More clarifications

[evile]

So...Friendship. Trust. Love. and Childfreedom.

Just a few of the issues that have been flying in the shitstorm that has been my life the past few days.

1. Friendship. It's a gift. It's mutual. I don't owe you anything because we've been friends for X number of days/weeks/months/years. It's not like the Hallmark wedding anniversary schedule where you get paper on year one, plastic on year two, or whatever the fuck. I am your friend because I like you and you like me. We call each other 'just because' and write each other notes and spend time together because we share interests, opinions, etc. It is not a debt I owe you. I am not a psychic, I don't read minds. If you want something from me, ask. I might say no. That is my right as a human being and an adult. This does not mean I'm not your friend, it just means that I am unable or perhaps unwilling to give you whatever it was. If you have a problem, by all means, spill your guts. If you want advice, I have it. If you want help, I will give it. If you want hugs & love, I can do that, too. Just tell me what you want from me and I will do my best to give it to you. When I have problems, I usually just want hugs & love. I'll figure things out for myself eventually. I don't want to hear that my problems are trivial, I don't want you to top my sad story with one of your own. I just want a sympathetic ear & a shoulder.

If I ever say or do something to upset you, it's your right and your responsibility as my friend to let me know I've upset you...otherwise, how can I try to make it right?
I am a human. Most of my friends are human. We make mistakes. Communication, Love, Trust, and Forgiveness are what make Friendships work & grow. If you won't give me those things, I can't give them back to you.

2. Trust is my number one. I try my best to be as reliable and trustworthy as I can be. If I say I am going to do something or be somewhere, I do whatever it takes to follow through on my word. My well of love and forgiveness is deep, but once my trust is violated, it's really really hard for me to trust again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

3. Unconditional Love is what you get from dogs and God/ess. I'm sorry, I'm just a plain ol' human being. I try to love as much as I can, and sometimes, apparently, it isn't enough. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have.

4. Childfreedom. I do NOT hate children. My friends' kids are some of the delights of my life. I have pictures of their smiling little faces in my cubicle at work because God/ess knows I need something to keep me going thru the endless paper pushing that I do for work. I personally have chosen not to have children. I have many, many reasons for this:

A. physical: I have endometriosis and only one ovary and a very high medical risk of ectopic pregnancy if I ever did decide to try & have children. It is not worth the risk to my life & health, especially since the odds are so poor of producing a healthy, living child from all that.

B. genetic: I have family history of mental illnes, addiction, cancer, and who knows what-all else. I would not care to pass on these traits to an innocent soul.

C. financial: I have a heavy burden of debt and can't afford to provide for a child. Sweetie was laid off about a month ago, and I thank heaven that we don't have a child to take care of in the middle of all our other worries.

D. mental/emotional: I go through phases of depression and exhaustion. Kids need a steady emotional model in order to develop properly, not a crying, withdrawn, sleeping mommy who alternates with happy, impulsive, fun mommy.

E. Political/ecological: I do not think the planet needs any more humans. I do not want to give W's descendants more cannon fodder for their 'get richer quick' war schemes.

F. Purely selfish: I enjoy my life as it is. I like being able to travel whenever I want, eat and drink whatever I want whenever I want, or not bother cooking if I don't want to, go out whenever I want, sleep late on weekends, spend the day walking around the house naked, fooling around with my Sweetie whenever and wherever we feel like it. I enjoy being able to spend my disposable income on whatever I want--whether that's taking friends' kids out to museums & amusement parks, buying nice things for me or my friends, or whatever. I work damned hard and I enjoy & deserve my freedom.

NO I DO NOT HATE KIDS. I dislike seeing poor parenting in public. I dislike seeing badly behaved, rude, ill-groomed, malnourished &/or grossly obese children because I know they are that way due to bad parenting. I feel sorry for them. But I don't want to be around them, and since they aren't mine, they aren't my problem or my responsibility. Which doesn't preclude me from commenting or bitching about ill-mannered, gross, nasty kids after the fact...hey, this is AMERICA. I am an adult taxpaying voting citizen. I can say whatever I want about anything, and if it hits a nerve, maybe you should take a closer look at your own life rather than reviling and demonizing me.

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Anyhoo...sorry for this long-ass rant.

I am so very done.