463 Shitty friends are the real poverty in my life

I have the worlds worst sinus headache this a.m.! Bleh. I am also
peeved at X & not really looking forward to spending the day with
her Saturday. I hope I get to feeling better & perk up by the
weekend. I was just talking to her yesterday about how disappointed I
am with the response to the TRF bus trips and about how poor I'm
gonna be, and she was all like "Well, you're not REALLY gonna be
poor. Nobody's gonna sell your house out from under you and you won't
have to borrow any money from friends like M. and I had to"...

Thanks for the sympathy. I could have really stood to hear a quick,
simple "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." or "That really sucks" but to
have someone tell me that my feelings are invalid just really makes
me angry and sad. Okay, so I didn't spend my teen years doing drugs
and getting laid, so I worked instead. So I got a credit card early
in life and have built up a credit rating so that I can charge things
when I have no cash instead of borrowing from friends (and never
paying them back, may I add), so I didn't marry a man with a 10 grand
debt to the IRS. So I didn't get knocked up 3 times in the course of
5 years. So I work for a living. I guess that means I don't know what
it's REALLY like to be REALLY poor and I should just shut up and
count my blessings. Well, I don't have fucking Anthax either, I
guess I should just go dancing out into the streets because I am just
so goddamned lucky.

She's right, I am not dead, and I should count my blessings. And I
do. But I just wanted a sympathetic ear, not a big lecture about how
I'm not REALLY poor, how my feelings don't really count.

No christmas for anyone. No birthdays for anyone. No traveling. No
eating out. No new clothes. No new shoes. No dental check up this
year or next year. No eye check up this year or next year. No vet
check ups for the pets. No going out. No gym membership next year.
No new books, no new magazines, no fun at all. No more classes for
getting my Travel & Tourism certificate at ACC. No new tools or
materials for Magpies. No traveling to trade shows. No money for
booth fees. No money for selling on ebay. Just pay my debts and work
and go home and that's it. For at least a year. This puts my being
able to pay my personal debts and quit my job and devote more of my
time and energy to Magpies off by at least a year. This puts off my
Real Life for at least a year. But, no, I'm not poor. I still have my
house and I won't have to borrow money from friends. So, fuck me, I'm
not poor at all.

164 Another questionnaire

Found in diaryland diary, copied & pasted here with my answers:
======================

1. What's one thing you wish you could do but can't?

Travel the world with a bevy of beautiful young people who all adore
me.

2. What is your ideal marriage location?

I guess this was suppose to read 'wedding'. But the answer is HELL.
Hell hell hell. I will be a woman slave when I die and go to HELL.

3. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play?

None, really. I don't care about music in that way. I am a DJ.

4. What's your favorite day of the week, and why?

Sunday. Sweetie day, day of rest.

5. Favorite fabric(s)? Silk, Velvet, Cotton, Linen

6. Something you love and hate: My life.

7. What kind of bedding do you use? cotton sheets, satin pillowcase,
polar fleece 'greenie' to keep warm.

8. What kind of soap do you use?

I'm using something icky(fake vanilla crap) right now, but like
Caress bath gel.

9. Do you tell your friends about your sex life?

what friends? What sex life?

10. What's the one language you want to learn?

Any. All. Spanish would probably be useful..

11. How do you eat an apple?

Just bite it around the core, probably rather systematically.

12. What do you order at a bar?

Whiskey sours or (if it's John the bartender) Bloody Mary.

13. Can you count to 13?

Is this some kind of penis reference?

14. Have you ever pierced your body parts?

Ears only


15. Do you have tattoos?

Just one, and despite warnings that I'd get a jones for more,I haven't.


16. Would you ever admit to having done plastic surgery of any kind
if confronted?

a) I would never have cosmetic surgery it is too nasty & dangerous
b) but if I did, I'm sure I wouldn't be coy about it. I showed my
endometriosis surgery scar to everyone.

17. What's one of the "funnest" things you've ever done:

anything with my good friends. Driving around with the punk flock,
doing the Time Warp at the airport. God, I used to be able to have
fun without money. What changed?

18. Do you drive stick?

Yes. My current vehicle doesn't have it, though.

19. What's one trait you hate in a person?

Hypocrisy, doing one thing and saying another, etc.

20. What's the one trait you need in a person?

Honesty.

21. What kind of watch(es) do you wear?

None. I like this "eye of horus" swatch-type one I saw in a catalog.

22. Most frivolous purchase?

Face plates for my phone. Rilly stupid waste of $.

23. Do you consider yourself materialistic?

Absolutely. Money is my god.

24. What do you cook the best?

Lasagne I guess.

25. Favorite writing instrument?

A really nice ball point pen with a large ball, makes me look like I
write neater.

26. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in?

I prefer to be invisible.

27. Do you have anything monogrammed?

No.

28. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?

It would be terribly unconvincing, but I have worn tux jacket & tux
shirt on occasion, does that count?

29. What's one car you will never buy?

Ford.

30. Have you ever done drugs?

yes. Not that great. I prefer liquor.

31. What kind of books do you like to read?

Ones that are well-written & well researched. Historical fiction,
biographies of interesting people, some mystery.suspense. Getting
away from sci fi these days. (originally typoed Sci fie. Hee.)

32. If you won the lottery, what would you do first?

Pay my debts.

33. Burial or cremation?

burial, as long as I can have it doen without being embalmed &
otherwise having my corpse defiled.

34. How many online journals do you read regularly?

all the ones on my profilelist,plus recently updated ones.

35. What's one thing you're a sore loser at?

Anything involving money, anything where the winner acts superior &
rubs it in.

36. If you don't like a person, how do you show it?

Ignore them. Possibly talk shit about them behind their backs.

38. Favorite kind of popcorn?

Caramel.

39. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends?

Nah.

40. Do you cry in front of friends?

Sometimes.

41. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people?

Aloof, cold, disapproving, boring, mean.

42. What's one thing you like to do alone?

Everything. Work, cook, beadwork, stained glass,
computer...everything.

43. What's the worst thing you ever said to someone?

Probably calling my little brother a bastard. But I've said alot of
nasty things to people, more than I can ever be bothered to remember
or regret. I'm a bitch. and now it's come back to bite me in the ass
& I have no friends & no life. Serves me right.

44. What's the worst thing anyone ever said to you?

Mom telling me that she feels like a bad mother, making me feel that
she's disappointed in me. Milan saying that it's too bad I haven't
done anything interesting with my life. General perception of male
father figures not thinking much of my accomplishments in life.

45. Are you a giver or a taker?

giver.

46. When's the right time to go to the bathroom in front of your
significant other?

when ya gotta go...

47. Favorite communication method?

Writing. Email.

48. What is one thing you don't leave home without?

Wallet.

49. How often do you call your mom?

Once a month maybe.

50. What's the most painful experience you've ever had?

So many. Physically either breaking my thumb or endometriosis &
surgery for it. Emotionally...who knows? Being rejected by Tex, being
rejected by male parent figures, being fired by my boss/friend, being
snubbed by my sis in law, being rejected by the TEPs, being snubbed
by AFR, failing in business...*sigh*