1605 no $

[evile]

 

Sep. 8, 2003

 

 

Another long hard look at finances & sweetie's unemployment situation
have led me to blow off Grapefest this weekeend. :(

I have noticed a tendency in myself to use my 'bugaboos' as rewards
for being sensible and abstemious re: those same 'bugaboos'. If I
lose 5 lbs, I go out for a celebratory milkshake or get a
congratulatory pack of Oreos. If I manage to go a month without
charging anything on my Mastercard, I go on an Amazon.com shopping
spree. And there's also a good bit of crossover re: bugaboos, too, as
in when I buy myself something nice because my ass will finally fit
into it. I feel deprived when I *don't* reward myself, and then the
feeling of deprivation triggers a binge of some sort.

So I have *got* to find something healthier to reward myself with
when I am achieving my goals and being sensible & healthy.

I have *got* to find a way to keep from feeling deprived and
miserable when I decide not spend $$ I don't have. I have pretty much
conquered the deprivation I feel when I *choose* not to drink or eat
something that will not help me lose weight.

My main bugaboos, btw are:

1. weight/food/body image
2. money
3. alcohol
4. over-sleep

Bugaboos I've conquered:

1. role playing games, personas becoming more real than me.
2. sex ( at least in the areas of: putting out, acting out, showing
off for attention)

Addictions I've decided are acceptable:
1. reading
2. being online