evile

Is it possible for a NPDvictim, to enjoy the narcissists’attention. let’s say you know the pattern of his behaviour? (So you manipulate the pattern of NPD and get your own ’victimfuel’) without being hurt, or are they always better in this?

Most people don’t enjoy thinking of themselves as ‘victims’. People I know who are or were in abusive relationships generally do everything they can to pretend that they are in control of things, even when it’s obvious from outside that they are not.

There is a cycle of abuse that becomes familiar, and the human brain can become addicted to the fight-or-flight chemicals, just as it can become addicted to the sexual bonding hormones that are released during the early ‘love bomb’ stage of the relationship.

So, when I see a person saying they are the victim of a narcissist but they wish to ‘manipulate’ the abuser in order to get their own ‘victimfuel’ what I see is a person who realizes that they are addicted to the drama, the absurdly high ‘highs’ and the dismal and sometimes terrifying ‘lows’ of the cycle of abuse.

Yes, it is possible to manipulate a narcissist to hurry the cycle along. But they are always going to be ‘better at it’ than you are.

The cycle goes like this: “Tension building==>Incident(abuse)==>Reconciliation (honeymoon)==>Calm===>back to Tension building”

This may look something like the abuser saying ugly things or becoming irritated by small things that the victim says and does or just little things in general. “My supper is cold, why is the dog barking, I really hate it when you run the dishwasher while I”m trying to watch my show, shut that kid up!” ….then the Incident happens. The abuser screams and yells, loses their temper completely, or slaps you, the kids, the dogs, etc. The abuser then goes thru a period of “oh, honey, I’m so sorry I did that, I love you, please forgive me, let me take you someplace nice, let me buy you something nice,” and that part feels very good to the victim. But then it all starts again.

As time goes on, the period of calm and the period of reconciliation become shorter, while the tension building and incidents become more and more violent. The victim always wants to get to the reconciliation phase. He or she may observe the abuser becoming short tempered and easily annoyed and know that the blow-up is coming. The victim may go ahead and burn the supper on purpose or pinch the dog to make it bark, just to provoke the blow-up and try to get the hugging, kissing, apologies, and gifts that feel so good.

The thing to understand is that the honeymoon phase is not the real person or the real emotions, the abusive hateful person is the real face of the abuser/narcissist. and your addiction to the honeymoon phase is a self-destructive addiction as bad or worse than an addiction to drugs or alcohol; the fact that your own brain is producing the addictive chemicals doesn’t make them any better for you.

A healthy relationship isn’t going to have these insane highs and catastrophic lows, it may feel ‘boring’ or ‘dull’ at times by comparison, but it is ultimately going to be a deeper and more satisfying relationship. You just have to kick your addiction to unhealthy emotional ties and develop an understanding of the difference between drama and passion in a relationship

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