Violence is NEVER the answer
Jan. 4th, 2006 07:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileSome people in the world would like to make things all about THEM. Let me assure you, this issue is not about YOU, it's about ME. I have loved ones who have been abused by people they should have been able to love and trust, from whom they should have been able to expect respect and caring. I am the kind of person who can take any number of insults and abuses directed at ME. I'm a big tough girl, bring it on. But if anyone hurts my family or loved ones, it just breaks me. After a long, hard, tear-filled road, however, I've come to realize that rescue is not an option. The abused person has to take that first step away for themselves. It has to be their choice. The hardest part of love is standing back and respecting others' choices, even when I can see how much their choice damages them. It's damned hard. And seeing or hearing about others in similar situations triggers me, BIG TIME.
Abuse is NOT part of my family history. Alcoholism, suicide, terminal illness, SURE, but not abuse. So I don't have any built in tools to deal with it when it happens to people I care about.
My mom spanked me as a child, but never in anger that I remember. The first, last, and only time she slapped me in the face, I was 12, and I remember it vividly. It was terrifying to see her that angry and that out of control. I am happy to say that she apologized to me and we talked and she never laid a hand on me in anger again, and I never raised a hand against her, either.
I used to get into hellacious fights with my folks when I was a teenager. I was a pain in the ass kid. I was smart-mouthed and disrespectful. I disregarded rules I felt were 'stupid,' I broke curfew and snuck out and stayed up too late and was A Teenager. It's practically in the Rulebook that you HAVE to act that way. It's part of growing up, as much as it sucks for the teenager and everyone around them. Testing the boundaries and how the boundaries are re-inforced is crucial in shaping the adult the child is becoming.
My stepdad once flat out told me "I want to hit you, but I won't." and later when we were calmer, he explained that mutual respect can't be attained if people are afraid of physical violence.
From my family I learned that it's OK to be as mad as you want at someone, but that physical violence breaks a trust and damages respect and keeps people from communicating honestly...and that honesty is important, even when you're furious at someone. I am SO grateful to my mom and stepdad for that. I took it for granted at the time, of course. But I always knew I could mouth off and be an ass and that I would be safe and OK no matter what I said. I have come to realize that kind of respect and love is nothing to take for granted, because it's pretty fuckin' rare, apparently.
If you are in a relationship with a friend, lover, spouse, or parent who hits you, GET HELP. If you find yourself so angry that you hit your parent, lover, spouse, or child, GET HELP. There is NEVER an excuse or a justification for hitting someone in anger. EVER.
Here are some links to information I've collected and posted in the past regarding abusive relationships and what to do to get yourself out of an abusive household. The first step to not being a victim anymore is standing up and walking away. Good luck and God/dess bless.
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?keyword=Abuse+help&user=bramblekite&sortby=des
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bramblekite/tag/abuse_help
Abuse is NOT part of my family history. Alcoholism, suicide, terminal illness, SURE, but not abuse. So I don't have any built in tools to deal with it when it happens to people I care about.
My mom spanked me as a child, but never in anger that I remember. The first, last, and only time she slapped me in the face, I was 12, and I remember it vividly. It was terrifying to see her that angry and that out of control. I am happy to say that she apologized to me and we talked and she never laid a hand on me in anger again, and I never raised a hand against her, either.
I used to get into hellacious fights with my folks when I was a teenager. I was a pain in the ass kid. I was smart-mouthed and disrespectful. I disregarded rules I felt were 'stupid,' I broke curfew and snuck out and stayed up too late and was A Teenager. It's practically in the Rulebook that you HAVE to act that way. It's part of growing up, as much as it sucks for the teenager and everyone around them. Testing the boundaries and how the boundaries are re-inforced is crucial in shaping the adult the child is becoming.
My stepdad once flat out told me "I want to hit you, but I won't." and later when we were calmer, he explained that mutual respect can't be attained if people are afraid of physical violence.
From my family I learned that it's OK to be as mad as you want at someone, but that physical violence breaks a trust and damages respect and keeps people from communicating honestly...and that honesty is important, even when you're furious at someone. I am SO grateful to my mom and stepdad for that. I took it for granted at the time, of course. But I always knew I could mouth off and be an ass and that I would be safe and OK no matter what I said. I have come to realize that kind of respect and love is nothing to take for granted, because it's pretty fuckin' rare, apparently.
If you are in a relationship with a friend, lover, spouse, or parent who hits you, GET HELP. If you find yourself so angry that you hit your parent, lover, spouse, or child, GET HELP. There is NEVER an excuse or a justification for hitting someone in anger. EVER.
Here are some links to information I've collected and posted in the past regarding abusive relationships and what to do to get yourself out of an abusive household. The first step to not being a victim anymore is standing up and walking away. Good luck and God/dess bless.
http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?keyword=Abuse+help&user=bramblekite&sortby=des
http://www.livejournal.com/users/bramblekite/tag/abuse_help
