evile

Oh, no, honey. They don’t end relationships. With a narcissist, it’s never over. Even when they’ve kept you up all night screaming and crying at you, thrown all your stuff out in the yard or sold it on ebay, kicked you out…it’s not over. It’s just part of a longer cycle of manipulation and control until YOU end it.

There’s the courtship/honeymoon phase. They’re sorry they snapped, they’re just going through a bad time, they’re just frustrated that you failed to -bla de bla de bla- they love you and they’re sorry. Here’s a gift they know you’ve wanted for a while, here’s your favorite supper. Here’s some awesome sex. Are you hooked in? yes? Ok, next phase:

Then there’s the little staticky snaps that come along for a while, the little pushes and digs, the little comments, the little jokey insults in front of family and friends, the embarassing stories they tell that make themselves look good and make you look stupid, bad, or dumb. Then comes the ‘you’re too sensitive, you can’t take a joke, what is wrong with you’ It’s like the feeling before a storm, a tension in the air, you know the lightning is about to strike but you dont’ know where or when. Sometimes, you even goad them to blow up, so at least it’s somewhere safe and private, not in the car where they might end up causing a wreck with their flailing and abuse, or heaven forbid, in public— nothing like a big loud screaming match at a friend’s birthday party or a family gathering that somehow gets twisted around to make it look like you are the abusive one….

An then comes the discard, the clothes out on the front porch, the announcement to their Facebook that they are now ‘single’ , the sympathy and kindness from their friends family and flying monkeys, while you just sit there wondering WTF happened. If you lay there like a broken toy they will eventually pick you up again and start the whole cycle again. Insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. They truly do crave connection and unlimited acceptance, forgiveness, and unconditional love. But you are a human and you can’t really do that. And t hey are damaged and cannot be at peace, so no matter how much love you give, it is not enough to stop the cycle and live in the Honeymoon.

YOU have to be strong enough to walk away and never contact the Narc again. Rest assured, they’ll reach out. Holidays, birthdays, if they find out you’ve got a new person in your life. There will come a tender little message that makes you want to open your heart to them again. Go ahead and say no and observe the Narcs true nature come to life: the entitlement, the rage, the “how dare you”. And know that you made the right choice. You have to be the one who ends it. They are stuck in a cycle and will never willingly throw away a source of energy.

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