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evileBreathe. Count. You may not be able to control your temper, or your negative feelings, but you can *always* control your behavior.
Use your words. If the person you are angry with is someone whose relationship you value, take a breath. Count to three. Then say “Can we take a break and talk more about this later?” Maybe when you are calmer, you can work out a nonverbal signal such as the referee’s “Time out” hand sign to show that you are not in a good place emotionally and that you need to step away for a while to get yourself under control. During a calm time, be sure to express to your friend or loved one that you value their company and you want to have a healthy relationship with them.
Additionally, seek out some books, websites, or counseling to help you learn to manage your temper and express yourself nonviolently. Working on yourself is a great way to show the people you care about that you are sincere in your wish to have a healthy relationship with them.
On the other hand, if there is a person who is constantly goading you into blowing up so they can play the victim, or with whom you have an unhealthy dynamic of mutual abuse of one another, you may wish to consider going “no contact” with that person.
No contact isn’t the silent treatment, even though it may look the same from an outsider’s viewpoint. The silent treatment is used to punish and control people, it’s part of an abuser’s bag of tricks. No Contact is when a target of abuse has finally had enough and refuses to engage with their abuser anymore.
Good luck. Self awareness is the first step to self improvement. You got this!
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