262 hey! its a science!

Jan. 22, 2002
Wierd, palm reading as a psychological tool. I could get certified in
this...but I'd feel like I was robbing people when I tried to do it
for money.

Why are people so gullible? Why do they have to hear things from
other people for it to be 'true'?

http://www.pdc.co.il/ind1.htm

I'd rather go to Sommelier School w/Jen

260 Monday, disquised as a Tuesday

 

 

• Jan. 22, 2002

   

  Back to work. All my coworkers seem to be busy chatting. But heaven
  forbid that *i* slack off.
  
  Anyhoo.. e called around 10 on Sunday a.m. Not at all hung over.
  Either she is very healthy or she was faking some of her buzz last
  nite. I am betting for #2. Anyhoo...she said Fred, one of the hosts,
  had been disappointed that I left the party so early and he wanted to
  talk to me and why didn't e introduce us before, and he thought I
  was 'beautiful' bla bla. I didn't get any of that when I was actually
  there. I am so clueless when it comes to whether people are actually
  interested in talking with me or just pretending for the sake of
  politeness...so once again, I am grateful not to be single. What a
  mess.
  
  I've been having dreams/nightmares about fighting with Tom lately.
  They are all bad fights and all about the real problems I have with
  our life together, our relationship, his lacks...etc. But Whatever.
  There is no way to bring any of that stuff up in a constructive way,
  so may as well keep dreaming bad dreams. Sure it's a sick
  relationship...what relationship isn't?
  
  Humans weren't meant to live the way we do. We are tribal & non
  monogamous, hunter-gatherers....yet the family unit here in modern
  America (most of the world) is a pair bond and possibly offspring.
  We sit all day, mostly doing one thing again and again, instead of
  covering many miles every day in search of food, plants, and other
  necessities of life. No wonder people are so sick & society is so
  sick. We aren't living as we evolved to live.
  
  I may or may not go to skate nite. Since E said that their
  financial situaiton isn't good right now, the odds of uB showing up
  at playland are small. Makes me feel better. I've thought of throwing
  some of her old emails back at her and asking her to clarify her
  points....but why? What is the best possible outcome of such an
  action? Could she and I become friends? As in real friendship,
  spending time together, supporting one another emotionally, being
  there when the other needs us, comfortable with silences, and also
  with just letting the other person vent if they need to? Probably
  not. As far as I can tell, she is totally selfish and self centered
  and is only interested in relationships that will benefit her in some
  way. Not interested in giving, or being there for others, or in what
  she may have to offer another person. I am not a big taker, I am more
  of a giver, so I'd end up giving and she'd end up taking and it would
  be sick and wrong and drive out the possibilities of other
  friendships, because nobody I know likes her or wants to spend any
  time with her. So if I chose to try and develop a relationship with
  her, I'd have to shut out other people, at least during the durations
  of time I spent with her.
  
  So....it's not worth my time & trouble. There are no real gains to be
  made in trying to cultivate a real relationship with her. Sad, but
  true. I can only give so much to a relationship before it becomes
  sick, unhealthy for me to continue. And if my choices are a few
  shallow impersonal relationships (e, Kathleen, X, Kate, ren
  friends, etc.) or one intense sick relationship (UB)....it is
  healthier to have more friends and more possibilities for possibly
  deepening those shallow friendships, than to focus my energy on
  something that will ultimately prove harmful to me in so many ways. I
  guess the temptation is there because I can see that UB needs
  friends, she needs socialization, she is lonely and bitter and hurt
  and sad...and I feel like I could help her. The other people I know
  don't need help. They don't need me. There is a big draw in being
  needed.
  
  Anyhoooooo.....
  
  I got a little spot dug up for my tomatoes & peppers in the back
  yard. I hope they do better this year than they did last year. I
  think having soil prepared & whatnot will be good for 'em. Instead of
  just throwing them in the ground and hoping for the best. Works for
  my mom, but not for me :)
  
  I steam cleaned part of the bedroom floor this weekend, that was
  good. It helped with the cat reek some.
  
  I did some dishes. Did some laundry. Put up Mardi Gras decorations.
  Didn't touch my work room. *sigh* it just gets worse & worse the
  longer I leave it. I need to just bite the bullet and DO it.
  
  This Friday, I'm going to dinner w/ e & then we're meeting her,
  Kathleen, and Sonya (pat's wife) for Dark Goddess at the Vortex. I
  need to try & get a reservation for us 4 beforehand, to ensure
  against the show being sold out & missing it. It should be fun. I
  hope. If not...what the hell. At least I tried to organize a little
  gal's evening out. Kathleen, of course, wanted to bring Jaime. I hope
  she caught the hint that it's GALS night out. Gah. Why are women like
  that???

 

261 The Dance of Deception

 

• Jan. 22, 2002

   

  The Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner List Price: $13.50 Pages:
  272 Format: Paperback ISBN: 0060924632 Publisher: HarperCollins
  http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060924632/thebookreport
  
  
  When The Dance of Deception was published, Lerner discovered that
  women were not eager to identify with the subject. "Well, I don't do
  deception" was a common resonse.
  
  We all "do deception", often with the intention to protect ourselves
  and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deception unravels
  the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real--
  even to our own selves. We see how our relationships are affected by
  lying and faking, by silence and pretending, and by brave-- but
  misguided-- efforts to tell the truth.
  
  Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's
  lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity,
  intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of "honesty", we can bludgeon
  eachother. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense
  of timing and tact, that we can actually shut down the lines of
  communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.
  
  Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn-- for example, when
  she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to
  discover something "more real"; or when she tells us not to parachute
  down on our family to bring up a "hot issue" without laying the
  necessary groundwork first.
  
  Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking, or the
  challenge of"being oneself", Lerner helps us to discover, speak, and
  live our own truths.
  top of the page
  
  
  1. Women are socialized to pretend, to settle, and to call our
  compromises "life." Our bodies are harder to fool. Discuss how the
  body may signal us when we are not living authentically or speaking
  truly. (Chapter 12)
  
  2. How do we distinguish between "privacy" and "secrecy"? When do
  claims to privacy hurt rather than protect the integrity of our
  relationships and our selves? (Chapter 4)
  
  3. All families have "hot issues" and secrets. Discuss the role of
  secrets and silence in your family. (Chapter 10)
  
  Use the case examples throughout the book to plan the best way to
  open up a difficult subject with a family member.
  
  Quotes for Discussion
  
  "From the moment we are first wrapped in a pink or blue blanket, we
  learn stories we can tell and whether there is an ear to hear them."
  (Page 82)
  
  "If we are not told the truth, we cannot trust the universe--
  including our internal universe of thoughts, feelings, and
  perceptions. (Page 82)
  
  "Children are the least empowered family members; as such, they can
  afford to take few risks, whether real or imagined, with adults on
  whom their very survival depends." (Page 97)
  
  "Most of us can count on our bodies, like the dreams of our
  unconscious, to at least try to keep us honest."