evile

Would revealing the narcissist’s behaviour to their family be worth it? Would reporting her shady behaviour to her job bring satisfaction?

In my experience, this isn’t worth it. In hindsight, pointing out narcissistic abuse to my family has made me look jealous, petty, vindictive, and crazy. Especially since in many cases, I am the only one who witnessed the episode of abuse (other than the target, who takes the abuser’s side and has been repeatedly brainwashed by the narcissist into believing things that just didn’t happen.) And the abuser is fairly careful not to abuse in front of parents and grandparents & other family members, for the most part. One sibling witnessed an abusive incident when we were together, but after the fact did not want to be involved or say anything to anyone about it.

Reporting behavior to a workplace is a tricky legal matter*; unless the situation is one in which:

you are a firsthand witness and/or
someone’s life or physical safety is at stake, and/or
your career or credentials make you a mandatory reporter.

I would think very hard and long about contacting their employer. What are your goals in doing so, what is the intended outcome, and, most importantly, what are your weaknesses or vulnerabilities if the narcissist abuser decides to get revenge? It could be anything from a false report to your workplace, to punctured tires to vandalism to just general unpleasantness and drama among mutual friends, family members, or social groups. There’s not a lot of ways to ‘win’ there. In your shoes, I would leave it alone. It is not worth the headache and the potential for retaliation or harassment in-kind, or physical violence &/or threats against your person, property, or livelihood.

I’ve intervened in the past when I saw an unsuspecting person about to utilize the services of my ‘professional expert’ in-law and it really didn’t help the situation at all. And because my ‘professional expert’ in-law is a narcissistic abuser, they turned right around and made false claims to my employer for revenge. I got a month-long paid break from work out of the deal, but unfortunately I could not persuade my higher-ups to file charges against the person for making a false report to a government agency (yes, it’s a crime, Imagine that!)

Knowing what I know now, I give you the benefit of my hindsight and hopes that you won’t make the same mistakes I have: just stay away from this person, if at all possible. Don’t give them any time, attention, or energy.

If it is a matter of life-or-death or if you are legally mandated to report the type of abuse you have actually seen first-hand, go ahead and do so, but be careful. Be anonymous if at all possible.

*Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. If you are considering taking legal action against an abuser in your life, please search for a lawyer who specializes in "high conflict'
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