3242icq w/Sharjinka

[evile]

May 24, 2005

 

 

Sharjinka: *sigh* So much for that idea....
evile: which?
Sharjinka: I talked to Skye_ds about mounted combat and horses....and
beginners on horses that advanced.
evile: You are trying ot talk her into this idea or out of this idea
or what?
Sharjinka: I was trying to tell her to slow down and train the kids
more on basic riding. I failed miserably.
evile: where was this?ICQ or on one of hte boards?
Sharjinka: On AIM.
Sharjinka: I was trained VERY differently on horses than Skye_ds.
evile: I'm sure.
Sharjinka: I told her I couldn't support something like this. Not
this fast.
Sharjinka: Mounted combat on horses that they have trouble
controlling their paces?
evile: I hear ya. I think it's a terrible idea...but she'll have to
learn it the hard way, and hopefully it won't take more than a bad
fall to teach it to her (as opposed to a break or a death, leading
to lawsuit and/or extermination of the animals)
Sharjinka: I hope not! Geez!
Sharjinka: I'm so worried about this and I thought if I talked to
her... she's only worried about protecting herself legally. I'm
worried about more than that.
evile: Tell me what happens to horses that throw/trample people and
then the survivors sue the owners...horsie is dogmeat, right?
Sharjinka: I think so......I've heard of that in worse case scenarios.
Sharjinka: It's very rare.....but it's kind of like putting down a
mean dog. It can happen.
evile: If you can't present it to her framed in a "safety of the
kids" format, present it to her as "if your animals hurt/kill a kid,
your animals are meat"
Sharjinka: I don't think she's willing to listen anymore. She was
mad at me for questioning her judgment on this.
evile: She's the 'horse expert' and she knows everything there is to
know about horses, riding, and mounted combat.
Sharjinka: They haven't even been doing mounted combat that long!
evile: nope.
Sharjinka: I know on the ground combat. Freaky things CAN happen.
Sharjinka: On horses.....I'm having trouble figuring out what all
could go wrong...but I don't like to think along those lines.
evile: I hate to say it, but it's going to take something really bad
to shake her confidence in her 'expertise', and maybe not even then.
Sharjinka: Yes....but what bad thing? I'm worried about the kids.
Protected legally - okay...all well and good but if one of the kids
is seriously injured....
evile: You can't prevent them from signing the waiver and going
riding...all stables have signs that horseback riding is a risk and
you assume all responsibilities. ... I"m sorry, but that's the truth.
Sharjinka: Yes...I know. *sigh* I signed the same waiver when I was
learning. :-)
Sharjinka: My horse instructor never claimed to be an expert. The
first thing she handed me was a shovel and pitchfork.
Sharjinka: She said something about "to ride a horse is to care for
it, can't learn one thing and not anything else."
evile: You are definitely running worst case scenarios. She doesn't
want anyone hurt any more than you do...well, that's good of her, her
heart is in the right place, but....shit happens, and it's gonna
happen whether your'e there with horses or not. A kid could fall out
of a tree while playing assasin and break their arm, just as easily
as falling off the horse.

Sharjinka: That's true.
Sharjinka: *sigh*
Sharjinka: I just wish they'd spend a bit more time working on the
basics.
evile: yup. But she doesn't hear that, she hears you attacking her
knowledge and expertise.
Sharjinka: I know. *sigh*
Sharjinka: I think she got really upset when I told her I wouldn't be
a part of it. I'm not going to ride and I'm not going to learn
mounted combat. I can't control Jesse enough for that.
evile: *nod* good for you. Now hopefully you can trust that others in
the HFS will follow your lead and not do something they dont' feel
safe doing.
Sharjinka: If I thought I could do it, I would. I just don't think
it's safe. I think there is too much machismo from the guys to see
it that way.
Sharjinka: She asked if I planned to talk anyone out of it since they
aren't minors and can ride if they want. I told her it wasn't my
right to tell them what to do.
Sharjinka: If they ask why I don't, I'll just tell them I'm not good
enough or comfortable enough to do that.
evile: *nod*
Sharjinka: I honestly wish people so inexperienced wouldn't ride.
evile: yeah...but how do they get experienced if they dont' ride?
Sharjinka: True....but ....I don't know. I learned the walking and
trotting first. I started out so basic. I guess I just think it's a
lot for a newbie to handle all at once.
evile: yeah. I agree. I wouldnt' try it and I've been riding since I
was a kid.
Sharjinka: I've been watching and thinking about it. I wish I could
do it. I just know that I can't.
evile: That's all you can do...and perhaps some people will be led by
your example.
Sharjinka: Yep. Someday I'll have my own horse and then I'll know
what I'm talking about. It's more of gut instincts and warning
lights then logic right now.
evile: well, it's just like anything else dangerous/unsuitable your
friends get into. You can choose not to do it, you can answer honesty
and completely when they ask WHY, and then you have to let them go.
You can't control anyone but yourself. And you shouldn't try.
Sharjinka: I know. :-) I just know that right now, this is the
decision I have to make on it.
Sharjinka: I have to learn how to handle a dog. This will be my
first dog that wasn't a family pet. Completely my responsibility.
evile: *nod*
Sharjinka: I'm not even sure I can handle THAT! ;-)
evile: Dogs are a lot of work. I wouldn't want one.
Sharjinka: I know. I'm a bit worried.
evile: well, this is a trial period, so it'll be good to find out if
you can handle it.
Sharjinka: 45mph couch potato....
Sharjinka: Yep, yep. I'm going to stress the trial period when he
drops off the dog.
evile: *nod*
Sharjinka: :-D
evile: I've heard/read that having 2 is just as easy (or hard) as
having 1, and then at least they can keep each other company. If Sweetie
and I ever have dogs agian, we are going to get 2.
Sharjinka: It's been recommended that I get 2. I just don't know if
I can afford that right now.
evile: well, like I said, I've heard/read that it's not really any
harder or more expensive to have 2 instead of 1.
Sharjinka: I might think about it again. I'm just worried about
responsibility levels. I've never done this before.
evile: hence the 'trial'
Sharjinka: Yep. :-)
Sharjinka: I'm bringing him out to the park on Sunday. :-D
evile: cool. I hope I'm in town, but still have no idea whether I
will be here or not.
Sharjinka: I was planning on going to Scarborough but I think that
would be a trauma for the dog. ;-)
evile: yup. YOu'd have to get a sitter.
Sharjinka: I'm not going to. :-)
Sharjinka: I hope Chip handles cars okay.
evile: I guess you'll find out!
Sharjinka: Yep. :-D
evile: I told Skye she probably needed to take some time to calm down,
and she signed off ICQ right after that....I probably pissed her off
by not playing drama with her or agreeing that you're unreasonable.
Sharjinka: Thanks.
Sharjinka: I wish I wasn't so nervous about.... I just wish the
training would slow down and be a bit more basic and thorough.
evile: Well, maybe if you both give it some time and try to talk
about it again after you've calmed down, you can bring across your
concerns without making her feel like you're attacking her expertise.
Sharjinka: Yeah...I think you're right. As always. :-D
evile: Bottom line, if your friends want to do dangerous stupid
things, there's nothing you can do to stop them. Your concerns have
been voiced, that's all you can do....
Sharjinka: Yeah...that's true.
evile: You may just want to drop it....you're not going to convince
her that she's not doing the right thing, and you're not going to
convince her that HFS+Equestrian=bad idea ...she's the only one with
horses in HFS, as opposed to SCA, and she wants to make herself feel
special.
evile: If people don't have fun and/or get hurt, they won't play with
her horses for long. I've noticed more and more people being
uninterested in the animals the longer they keep going out there.
Wait it out, eventually everyone will lose interest and she'll find
something else to do with herself and her animals.
Sharjinka: You're right.
evile: She seemed to have a nice time at my house last night, but
then apparently she decided that people were attacking her and I was
egging them on, so she sicced sineater on me. Probably as a smokescreen
to keep from really thinking about the HFS-Horses problem very hard.
evile: I don't care to be a punching bag for her and sineater. I don't
think I'll invite t hem to anything anymore. Sucks for sineater, because
I like him, but I can't have that mess in my life.
Sharjinka: I'm sorry. :-( I didn't bring up the horse problem until
today.
Sharjinka: Wonder why she was so pissed....
Sharjinka: She always seems that way.....
evile: I think she didn't decide until today that she'd
been 'attacked' last night.
evile: Been doing the same bullshit since her 'bachelorette party'
before she adnd sineater got married.
Sharjinka: I really don't understand her at all. *sigh*
evile: sineater's 2 oldest female friends threw her a party (becasue
apparently she had none of her own) and things got ugly, but then
calmed down again, s he left all s miles, 'we'll have you over for
swimming and hottubbing at our new place, bla bla' and then by the
time she got home, she'd worked herself into a fury and sicced sineater
on us.
evile: Fast forward 13 goddamned years and she's still pulling the
same damn shit.
Sharjinka: Yeah.....
Sharjinka: She's a scary person to deal with. I don't think I've
ever spoken up until now.
evile: And now you know why you don't.
Sharjinka: *sigh*
evile: you're not going to convince her you're right. She's not going
to convince you she's right. You may have to just tell her "I am
agreeing to disagree" and perhaps say you'll press for destruction of
the animals if they hurt or kill any of your kids.
Sharjinka: I don't think I could ever do that.... However....if
something that serious did happen, the horses would be banned from
the park.
evile: No, Jinx, here is where you go ultrabitch and make clear that
there WILL be consequences for her poor choices. Those animals kill
your kids, those animals are DEAD
Sharjinka: Oh.....
evile: If the risk is as bad as you fear it is, then it's time to
make clear that she is taking a very LARGE risk in pursuing HFS
equestrian.
evile: If you care about the kids as much as you say, and fear for
them as much as you say you do...then here is where the line gets
drawn.
Sharjinka: If only we had more experienced horse folks and we were
moving a bit slower, I think I'd be okay with it.
evile: You need to make clear to her exactly how much you fear for
their safety and how far you will go to protect your people.
evile: If she sees it as concern and genuine, abject TERROR for the
worst case scenario, rather than an attack on her 'expertise' maybe
she can remove her ego and do what's right
Sharjinka: She has never struck me as being that sort of person.
She's got it in her head and I'm not sure she's willing to drop it.
evile: that is why you need to make it clear what,e xactly, she is
risking by going forward with her choices.
evile: a kid gets hurt? so what, she doesn't get hurt, she doesn't
care. They signed a waiver, that covers her ass. A kid gets hurt and
something of hers is destroyed as a result, she'll care about THAT.
Sharjinka: You may be right there.....
evile: I know I am
Sharjinka: I don't know if....I'm strong enough to threaten like
that.
evile: If you can't, find someone in authority in Drandmir who CAN.
Goofy?
Sharjinka: Maybe. I think I should try and talk to her face to face
about this again and see if I can't reason it out.
evile: let it sit for a few days first.
evile: And be prepared to escalate if/when she won't back down.
Sharjinka: Yep, I will. :-)
Sharjinka: Oh.... :-(

evile: I'm just saying. I think if you can get her to take ego out of
it, you may be able to get her to agree to take it slower.
evile: But most/all of her identity and what makes her like herself
and feel like a likeable person is in her 'way with animals'
evile: So if she feels that is being attacked, that is her core
identity and she will react badly.
Sharjinka: It makes perfect sense.
Sharjinka: I think a few days to think about this and try to come up
with a solution is the best thing to do.
Sharjinka: I want my temper to calm down a bit but I don't really
feel that upset. But sometimes I don't feel upset and if the button
is pushed, I'm surprised to find out that I am. :-D
Sharjinka: Does that make any sense at all?
evile: Yup. It makes perfect sense. Just take as long as you need to
get calm and control your behavior as much as you can. You can't
control feelings, just outward behavior.
Sharjinka: Right! Gotta catch the bus. Bye.
evile: OK. *hugs*