3836icq w/A

[evile]

16 Nov. 12:59 pm

 

 

evile: nice photos :)
skye_dsDS: tante grazie :)
evile: Nobody came to Mt. Bonnell last night. I'm feeling
irrationally upset and self-hating over it. argh. Hate that crap.
skye_dsDS: don't try to invalidate feeling. just feel it, until you
don't feel it anymore. don't hold on to it, but don't try to push it
away, because that usually doesn't work.
evile: I'm not good at that, at all. It's stupid and I have no right
to feel that way, so I just need to fuckin' QUIT

evile: I hate things that make no sense. HATE them.
skye_dsDS: I know that. Believe me.
skye_dsDS: your logic will be much happier when you quit applying it to
feelings.
evile: ANyhoo...not posting on LJ until I get my head out of my ass,
that's for sure. I am sure people are sick of my pity parties and
my 'look at me, i'm needy' bullshit.
skye_dsDS: I doubt that. <hugs>
skye_dsDS: acknowledge the feeling and that it is feeling, not logic,
and it will be easier to just quit. ymmv.
evile: majorly overreacted to Jinx's posting re: her boyfriend.
skye_dsDS: I thought about responding to that but I doubt I can suggest
anything that hasn't already been tried.
evile: *shrug* I get tired of caring about people who don't care
enough about themselves not to let themselves be mistreated.
evile: need to quit feeling about THAT too.
skye_dsDS: ::gently:: I understand wanting to quit feeling, because
feeling defies logic and is all kinds of inconvenient. but it
doesn't work that way...
skye_dsDS: lol @ people who think I'm a stone cold bitch who doesn't
feel at all.
evile: I just get tired of being the big bag of cunts because I'm the
one who dares to 'attack' The Beloved by saying 'gee, you don't
deserve to be treated so badly, maybe you should do something about
that'
evile: caring just gets me fucking kicked in the fucking teeth, I'm
sick of it, and I don't want to do it anymore. So I need to figure
out how to stop.
skye_dsDS: ...good luck...
evile: yup.
evile: At my age, I've done all of this crap enough times that I
ought to be better at it.
skye_dsDS: I don't remember who said it (it may have been Ayn Rand) but
people do treat you t he way you teach them to treat you
skye_dsDS: and that's all you told her
skye_dsDS: I don't see your advice as b eing any different than the
first commenter's
skye_dsDS: just more brutally frank
evile: I am pretty sure it was another situation where the person
wasn't looking for advice, just blowing off steam, and I stuck my
foot in up to the knee.
evile: need to learn from my mistakes. I never ever do.
skye_dsDS: if they don't want advice they should say so
skye_dsDS: everyone knows this
evile: *shrug* or disable comments. Oh well. like I said, made the
same mistake enough times, I need to learn from it.
evile: The good news is I leave at 3 today because I had phone duty.
And it was relatively untraumatic, except for the fact that my voice
is kinda shot from allergies/congestion/sore throat.
skye_dsDS: Onyxxlynx is very good about saying I'm disabling comments
because I'm just thinking out loud
evile: yup.
skye_dsDS: boy did I complicate my friends list last night
skye_dsDS: I added like a dozen groups
evile: wow. that's a lot of reading.
evile: Yahoo is being insufferably slow today.
skye_dsDS: I have been instructed to figure out how Hugh and I can text
back and forth from yahoo to his cell phone
evile: I'm sure it can be done.
evile: 1 hour to go. Seriously tempted to take a sick day tomorrow.
I'm just exhausted. Didn't sleep well last night. Allergies don't
help.
skye_dsDS: allergies constitute sick
skye_dsDS: I've run in to a couple of HORRIBLE guys who /thought/ they
were Dom; but any man who can't control himself nor his emotions and
business DAMN SURE can't control me, nor does he deserve to be called
Master. Masterbator is more apropos.
evile: What brought that on?
skye_dsDS: something I read in a comment in a community. just struck me
as true.
evile: aha
skye_dsDS: and I thought you would understand too, about Domly Doms and
all that
evile: yup. I want to do the SAADE training, but I just don't have
the time they require. It's a great program...I really want to.
evile: I guess the BDSM world is just as prone to the geek social
fallacy type stuff as any other subculture of misfits.
skye_dsDS: nods
evile: Unfo in the BDSM world, unlike D&D or wherever, you fuck up
and you can REALLY hurt people.
skye_dsDS: yes
skye_dsDS: you should see the whole thread that comment was to
evile: I'm sure it would just depress me or make me mad, in the state
of mind I'm in today.
skye_dsDS: probably
skye_dsDS: suffice it to say it more than eloquently proves your last
point
evile: sad.
evile: well, I'm headed out. I might take a sick day tomorrow, so see
ya....whenever.