very narrow filter
Sep. 13th, 2006 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileFollow-up to this.
Tom and I talked last night about parting ways; there haven't been any fights, he's just never home and doesn't seem interested in being my Sweetie anymore. And I'm past tired of dealing with all his clutter and asking and asking him to do something about it, hearing him say 'ok' and then never doing anything.
He's been talking shit about our house for a long time now: he hates it, he wants to move, it's gonna fall into the creek tomorrow, bla de bla. He won't do anything as far as maintenance or upkeep, so I finally just decided enough was enough, if he wants to leave, let's make plans for him to do so. I don't hate him or anything, but living with him is hard, especially since I don't sense any commitment to me or making a home together...
The easiest thing I can see is to redo our home mortgage so I'm the owner and he walks out with cash. Another possibility I mentioned is each of us going our own ways and selling the house & splitting the $. But each of us would have a hard time on our own, paying for new place and paying on the mortgage until it sold, not to mention having to put $ in to repairs and making it sell-able. I said we ought to get some kind of deadline or time frame set up. He just kept saying "OK" and agreeing, and then he showed me an episode of the Simpsons he'd gotten to record on the DVR thing, then he left for beer and darts with his friends.
I don't know if he'll follow through on this either, but I have a plan to escalate and I'm willing to fuck my credit rating for it, if I have to. I am fully prepared to do whatever it takes; buying him out of his half of the mortgage and sending him off with love & blessings & no hard feelings & and a wad of cash from the equity we've built together seems like the best option. But if he won't get off his ass and do the work to help make that happen, then I can walk and leave a burning wake behind me, and I have no problem with that. It's not the best option, but if he won't talk to me and won't participate in the choices that need to be made, I am prepared to go thermonuclear. Money is made and lost and spent and made again. Credit rating, same. The only thing I can't get back is my life and my time, if I waste them. So if that's what ends up happening, I am OK with that.
I feel incredibly bad; moreso because he didn't really seem to feel anything at all. I kinda wish I was worth working for or fighting for, but he just isn't involved with me at all anymore. My brother A, my brother![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sineater, my bio-dad, fuck_puppy, Tom, most of my exes/one night stands/fwbs/whatever...all these men in my life who don't care about me and won't talk to me anymore. It sucks. What did I do wrong? I must be needing to learn a lesson from it, but what? That I'm not worth giving a crap about? That no matter how much I love and care, nobody's gonna give it back to me? I dunno. It hurts and it sucks.
Tom and I talked last night about parting ways; there haven't been any fights, he's just never home and doesn't seem interested in being my Sweetie anymore. And I'm past tired of dealing with all his clutter and asking and asking him to do something about it, hearing him say 'ok' and then never doing anything.
He's been talking shit about our house for a long time now: he hates it, he wants to move, it's gonna fall into the creek tomorrow, bla de bla. He won't do anything as far as maintenance or upkeep, so I finally just decided enough was enough, if he wants to leave, let's make plans for him to do so. I don't hate him or anything, but living with him is hard, especially since I don't sense any commitment to me or making a home together...
The easiest thing I can see is to redo our home mortgage so I'm the owner and he walks out with cash. Another possibility I mentioned is each of us going our own ways and selling the house & splitting the $. But each of us would have a hard time on our own, paying for new place and paying on the mortgage until it sold, not to mention having to put $ in to repairs and making it sell-able. I said we ought to get some kind of deadline or time frame set up. He just kept saying "OK" and agreeing, and then he showed me an episode of the Simpsons he'd gotten to record on the DVR thing, then he left for beer and darts with his friends.
I don't know if he'll follow through on this either, but I have a plan to escalate and I'm willing to fuck my credit rating for it, if I have to. I am fully prepared to do whatever it takes; buying him out of his half of the mortgage and sending him off with love & blessings & no hard feelings & and a wad of cash from the equity we've built together seems like the best option. But if he won't get off his ass and do the work to help make that happen, then I can walk and leave a burning wake behind me, and I have no problem with that. It's not the best option, but if he won't talk to me and won't participate in the choices that need to be made, I am prepared to go thermonuclear. Money is made and lost and spent and made again. Credit rating, same. The only thing I can't get back is my life and my time, if I waste them. So if that's what ends up happening, I am OK with that.
I feel incredibly bad; moreso because he didn't really seem to feel anything at all. I kinda wish I was worth working for or fighting for, but he just isn't involved with me at all anymore. My brother A, my brother
sineater, my bio-dad, fuck_puppy, Tom, most of my exes/one night stands/fwbs/whatever...all these men in my life who don't care about me and won't talk to me anymore. It sucks. What did I do wrong? I must be needing to learn a lesson from it, but what? That I'm not worth giving a crap about? That no matter how much I love and care, nobody's gonna give it back to me? I dunno. It hurts and it sucks.
thanks
Date: 2006-09-13 06:57 pm (UTC)I don't have to be perfect to be loved, and I dont have to be alone because I'm imperfect, needy, pathetic, and sometimes ugly...