...

[evile]

So, my mom and X*'s family were friends long before X and I were born. Even though X has made a lot of mistakes and fucked over anyone who ever cared about her, of course her family has stayed in touch with her and with my mom. I'm the only one who took myself out of that loop.

X's stepdad wrote my mom this email:

> [X] called me this afternoon and said she's
> developed advanced ovarian
> cancer. She's meeting her GP and Oncologist tomorrow to
> discuss their findings
> and options. She has also been scheduled for surgery next
> Thursday ( Sept 10)
> and I expect that we'll find out then if the mass has
> metastized (if not
> tomorrow).

I really hated her and wanted her dead.

Now that I'm about to get my wish, apparently, my mom wanted me to know what was going on and tell me I should reconcile. Not as in BFF again but as in "Yom Kippur"...whatever that means.


*background: here's the short version of the X story, and here are the tags relating to or about her in some way.

One of the things I have recently realized is problematic, even pathological, is my tendency to think in terms of all or nothing. The ACOA book I read recently suggests that this black and white thinking is a common trait in adult children of alcoholics. I don't know how to forgive or forget. I don't know how to be OK with someone fucking me over and destroying the childhood of kids I loved...I don't know how to talk to her. As far as I'm concerned, she doesnt' exist anymore. Except when her family or mine reminds me that she does. And then it hurts and makes me sick. So...I don't know how to do this yom kippur thing, whatever it is.

Here we are at the proverbial "wouldn't cross the street to piss on you if you were on fire" moment...now, do I cross the street?

Comments

sounds like family medling.. you get to sit this one out.

[arthurthedented.livejournal.com]

The ONLY circumstance in which your ever laying eyes on each other again is if she, on her deathbed expresses remorse, and a wish to make things right with you... and even then thats your call as to whether you can accept that.

sounds like instead.. the usual error (well intentioned) is occurring in that folks who know you both would like things mended so it makes life.. like a possible impending funeral.. less awkward for them. oh and possibly some religious and traditional stuff that might add to that.

Really IF *SHE* expresses a desire to make amends before shuffeling off her mortal coil.. that .. might be a burden released for both of you. Otherwise another awkward, frustrating refresher on old pains is probably not something good for anyone.

Re: sounds like family medling.. you get to sit this one out.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

well...she's sent emails and called my phone trying to apologize, make amends, whatever. more than once.

the thing is...historically she's been a liar, a user and a manipulator, and I have no way to know if she really meant it this time, or just needed something from me.

My aunt also brought up a good point--X's husband is a nutball, like possibly seriously dangerous brand of crazy, and my aunt said she would prefer I not be around the husband, regardless of anything else going on.

so...I have at least one family member backing up my 'no contact' decision.

I know there's something wrong with me and I'm not the best person...other people can do this and I can't.

but...that's just the way it is right now. And if she goes to her grave without another word to or from me, well, too bad. (and, hey she may recover. these things are not an automatic death sentence)

Re: sounds like family medling.. you get to sit this one out.

[arthurthedented.livejournal.com]

Umm. sounds like I wouldnt go either for whatever thats worth.

whatever you think is wrong with you (and hey, whos perfect?).. I dont think this is it.