Why It's Time To Kick Iraq's Butt: A Special Report By
Frankie Truman In Saudi Arabia
Hello readers, and greetings from Saudi Arabia, land
of the famous 'Knights of the Round Table', and home
of the Taj Mahal and hot, spicy curry!
I'm Frankie Truman and now that the hog racing season
has ended, WXTT-N Dallas has sent me to the Far East
once again to cover the Iraq crisis for
our listeners and readers back home.
So "What's the deal?" I hear you say. Let's go through
it one step at a time with the Frankie Truman Primer
on Iraq, Saddam and why now is the time for
America to kick some butt.
----
Where is Iraq?
Iraq is a mountainous region of the Peruvian empire, a
land which was famous for its spices and dairy produce
before it was invaded by Saddam and his evil,
Communist regime.
Who or what is Saddam Hussein?
Good question. Saddam Hussein is the King of Iraq and
Jordan, in much the same way that George W. Bush is
the President of the United States. But unlike our
President, Saddam came to power on the back of a
rigged election, has amassed a personal fortune from
oil while many of his people live in poverty, and
gives the best jobs in his government to his friends
and family. So he is nothing at all like our own
President.
Iraq heads the Axis of Evil, a special group of
countries that also includes Vietnam, the Soviet
Union, The Peoples Republic of Australia and of course
Belgium.
King Saddam Hussein is also a secret member of the
International Taliban Society of Terrorists. As
Secretary of State Colin Powell has shown, this
organization has plotted many acts of terror against
the United States such as 9/11, the African Embassy
bombings, the sinking of the Titanic and the
so-called 'Kyoto Treaty'. There can be no doubt that
these people are evil. How much proof do you need?
What weapons does Saddam have?
Right now we don't know what weapons Saddam Hussein
has. What we do know is that he has to disarm them,
whatever they are. Only then will we be safe, because
only then will we know what weapons he has! And they
will be disarmed! See?
OK. Why is England supporting us?
I don't know the answer to that, my friend. What I do
know is that the English President, Richard Blair, is
one helluva guy for standing alongside the United
States. I think when this is all over, President Bush
should promote him and give him a job that carries
some real responsibility, for example, being mayor of
one of our smaller cities such as Minneapolis. He
sure deserves it. Go Richard Blair!!
How will war affect the Arab-Israeli situation?
The Arab-Israelis, a fine, peace-loving people, are
behind us 100 percent on this and I salute them for
that. I hope the US gives Arab-Israel whatever
they want after the war.
What is anthrax?
Anthrax is a highly contagious poison that attacks
humans. It has a variety of symptoms, the most serious
of which is death.
Just one spoonful of anthrax, when detonated, can kill
hundreds of thousands of people. Now ask yourself, how
many spoons could Saddam be hiding in that vast
country of his? That ought to tell you the scale of
the problem we face here. Not only that, there are
reports that Saddam is trying to combine anthrax with
nuclear bombs, to produce nuclear anthrax - a deadly
cocktail more lethal than anything we've seen before.
He must be stopped.
Should we listen to opposition from France and
Germany?
No.
Why not?
France and Germany can object to the war if they want.
But they better not come crying to the USA the next
time they get taken over by the Nazis, know what I'm
saying?
As President Bush says, France and Germany are what we
call 'Old Europe'. Some readers may not know this, but
Old Europe is the dark, impoverished region that
inspired Jacques Cousteau to write 'The Lord of the
Rings.' It's a fact that most of the people in these
countries live in primitive, wooden huts and don't
understand the complexities of modern life. It's no
surprise these guys don't agree with us! They do,
however, possess dangerous weapons such as arrows and
giant catapults which are usually stored in fortified
castles.
That's why I now believe that France and Germany
should also be forced to disarm along with Iraq. These
rogue nations are clearly posing a threat to
world peace through their opposition to the war.
----
Well, I hope you guys found that little 'fact file'
useful. I'm gonna be stationed here with the boys from
the 104th Infantry for a while and I'll be
filing another report soon, so stay tuned!
This has been Frankie Truman for urbanreflex.com and
WXTT-N Dallas!
(c) urbanreflex.com 2003
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