CPS, and 
    that's some piss poor options.
    SkyeDS: sounds like she's doing the same hit and run Kaleon's been 
    doing lately.
    evile: I wish they'd hit it off better at Poly dinner. They totally 
    deserve each other.
    SkyeDS: and the sad thing is, we know we shouldn't dwell...and I 
    do'nt know about you, but it does stay in my mind, even though I 
    don't worry at it
    SkyeDS: he's got himself a new date
    evile: *sigh* you said it.
    evile: Oh, another online submissive? *laff*
    SkyeDS: I hope he's learned from past mistakes.
    SkyeDS: I don't know, he said he had a date Saturday night
    SkyeDS: I assumed that meant a real live one
    SkyeDS: but that is an assumption
    evile: oh, okay. Good for him I guess.
    SkyeDS: last time I went over there was right after Valentine's and I 
    got attacked
    SkyeDS: then I tried calling a couple of times in March and got 
    attacked
    SkyeDS: so then I said fuck it, and went on about my way
    SkyeDS: so then I get this letter
    SkyeDS: saying he has benevolently forgiven me
    SkyeDS: so I ignore it
    evile: good plan.
    SkyeDS: and he writes aother one demanding a response
    SkyeDS: and I responded with, sure we can be friends
    SkyeDS: but I don't like the way I was treated, and I wouldn't like 
    to be treated that way again
    SkyeDS: and here is what all I'm doing, it's all work related, I 
    don't play anymore for the sake of play, and you're welcome to join me
    SkyeDS: if you keep me abreast of what you're doing, if I have spare 
    moments I'l,l try to join you
    evile: heh. Good for you.
    SkyeDS: so he wrote back and said, I don't like the way you did me 
    either (no apology), and I have a date Sat and a game Sun
    SkyeDS: <shrugs>
    SkyeDS: I expect that he is waiting for me to get jealous
    evile: aww!
    SkyeDS: he still doesn't seem to understand what transpired last year
    SkyeDS: it had nothing to do with me
    evile: what a mess.
    SkyeDS: he got himself in trouble last year with the jealousy game
    SkyeDS: not becaue it made me jealous, because it didn't
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: but because he chose to swim his little minnow ass in the 
    pond with the shark and the piranha
    evile: That whole mess is still incomprehensible to me. 
    But...whatever. I had a shitty year last year due to various dramas & 
    am very much happier this year with NO drama. or very little, anyway.
    SkyeDS: nods
    SkyeDS: I would hope that after last year he learend his lesson about 
    the jealousy game
    SkyeDS: is what I meant
    evile: You'd have better luck nailing jello to a tree than getting 
    any concept through that pointy little head.
    SkyeDS: lol
    SkyeDS: he needs to adjust a few things
    evile: He is not stupid by any means, but he is fairly damaged 
    emotionally and doesnt' seem to want to move out of 5 year old temper 
    tantrum mode
    SkyeDS: I feel sorry for whomever inherits his pity parties, his 
    melodramas, his temper tantrums and his insecurity about his tongue 
    length and pecker length
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: I'm not kidding
    SkyeDS: he is insecure very deeply about those things
    evile: Too bad.
    SkyeDS: I know he knows how to have a relationship
    SkyeDS: or at least he used to know
    SkyeDS: but ya know what
    SkyeDS: even if he finds someone else like that little girl on line 
    he was playig with
    SkyeDS: the one he told that I weighed more tha 300 pounds
    SkyeDS: andn that I was frigid
    SkyeDS: where hating on me is foreplay
    SkyeDS: well, I would have a better sex life with my own hands, ya 
    know?
    evile: heh
    SkyeDS: I don't understand how people get off sexually on hearing 
    mean shit about other people (particularly mean shit that isn't even 
    near true)
    SkyeDS: I mean hello
    SkyeDS: if he's talking that way about his ex
    SkyeDS: someday he will be talking that way about you
    evile: Personally, I like gossip. Not as a foreplay thing, but just 
    as a thing.
    SkyeDS: I love gossip
    SkyeDS: but not in bed
    SkyeDS: I have other urges in bed
    evile: heh
    SkyeDS: you should have seen the details of what he was telling her
    SkyeDS: besides me being more than 300 pounds
    SkyeDS: I'm so scarred inside that my gspot doesn't work
    SkyeDS: and I don't like to tease or be teased
    SkyeDS: you are welcome to ask either Sineater or sonar0m about the lack 
    of truth in those allegations.
    evile: bizarre.
    SkyeDS: and when this came to my attenntion, I didn't want anything 
    else to do with him
    SkyeDS: this came to my attention onn my birthday
    SkyeDS: so he said, look, you don't understand, it's not what it 
    looked like
    SkyeDS: yeah whatever
    SkyeDS: "I only did it to make her feel better about herself" 
    and "she had a weird idea of foreplay, not my fault"
    evile: It usually takes more than one person to stir the shit. I am 
    not going to help him stir anymore.
    SkyeDS: I don't know about you but the mere mention of someone who 
    came before me would flat out turn me off.
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: you should feel better about yourself because my ex was a 
    complete monster
    SkyeDS: it isn't even like there isn't enough bad to be said about me 
    while remaining truthful, without the need to make shit up
    evile: heh.
    SkyeDS: anywho, those two are obviously just not happy wallowing in 
    their own miseries without us keeping them company
    evile: Sorry, got enough RL problems without manufacturing any more.
    SkyeDS: obviously someone was trying to tell you you'd hear from X 
    soon.
    evile: yeah.
    SkyeDS: now that I think about it
    SkyeDS: I had a nightmare the night before I got the email too
    SkyeDS: but not about Kaleon, but about sonar0m doing what Kaleon did
    evile: *sigh* J-Law said I should not write back, even though X hit 
    me where I live: "the children would like
    to see you. do u have any interest? i can have a
    friend bring tgem to meet with you."
    SkyeDS: without her attached ostensibly one would presume
    evile: J-Law says that the possibilities for double-cross are well-nigh 
    infinite: "the risk is that X will do a bait and switch, i.e., 
    promise to have a friend bring them, and then she brings them herself 
    with some BS excuse that her soi-disant friend flaked out. Could 
    even be that she shows up sans kids, and this was just a ploy to meet 
    you face to face. After all - why is this suddenly coming up now? 
    Out of nowhere? Have the kids not asked about you before? or ??
    "

    SkyeDS: amen
    evile: I think J-Law has 20/20 on this one.
    SkyeDS: me too
    SkyeDS: lovely
    SkyeDS: now Hugh wants to pull the network
    SkyeDS: no more internet access for me sigh
    evile: Okeydoke. Have fun!
    SkyeDS: wonder how he thinks I'm going to do half of what I do 
    without internet
    evile: Do what you can and leave the rest for another time, I guess.
    SkyeDS: guess so
    evile: Maybe go hom eearly :)
    SkyeDS: well I do intend to finish my lunch break regardless
    evile: sounds reasonable.
    evile: I am having stuff crash over here. It did this to me 
    yesterday, too!
    SkyeDS: I will pull the cable here in a sec and he can see for 
    himself that he still has problems <shrug>
    evile: yup.
    SkyeDS: may be back later may not <hugs>

  •  
evile: (clutter)

    Apr. 23, 2004

     

     

    Me to J-Law:

    Oh, speaking of drama queens, I got a yahoo messenger
    message from X saying "the children would like
    to see you. do u have any interest? i can have a
    friend bring tgem to meet with you."

    I JUST, literally, last night, had a dream about
    meeting up with the kids. It was a horrible nightmare.
    They were living in a car, thin and hungry and
    dirty...I woke up feeling AWFUL. ANd then she sends me
    this. I am tempted...but what do I do if I find that
    the kids are being starved/abused/neglected?
    Kidnapping or calling CPS are my only options, and
    neither is good!

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