evile

How in the world do I know if I’m dealing with a narcissist or not? I mean he has some of the traits but not all of them, how many does he have to have to qualify to be a narcissist?

Narcissism is a psychological condition. It can only be diagnosed by a licensed professional. Feel free to do an internet search for DSM criteria[1] for Narcissism, or do an internet search for ‘Am I being abused[2] ’ or “Am I in an abusive relationship[3] ’ and see what rings true for you.

Keep in mind that unless you are a psychological professional in a client-patient relationship with this person, you are NOT in a position to make a diagnosis.

And, honestly, what do you 'win' if you can check off all the traits for the person to "qualify to be a narcissist'? It's not like there's a prize you get for ticking all the boxes, unless you consider abuse to be a prize.

I totally understand the desire to place a label on a person whose behavior is out of bounds of normal humanity, to try and figure out what went wrong or why this person is being so crazy and awful.

But, at the end of the day, it is up to you to decide what behavior you will and will not allow or tolerate. If the person is disrespectful, unpleasant, unkind, or being around them just generally makes you feel drained, unhappy and bad about yourself, it is time to disengage from that person. You don’t need a label or a diagnosis. If a relationship is not working for you, if a person is not behaving kindly toward you, you are free to end that relationship.

And, contrary to the ‘legal presentation’ some folks seem to demand from others to ‘prove’ who is right, who is wrong, who is at fault, who is to blame, and who deserves punishment, there is no ‘judge and jury’ in a personal relationship between two people. You don’t have to come up with a list of ‘good reasons’ to feel as you feel, or to do what you feel you need to do in order to be happy. Go. Fly. Be free of this person.

Footnotes

[1]

https://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf

[2]

https://www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/signs-abuse

[3]

64 Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse: How to Identify It, What to Do

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