I was looking around to see if I could find anything about someone
with BPD possibly also being BiPolar, or whatever. Found this
article. Found it interesting, esp.the parts about control
"Borderlines have a strong and frantic need to control. For them, the
loss of control signals the onset of some type of emotional or
interpersonal abandonment or breakdown. When borderlines feel the
world threatening to cave in, they become involved in external
distractions that symbolically provide support, affiliation and the
promise of salvation. "
This seems like alot of her joining & ditching of Campus Pagans, HFS,
Vampire online game, CMa, etc. "external distractions" indeed :)
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Hannig2.html Borderline Personality Disorder (BP): A Profile
by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC, CCMHC, NCC
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, Fourth Edition (American Psychiatric Association, 1994)?
the essential feature of Borderline Personality Disorder is a
pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-
image, and affects and marked impulsivity that begins by early
adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts".
Borderline Personality Disorder individuals cannot sustain emotional
commitment. They change emotions in midstream and have difficulty
holding on to feelings of love. Love turns to indifference,
estrangement and perhaps back again to love. This dysfunctional cycle
has its roots in early childhood. Borderlines lose their love for the
parent of the opposite sex when the idealization of that parent
breaks down. As a child, the BP experiences the opposite sex parent
as being narcissistic, cruel and abusive. The child's love turns to
hate and distrust. The opposite sex parent falls from the idealized
pedestal and crumbles in the BP's eyes and heart. In parental
relationships, the BP feels as though he/she has never really
possessed mother. Mother is experienced as the one who abandons and
is inaccessible as a real person. For the BP, this is experienced as
a catastrophic loss and, as a consequence, may ultimately result in a
serious depression.
The Borderline feels eternally alone and abandoned. Intense
abandonment fears and inappropriate anger are experienced when they
are faced with separation or even an unavoidable change of plans.
Consequently, when the impaired self is activated due to family
frustrations, stress, etc., the BP will lose and withdraw feelings of
love for a significant other. They will experience intense
abandonment fears and inappropriate anger when faced with the threat
of separation (real or unreal) or even an unavoidable change of
plans.
If there has been a death or some other loss, the BP looks to replace
the lost nurturance and sustenance. Hence, borderline patterns of
relationships are unstable and intense. If a BP feels that the other
person in the relationship does not care enough, they may quickly
switch from idealization to devaluation. The unspoken expectation of
the borderline is for others to "be there" on demand at all times.
Temporary commitment, withdrawal and the search for a perfect, all
loving, non-exploitive love object is the continuous and
dysfunctional emotional cycle of the borderline.
Many borderlines have a perfectly working, pleasant, alluring,
seductive, competent, superman/woman facade and it is sometimes
difficult to differentiate which self is being presented. However,
the BP has an empty core at the center of identity. The feeling of
emptiness (DSM-IV) may have its roots in a very early gestational
trauma (Hannig, 1981). The embryo's drive to survive depends on the
ability to attach itself to mother's body (uterine wall). The need to
connect is very strong while the failure to connect inutero may lead
to emotional and physical disintegration and death (spontaneous
abortion). Trauma during gestational attachment creates disordered
adults who have difficulty connecting emotionally with other people.
In many interactions, the BP is not emotionally present, relating
from only pieces or parts of the self.
Borderlines have a strong and frantic need to control. For them, the
loss of control signals the onset of some type of emotional or
interpersonal abandonment or breakdown. When borderlines feel the
world threatening to cave in, they become involved in external
distractions that symbolically provide support, affiliation and the
promise of salvation. The fear of being controlled by others will
make the borderline hypersensitive to a therapist's style and
interventions. It is easy to make inadvertent mistakes when relating
to borderlines because of their hypersensitivity to parental
control.
Therapeutic Alliance
To overcome the debilitating aspects of the Borderline Personality
Disorder, it is necessary that the missing aspects of the BP's core
identity and real self be felt, recovered and integrated into a solid
whole. However, due to the borderline's hypersensitivity, a
therapist's spontaneous feedback may be inhibited for fear of
crossing the borderline's diffuse, undifferentiated boundaries. When
boundaries are unconscious, sometimes the only way to discover them
is by an inadvertent violation. If this occurs, it can trigger
paranoia and a negative transference towards the therapist.
Unfortunately, for both client and therapist, the end result is a "no
win" situation with the client generally terminating the therapy
prematurely. When such a hypersensitive situation does occur, it is
in the best interest of both parties to process their interaction and
discover the etiology of the hypersensitivity to control.
Some Characteristics of BP:
* A pervasive feeling of worthlessness, emptiness and
unfulfillment.
* Relationships have an on again/off again, destructive and "on the
brink" quality.
* Fear of ruining primary relationships. The partner of a borderline
may react to the BP's emotional chaos with anger and rejection.
* Borderline's test their partner's level of frustration tolerance
and anger. Borderlines can push partners to the limits of their rage
and reactivity.
* Need for an inordinate amount of assurance and affection to
compensate for the heavy rejection experienced internally.
* Repetitive cycles of regressive behavioral patterns. The BP may
make demands for intimate partners to satisfy a deep need and to
alleviate the suffering for a lost, once loved parent. If these
demands are excessive, it may cause distance and eventual
rejection.
* To varying degrees, borderlines are able to be in a relationship
while being partially or fully detached emotionally from the
partner.
* An inability to be assertive in a healthy way. When feeling
threatened or anxious, the borderline can become hostile, defensive,
accusatory and provocative.
* Eventual transfer of negativity onto their mates; i.e., they lose
love, withdraw, and become aversive to touch and sex. Borderlines may
transfer positively to extra marital symbols of unavailability, with
the hope for fulfillment. Pathological fantasizing or obsessing may
become an escape from depression, accompanied by paranoia about being
helpless, immobile and unlovable.
* There is a love/hate ambivalence toward the opposite sex parent and
a feeling of abandonment by the same sex parent. This leads to the
deflated quality associated with depression.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a debilitating and destructive
disorder. However, it can be healed. If you or someone you know
displays more than half of these behavioral characteristics, please
seek qualified professional help.
_
Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
in Southern California and Director of the Institute for
Transformational Therapies. In addition to private practice, he has
made his expertise available to people everywhere via his Telephone
Therapy Program. A full description of his specialties and therapy
programs is available at his PsychotherapyHELP web site at
www.nvo.com/psych_help. He can be reached at his office at (818) 882-
7404 or via email at
phannigphd@socal.rr.com <mailto:
phannigphd@socal.rr.com>
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
