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evileI would avoid using such hyperbole as “everyone”. Not ‘everyone’ wants to take vengeance on their narcissistic abuser. this is not ‘always’ the case.
When you find yourself speaking in absolutes, it’s likely that you are engaging in one or more cognitive distortions [1]
Some people have irrational thoughts that tend toward these distortions. It’s important to try and maintain a sense of self-awareness, to always be willing to question thoughts and beliefs, especially the ones that bring you distress, such as the assumption that ‘everyone’ is out to hurt the people who hurt them first or worst. Behaving that way doesn’t feel good, and ultimately it doesn’t help anyone, either the narcissist or their target. So it’s good to recognize that demonizing others doesn’t really help you get where you want to be, or make you into a person that you can admire.
I feel it’s a pretty normal part of the grieving process when a relationship ends, for anyone, to feel some anger and maybe spend some time wishing harm or misfortune on the person who they feel has harmed them. It’s not healthy to stay in that mindset, but it’s important for healing to allow yourself to feel anger and understand that is part of the process.
No, it’s not productive to try and punish a narcissist after they have discarded you, or after you have left him or her. And I don’t feel that the idea of ‘punishment’ is an appropriate behavior between mature adults in a relationship of equals. So, in that regard, you are correct in identifying that it’s not healthy or productive to try and ‘get back’ at a narcissist.
With passage of time and creation of new, positive relationships, it may even be that one can look back at their relationship with a narcissist abuser and recognize that the narcissist is a very sick and pitiful person. Being able to feel compassion for someone who has caused harm is a very noble emotion to have, and it’s a wonderful place of peace to find that compassionate and kind best part of yourself, and to act from that heart of kindness towards others. We don’t need to allow ourselves to be used, abused or mistreated by a narcissist to find that heart of compassion, we can recognize a toxic person, offer silent blessings, and move along our own path to make our own best life. I hope that is what your question ultimately leads you to think and believe, as well.
Footnotes
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