hm.

[evile]

following a link from a friend-of-friend's LJ, I am led once again to The Usual Error. here's an exerpt:


“I’m just saying” is another poison dart. You can make any sort of inflammatory or insulting comment, but as long as you repeatedly say, “I’m just saying,” it is difficult to socially justify calling you on your rudeness or meanness. “I’m just saying” is often accompanied by a defensive gesture of palms facing outward, nonverbally reinforcing the message of “Don’t blame me! I said something, but I just said it, so that means I don’t have to take any responsibility for it!” Being socially acceptable doesn’t make it right or good to verbally hurt others.

Read More.

Comments

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

I guess my folks didn't use "bless your heart" like that. It was more of a verbal shorthand for "I recognize a shortcoming and I love the person anyway"

"Bless her heart, she can't balance a checkbook to save her life but she'd write a check for any charity that came knockin' at her door," Or "Bless her heart, she's always late, she'd be late to her own funeral"

I guess I don't read meanness into that, but I suppose it could be used that way.

It's always interesting to see what words or turns of phrase can go right past one person and hit another right in the heart. I guess it's partially what you grow up with, and also what turns of phrase you may associate with a certain person...you just tend to put that person's personality into their 'pet words' or 'catchprases' even if someone else is saying them.

[made-of-paradox.livejournal.com]

Depending on context and who's using it, "Bless her heart!" can be just about the worst insult deliverable, actually. It doesn't have to be that way, though, which makes it somewhat confusing.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

Same with "I love you/him/her, but [insert negative judgement here]" I suppose.

I try never ever to say or think 'I love you, but"

Thinking and words shape feelings and reality. I'm not going to take away from Love by adding a judgement at the end.