5 Childhood Trauma Personalities
Jan. 9th, 2024 02:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evileThis was good. I felt like there was a good bit of overlap for me, like I am elements of more than one, and perhaps it is or was situational for me, as to which trauma personality is my dominant trait.
I related well to the Doer. We skip the messy emotional processing and just go to the solution, fix it. Use busy-ness as a shield against emotional upheavals. Solve the problems, figure stuff out, analyze, instead of feeling what we feel. In the few times I've dipped my toe into therapy I have noticed myself saying "I think ---" when the therapist asks how I'm feeling. I have no idea how i'm feeling, what I'm feeling, or in some ways...how to feel. Emotions are sticky and scary. We don't go to that place.
But then he spoke about the Hostile and I saw elements of myself there, too. This seems more of who I was at times in my tenure at the State. Extremely self protective, extremely reactive against perceptions of unfairness.
Then, woo, pay dirt. The Darkness. Boy, yeah, that's me. Finding the dark cloud in every silver lining-- negative, pessimistic. Things turning to shit, as predicted..wierd way to feel a control over ones environment If we expect and know that everything will turn out poorly, it's not surprising or disappointing when it does, it's just the way it is. Devoid of hope but that's self protective, you know? can't break my heart, I already broke it. Burned it and threw it away. That's been me, most of my life, I think.
The Ghost made me uncomfortable, I t hink I was her in a lot of my childhood with my mom and going between her and my dad (who passed me off to his sister and her family) for summer/holidays. blah.
And then we get to the Are We Good.....which is me every fucken day with Thax, and I know he gets tired of reassuring me, and i know that my insecurity about it, as well as my inability to feel and process my feelings in any consistent and sane manner, is a wedge in the relationship that, thus far, only his kindness, patience, and his own family-of-origin woundings have kept it from driving him away and ending the relationship. (and that feeling of oneself as a burden, and ones emotions and needs as unwelcome and unwanted by others...part of Ghost & Are We Good, voila!)
Intimacy and authenticity are fucking hard, y'all.
I related well to the Doer. We skip the messy emotional processing and just go to the solution, fix it. Use busy-ness as a shield against emotional upheavals. Solve the problems, figure stuff out, analyze, instead of feeling what we feel. In the few times I've dipped my toe into therapy I have noticed myself saying "I think ---" when the therapist asks how I'm feeling. I have no idea how i'm feeling, what I'm feeling, or in some ways...how to feel. Emotions are sticky and scary. We don't go to that place.
But then he spoke about the Hostile and I saw elements of myself there, too. This seems more of who I was at times in my tenure at the State. Extremely self protective, extremely reactive against perceptions of unfairness.
Then, woo, pay dirt. The Darkness. Boy, yeah, that's me. Finding the dark cloud in every silver lining-- negative, pessimistic. Things turning to shit, as predicted..wierd way to feel a control over ones environment If we expect and know that everything will turn out poorly, it's not surprising or disappointing when it does, it's just the way it is. Devoid of hope but that's self protective, you know? can't break my heart, I already broke it. Burned it and threw it away. That's been me, most of my life, I think.
The Ghost made me uncomfortable, I t hink I was her in a lot of my childhood with my mom and going between her and my dad (who passed me off to his sister and her family) for summer/holidays. blah.
And then we get to the Are We Good.....which is me every fucken day with Thax, and I know he gets tired of reassuring me, and i know that my insecurity about it, as well as my inability to feel and process my feelings in any consistent and sane manner, is a wedge in the relationship that, thus far, only his kindness, patience, and his own family-of-origin woundings have kept it from driving him away and ending the relationship. (and that feeling of oneself as a burden, and ones emotions and needs as unwelcome and unwanted by others...part of Ghost & Are We Good, voila!)
Intimacy and authenticity are fucking hard, y'all.
