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Mar. 9th, 2026 04:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evile having an extra-down couple of days.
Housemate Sam got it into her head that we were going to faire on Sunday. Of course we had no such plans. She apparently told Thax behind my back that the reason she was saying that was because she thought I had mentioned faire many times and was hinting I wanted to go.
I am not working. There is no money for such things. Whether I want to go or not.
And, really, faire is something I used to enjoy. But when I go now, I just remember that I used to like it, but I don't really like it now. I don't need any of the 'stuff' they sell, I've seen all the shows, I don't really have any faire friends, there's absolutely no reason to go, or to want to go.
But now I feel as though it's A Big Deal and whatever.
I suggested we go on the 20th, it's the Friday of spring break and they're open and maybe it won't be crowded. Thax said "OK". He has to burn some leave time before end of first quarter at work, so h e's taking some Fridays, plus St. Patrick's day, plus some random Monday.
BUT, really for serious, We have no money to waste on stupid things.
I like the idea of going to faire way more than I actually like going to faire.
I don't want to ask for anything and have him 1) do it resentfully or 2) not do it/ "forget" . Because neither feels very good.
I know that what I want doesn't matter anymore, because I'm not working and I have no money, therefore no say in how we spend resources.
I know I need to stay at home, cook, clean, organize, do whatever I can to be helpful and not spend money.
I have nothing intersting to say, I need to not open my mouth to complain or fuss or be negative. No one needs th at.
I am so tired. I am so so so tired.
I don't have the courage to try and fail to die.
Housemate Sam got it into her head that we were going to faire on Sunday. Of course we had no such plans. She apparently told Thax behind my back that the reason she was saying that was because she thought I had mentioned faire many times and was hinting I wanted to go.
I am not working. There is no money for such things. Whether I want to go or not.
And, really, faire is something I used to enjoy. But when I go now, I just remember that I used to like it, but I don't really like it now. I don't need any of the 'stuff' they sell, I've seen all the shows, I don't really have any faire friends, there's absolutely no reason to go, or to want to go.
But now I feel as though it's A Big Deal and whatever.
I suggested we go on the 20th, it's the Friday of spring break and they're open and maybe it won't be crowded. Thax said "OK". He has to burn some leave time before end of first quarter at work, so h e's taking some Fridays, plus St. Patrick's day, plus some random Monday.
BUT, really for serious, We have no money to waste on stupid things.
I like the idea of going to faire way more than I actually like going to faire.
I don't want to ask for anything and have him 1) do it resentfully or 2) not do it/ "forget" . Because neither feels very good.
I know that what I want doesn't matter anymore, because I'm not working and I have no money, therefore no say in how we spend resources.
I know I need to stay at home, cook, clean, organize, do whatever I can to be helpful and not spend money.
I have nothing intersting to say, I need to not open my mouth to complain or fuss or be negative. No one needs th at.
I am so tired. I am so so so tired.
I don't have the courage to try and fail to die.
