(in Livejournal)
Sheena QOTJ (sheenaqotj) wrote,
@ 2003-11-06 09:25:00
Current mood: discouraged
First Poly Dinner
"People are attracted to people who share their traits. Imagine what
it would be like to have several mirrors in front of you all the
time. You learn so much about yourself, whether you want to or not,"
said one of the people who runs the PolyAustin yahoogroup.
I had shown up for gaming night with the No Kidding (childless
singles and couples) group, but it had a rather small showing. I ran
into Dave P. there who identified the poly group by the stuffed
parrots arranged all over the table. We decided to join them.
ubiquity showed up later.
"How large is the poly community in Austin?" I asked the same person
later.
"Well, there are 60-80 people in this group. About 300 more practice
without being in contact with us, but that's got to be really hard."
If I were gay, I'd have about 100X better odds of finding someone.
The dinner was just a chance for people to catch up with others, but
considering it was the first time I had run into the poly group in
Austin, I was naturally evaluating and judging. They were nice
people, definitely intelligent and friendly, definitely people I
could be friends with.
Many of them were also older. When I asked the age range, Dave P
aptly commented that the two of us represented the endpoints of [one
standard deviation].
I wasn't attracted to any of them, save one older gentlemen. One
other guy who looked like the main character from Princess Bride (and
wore an appropriate shirt to complete the outfit) seemed somewhat
interested in me. He worked in roughly the same industry as I do, so
we talked shop for a bit. He gave me his business card as I was
leaving. I might call him to sample the veggie cuisines around town.
None of my interactions were particularly inspiring and I wasn't
itching to go to bed with anyone, much to my disappointment. My
criteria for SOs is not allowed to drop because of a lifestyle change
and it's difficult enough without it. I don't know what I had
expected; perhaps I was hoping for an instant feeling of belonging
and excitement about dating some of the people. It was wrong of me to
treat it that much like a meat market.
Since there are few enough people I could date seriously anyway,
perhaps I'd be better off trying to convert a few of these reasonable
people. Failing that, maybe I could try a little harder to see if
that one-on-one relationship business works for me, at least in the
short-term, engaging in "serial monogamy."
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(Post a new comment)
many more polys
elphie
2003-11-06 09:45 (link)
One thing you forget to factor in about the poly community is that
they are all at least potentially available. Only the unattached
portion of monogamous people are available to you. Also they are
wrong about all the poly people in their community. There are far
more poly people floating around in other alternative communites like
the pagan community in particular.
(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: many more polys
sheenaqotj
2003-11-06 09:50 (link)
I hope that you're right and there's only one order of magnitude
difference.
"Only the unattached portion of monogamous people are available to
you."
See, I considered that, but unless someone is married or engaged
(there are few enough of those in my age group), I feel confident
that if I were really determined, I could steal him/her away. :)
(Reply to this) (Parent)
winter0
2003-11-06 09:53 (link)
If I were gay, I'd have about 100X better odds of finding someone.
Now see, I told you that you should move to the Bay Area, where
polyamory is spreading like a virus and the community age range is 17-
65, with a median age probably right around 30. Of course for the
amount of money you just paid for your house, you could probably only
buy a large postage stamp in a really bad neighborhood. :-)
I wasn't attracted to any of them, save one older gentlemen.
Do you think they think of their meetings as a meat market? Around
here I usually meet other poly folk through dancing, or being
introduced by friends. So even if you didn't spark with anyone there
this time, they might know someone you'd be interested in and it'll
just be a matter of hanging out with them for a while. In the
meantime, though, I suspect you'll be a popular new member given your
attractiveness.
Since there are few enough people I could date seriously anyway,
perhaps I'd be better off trying to convert a few of these reasonable
people.
That could work, and I've seen it work sometimes for others, and it's
even worked once for me. Just be prepared for some disappointment, as
non-monogamy really breaks a lot of people's heads. And I'd guess
it'll break more people's heads in Texas than it does in California.
Take it slow and easy.
(Reply to this)
Um...
bramblekite
2003-11-06 09:55 (link)
Welcome...? I guess...?
=E,
One of the ugly people you didn't like last night
(Reply to this) (Thread)
Re: Um...
sheenaqotj
2003-11-06 09:57 (link)
Damn you! I never said ugly people! There are plenty of attractive
people that I don't lust for.
And I liked just about everyone. I don't know who you are, but I
probably don't feel inspired to hop into bed with you.
... So quick to take offense. Who were you, anyway?
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