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evileSo, I hadn't used my google calendar in ages. I used to do all my calendar maintenance from work and now I don't go online from work anymore. Went online a little while ago and found that Thax is invited to a Xmas party tomorrow at the GF's house. (and he's spent the day with her, and probably the night, since he has no work tomorrow)
Now, I get that I'm not invited/welcome because I'm not really her friend, and that's cool. I don't feel that she should have felt obligated to invite me. But I DO feel that Thax might should have mentioned 'oh, by the way, I'm going to a party tomorrow over at my gf's house' [course, that's why we keep google calendars, so we can catch the things that fall thru the cracks of conversation and be on the same page. So, yeah, I'm getting all bent out of shape for nothing. I know it with my smart brain but I can't seem to stop myself from feeling this way. It's very fucking annoying.]
And of course none of this is really even a problem or an issue because I have TWO party invites tomorrrow night that I plan to pop by at least briefly, even though I basically just know the hosts and none of the other guests all that well and one is a gamer/rockband party. So...I had plans. I am not trolling for an invitation here. Just...feel left out of the loop on his life.
Also, he plans to help move his dad on Sunday, when I was under the impression he was going with me to visit my brother A. Also, OK...I usually make that trek alone, and the only reason I'd originally thought he was coming with me the 19th is because I thought we were headed to visit my OK family after that.
So, agian...nothing is fucked here, but I'm feeling stepped on and ignored and mistreated and all sorts of other bullshit, when the fact is that I am terribly selfish and self centered and I monopolize MOST of Thax's spare time as it is, so I'm just getting all bent out of shape because for once he wants to do something that I'm not dragging him to.
Fuck me. I just need to quit this bullshit RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
I really hate myself right now.
Now, I get that I'm not invited/welcome because I'm not really her friend, and that's cool. I don't feel that she should have felt obligated to invite me. But I DO feel that Thax might should have mentioned 'oh, by the way, I'm going to a party tomorrow over at my gf's house' [course, that's why we keep google calendars, so we can catch the things that fall thru the cracks of conversation and be on the same page. So, yeah, I'm getting all bent out of shape for nothing. I know it with my smart brain but I can't seem to stop myself from feeling this way. It's very fucking annoying.]
And of course none of this is really even a problem or an issue because I have TWO party invites tomorrrow night that I plan to pop by at least briefly, even though I basically just know the hosts and none of the other guests all that well and one is a gamer/rockband party. So...I had plans. I am not trolling for an invitation here. Just...feel left out of the loop on his life.
Also, he plans to help move his dad on Sunday, when I was under the impression he was going with me to visit my brother A. Also, OK...I usually make that trek alone, and the only reason I'd originally thought he was coming with me the 19th is because I thought we were headed to visit my OK family after that.
So, agian...nothing is fucked here, but I'm feeling stepped on and ignored and mistreated and all sorts of other bullshit, when the fact is that I am terribly selfish and self centered and I monopolize MOST of Thax's spare time as it is, so I'm just getting all bent out of shape because for once he wants to do something that I'm not dragging him to.
Fuck me. I just need to quit this bullshit RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
I really hate myself right now.
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Date: 2010-12-17 12:59 am (UTC)which disgusts me on some level, but that is just the kind of person I tend to be. 'communication' always turns into 'me getting my way' and 'me not listening' and it's fucking disgusting.
None of this is the GFs fault btw. This is just me confronting my own despicable awfulness and being disgusted anew at all the filth hiding under these rocks that don't usually get disturbed in the day-to-day of me doing what I want and getting my own way and being in charge of everything all the time.