Entry tags:
EJ July 12 2002
- Jul. 12, 2002Something about working for Uncle Bob, bu t working at Academy,
having to pick a shirt to wear withthe Academy logo on it from the
racks, and all the clothes were childrens' clothes.
Taking a shower out in the store? Metal floor with holes, like fine
mesh? Heated cabinet, very large, with towels. Uncle Bob's.
Security at the store came and opened the hood of my car as I pulled
up for work, hit stuff in the engine with a hammer. A bunch of kids
were gathered around to listen to us fight, and one of them took a
picture.
The Security guard wasn't sorry and didn't think he'd get in trouble,
but Alex went and found the kid's camera and now it wasn't just my
word against security, we had a photo of him vandalizing my car. I
confronted him in front of a bunch of customers.
- Jul. 12, 2002Dr. appt went fine. I snapped at the little nurse assistant
girly...which was probably bad of me. But I was worried/irritated,
and so I let 'er have it. The NP came in and we chatted. She signed
off on my program and said it looked good, and was very impressed
with my progress thus far, bla bla, recommended 1000-1200 mg calcium
a day, in addition to my regular multivitamin.
So...now I will turn in the dr. release form to 24 hour fitness and
hopefuly they'll print me a real card instead of the paper I've been
using to get in.
today's going to be a crazy late night. Pilates & housecleaning, then
Tom's going to be home & check on my car to make sure it can take all
the driving this weekend, then maybe go see the kitties at Lynn's,
then work out.
yah.
I forgot my lunch today; had leftover fajita stuff from last nite :(
Now I dont' know what I'm going to do for lunch.
============================
Taurus
Horoscope (by astrocenter.com)
Today your professional ambitions could change directions, dear
Taurus. From time to time, you seem utterly preoccupied by your need
for personal fulfillment, and these feelings take over in all the
other areas of your life. You may realize that your emotional
security is linked to your material security. It's possible something
is happening in your personal life that you need to nurture in order
for it to bloom and grow. Take good care of yourself!
Gemini
Horoscope (by astrocenter.com)
Anything is possible today, dear Gemini. Whether on a strictly
personal level, or within the family circle, something will happen
today that will bring a new aspect into your life. You may have had
some fears over the past few months that are difficult for you to
figure out by yourself. It could just be a little anxiety, but over
the next few weeks, you will find it a lot easier to talk about these
fears.- Jul. 12, 2002I was looking around to see if I could find anything about someone
with BPD possibly also being BiPolar, or whatever. Found this
article. Found it interesting, esp.the parts about control
"Borderlines have a strong and frantic need to control. For them, the
loss of control signals the onset of some type of emotional or
interpersonal abandonment or breakdown. When borderlines feel the
world threatening to cave in, they become involved in external
distractions that symbolically provide support, affiliation and the
promise of salvation. "
This seems like alot of her joining & ditching of Campus Pagans, HFS,
Vampire online game, CMa, etc. "external distractions" indeed :)
http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Hannig2.html
Borderline Personality Disorder (BP): A Profile
by Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. MFCC, CCMHC, NCC
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, Fourth Edition (American Psychiatric Association, 1994)?
the essential feature of Borderline Personality Disorder is a
pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-
image, and affects and marked impulsivity that begins by early
adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts".
Borderline Personality Disorder individuals cannot sustain emotional
commitment. They change emotions in midstream and have difficulty
holding on to feelings of love. Love turns to indifference,
estrangement and perhaps back again to love. This dysfunctional cycle
has its roots in early childhood. Borderlines lose their love for the
parent of the opposite sex when the idealization of that parent
breaks down. As a child, the BP experiences the opposite sex parent
as being narcissistic, cruel and abusive. The child's love turns to
hate and distrust. The opposite sex parent falls from the idealized
pedestal and crumbles in the BP's eyes and heart. In parental
relationships, the BP feels as though he/she has never really
possessed mother. Mother is experienced as the one who abandons and
is inaccessible as a real person. For the BP, this is experienced as
a catastrophic loss and, as a consequence, may ultimately result in a
serious depression.
The Borderline feels eternally alone and abandoned. Intense
abandonment fears and inappropriate anger are experienced when they
are faced with separation or even an unavoidable change of plans.
Consequently, when the impaired self is activated due to family
frustrations, stress, etc., the BP will lose and withdraw feelings of
love for a significant other. They will experience intense
abandonment fears and inappropriate anger when faced with the threat
of separation (real or unreal) or even an unavoidable change of
plans.
If there has been a death or some other loss, the BP looks to replace
the lost nurturance and sustenance. Hence, borderline patterns of
relationships are unstable and intense. If a BP feels that the other
person in the relationship does not care enough, they may quickly
switch from idealization to devaluation. The unspoken expectation of
the borderline is for others to "be there" on demand at all times.
Temporary commitment, withdrawal and the search for a perfect, all
loving, non-exploitive love object is the continuous and
dysfunctional emotional cycle of the borderline.
Many borderlines have a perfectly working, pleasant, alluring,
seductive, competent, superman/woman facade and it is sometimes
difficult to differentiate which self is being presented. However,
the BP has an empty core at the center of identity. The feeling of
emptiness (DSM-IV) may have its roots in a very early gestational
trauma (Hannig, 1981). The embryo's drive to survive depends on the
ability to attach itself to mother's body (uterine wall). The need to
connect is very strong while the failure to connect inutero may lead
to emotional and physical disintegration and death (spontaneous
abortion). Trauma during gestational attachment creates disordered
adults who have difficulty connecting emotionally with other people.
In many interactions, the BP is not emotionally present, relating
from only pieces or parts of the self.
Borderlines have a strong and frantic need to control. For them, the
loss of control signals the onset of some type of emotional or
interpersonal abandonment or breakdown. When borderlines feel the
world threatening to cave in, they become involved in external
distractions that symbolically provide support, affiliation and the
promise of salvation. The fear of being controlled by others will
make the borderline hypersensitive to a therapist's style and
interventions. It is easy to make inadvertent mistakes when relating
to borderlines because of their hypersensitivity to parental
control.
Therapeutic Alliance
To overcome the debilitating aspects of the Borderline Personality
Disorder, it is necessary that the missing aspects of the BP's core
identity and real self be felt, recovered and integrated into a solid
whole. However, due to the borderline's hypersensitivity, a
therapist's spontaneous feedback may be inhibited for fear of
crossing the borderline's diffuse, undifferentiated boundaries. When
boundaries are unconscious, sometimes the only way to discover them
is by an inadvertent violation. If this occurs, it can trigger
paranoia and a negative transference towards the therapist.
Unfortunately, for both client and therapist, the end result is a "no
win" situation with the client generally terminating the therapy
prematurely. When such a hypersensitive situation does occur, it is
in the best interest of both parties to process their interaction and
discover the etiology of the hypersensitivity to control.
Some Characteristics of BP:
* A pervasive feeling of worthlessness, emptiness and
unfulfillment.
* Relationships have an on again/off again, destructive and "on the
brink" quality.
* Fear of ruining primary relationships. The partner of a borderline
may react to the BP's emotional chaos with anger and rejection.
* Borderline's test their partner's level of frustration tolerance
and anger. Borderlines can push partners to the limits of their rage
and reactivity.
* Need for an inordinate amount of assurance and affection to
compensate for the heavy rejection experienced internally.
* Repetitive cycles of regressive behavioral patterns. The BP may
make demands for intimate partners to satisfy a deep need and to
alleviate the suffering for a lost, once loved parent. If these
demands are excessive, it may cause distance and eventual
rejection.
* To varying degrees, borderlines are able to be in a relationship
while being partially or fully detached emotionally from the
partner.
* An inability to be assertive in a healthy way. When feeling
threatened or anxious, the borderline can become hostile, defensive,
accusatory and provocative.
* Eventual transfer of negativity onto their mates; i.e., they lose
love, withdraw, and become aversive to touch and sex. Borderlines may
transfer positively to extra marital symbols of unavailability, with
the hope for fulfillment. Pathological fantasizing or obsessing may
become an escape from depression, accompanied by paranoia about being
helpless, immobile and unlovable.
* There is a love/hate ambivalence toward the opposite sex parent and
a feeling of abandonment by the same sex parent. This leads to the
deflated quality associated with depression.
Borderline Personality Disorder is a debilitating and destructive
disorder. However, it can be healed. If you or someone you know
displays more than half of these behavioral characteristics, please
seek qualified professional help.
_
Paul J. Hannig, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
in Southern California and Director of the Institute for
Transformational Therapies. In addition to private practice, he has
made his expertise available to people everywhere via his Telephone
Therapy Program. A full description of his specialties and therapy
programs is available at his PsychotherapyHELP web site at
www.nvo.com/psych_help. He can be reached at his office at (818) 882-
7404 or via email at phannigphd@socal.rr.com
<mailto:phannigphd@socal.rr.com>
- Jul. 12, 2002Gosh, I wish I had a few extra thousand bux hangng around someplace.
There's 100 acres in Elgin for sale for less than 85 grand. dayum.
---------------------------------------
Top of Form 1
MLS#: 626830 Upper Elgin River Road, Austin 78766
<http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?
countrycode=250&country=US&address=UPPER+ELGIN+RIVER+ROAD&zipcode=7876
6> <http://www.mapquest.com/maps/map.adp?
countrycode=250&country=US&address=UPPER+ELGIN+RIVER+ROAD&zipcode=7876
6>
The mapquest thing is totally wrong. I don't think this is a hundred
acres next to northcross mall :)
Offered at $83,550
Bottom of Form 1
Features
Acres 104 School District
ELGIN ISD
Type of Farm Horse Farm, Livestock
Zip Code 78766
Property Class Farms Annual Taxes
1277
Status Active Tax Year
2001
MLS Area EL A/C
No A/C
County Bastrop
Type of Heating No Heat
Restrictions (Y/N) No
Fencing Barb-Wire
House on Property N
Number of Barns 0
Number of Sheds 0
Number of Ponds 2
Road Frontage 1400
Water View Creek Front
Waterfront (Y/N) Y
View Hill Country
For More Information Contact...
J. B. Goodwin J.B. GOODWIN CORPORATE HQ. Suite B-101
3933 Steck Ave 78759-8648 Office: 512-502-7804 Fax: 512-346-3711
EMail: dgoode@jbgoodwin.com <mailto:dgoode@jbgoodwin.com>
Do you have a question about this property? Do you want to make an
appointment to preview it? Click below for assistance.
- Jul. 12, 2002I am missing out on several things this weekend, either directly or
indirectly because of Dee. I am feeling grumpy and resentful. Is she
worth this? If not, why? And if I'm giving this up FOR HER, because I
LOVE her, because I want to SPEND TIME with her, I need to be joyful
about it instead of resentful, nobody will have any fun if I'm ugly
about it. Dammit. I just don't like other people messing up my plans.
I've decided that I'm not that
flexible/compromising/impulsive/whatever. I want to have a plan in
advance and stick with it! And I want everyone else to do what I want
to do,when I want to do it!
Friday: No Kidding wine & cheese party at Mark H's. (due to having to
clean house & prepare for their visit)
Saturday: (probably) Angel Fire Demo and Austin PNO, doing a workout
video, seing Lynn's kittens
(Definitely) CTRennies party, Max's bday party, Elena's friend's bday
party
Sunday: (probably) Nude Yoga, Sunday workout, and Dim Sum
(definitely) helping Rod move.
================
did I write about this already? Jen quit at BBM! I was getting pretty
sick of her complaining about Mean Gene, but it's pretty scary to go
from a secure paycheck to NOTHING. She has an interview at another
firm on Monday, but who knows if that will pan out? I hope so....but
you can't depend on stuff. And she hated working the line at 1m last
night, which she had thought she wanted to do for her Real Job in
Real Life....so I am sure that was a major disappointment. She will
be calling me tonight. Tough call whether I want to be there when she
does...it will probably involve crying and helpless-feeling.
ICQ with Ivy. She might be down on the 27th next month to see a 7
Nations concert at Zona Rosa. That would be cool. Told her to crash
with us.
----------
Sent invites to Pat, Sonya, Keith, Kate, Jacob Maymar, Elena, Lee,
Susan, Jaime & Kathleen to come to skate nite on the 16th.
Sent another msg. to the central tx rennies to come skate on the 30th
in garb. Also sent email to E&A to see if they wanted to
put up the info re: garbed skate nite on Drandmir/HFS msg boards,
since I am not authorized to post or even view them.
Hopefully it'll be cool and people will come. If I expect to meet ppl
there, it will trick me into going.
I've also found that having a membership at the gym that only lets me
in 4 days a week makes me go more often. With BB, it was sometimes
like "oh, I'm too tired, I'll go tomorrow". with this it's like "I'm
tired, but if I dont' go tonight, I can't go tomorrow, so I will
force myself to go NOW".
When all the energy is gone, I've still got reserves of stubborn to
burn. :) Combine that with a little bit o' cheapskate, and you've
got a more dedicated gym-goer than I ever was at BB.