evile

Oct. 18, 2004

Elysium (kentarre) wrote,
@ 2004-10-16 14:15:00
Current mood: calm

A speech that should be delivered
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH OR
JOHN KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is
now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to
those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The
money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the
costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third
world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at
home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us
and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from
the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can
go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there.
Big tables too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic
relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help,
comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped,
shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to
this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be
turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New
York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2.
President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an
attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry
divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the
way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty ---starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. It is time for America to focus
on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn
tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around
the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about
everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It
is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate
World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you
and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop
dead.

God bless America.
Thank you and good night.