3239ICQ w/A (teh crazy 'snarking' and 'egging')

[evile]

May 24, 2005

 

 

evile: Made it home safe, I take it?
SkyeDS: no. lol.
evile: no?
SkyeDS: j/k
evile: Oh good. I was afraid you were going to say you'd had a fender
bender or something.
SkyeDS: sineater talked to me the whole way to keep me awake.
SkyeDS: I wasn't sleepy but it made him feel better.
evile: that was nice of him
SkyeDS: it was, because he doesn't like using the phone except as an
exchange of information.
evile: *nod* me too.
evile: Did y'all have enough fun? I don't remember sineater saying 'bye
to me before he left, but I did overhear him saying 'bye' to someone
else.
SkyeDS: I probably should have left when he did, but as usual I can
resist everything but temptation.
evile: I worried that you'd be too tired to drive safely, but you're
a grownup, so I didn't nag.
SkyeDS: nope, was wide awake
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: reason why I drank one glass of sangria immediately and a sip
of port and stopped there
SkyeDS: and no food
SkyeDS: food = food coma
evile: Oh, Ok then.
SkyeDS: I hope I wasn't too much of an embarassment
evile: I don't think so.
SkyeDS: well, if you think I carried myself well, then I will go with
that.
evile: I noticed that you started out doing the nervous motormouth
thing, but once that passed, I think you were fine. :)
SkyeDS: you used to say the same thing about Chance.
evile: *nod* i think a lot of people do that, it's pretty normal.
SkyeDS: you revised your opinion of Chance, which you don't do, very
often.
evile: *shrug* I'm trying to get better about that.
SkyeDS: did I pass the snarky bitch test?
evile: I don't have any idea; we're not a hive-mind, as much as it
might appear to be so from a distance :P
SkyeDS: I was very happy to meet kulilinei, ladydreamtime, argonarcher and Katy's man
whose name I forgot with the talking stick :(
SkyeDS: Nikiyoy says we've met many times before but I don't remember
SkyeDS: somewhat bothersome that I am more memorable to her than she
is to me
evile: *nod* At least one poly dinner that I know of.
SkyeDS: I've only been to two.
SkyeDS: two does not "many times before" make, imo.
evile: Possibly some PNO or CMA thing? I dunno.
SkyeDS: won't be the first time someone remembers me and not the
other way around
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: sineater is on phone
evile: OK
SkyeDS: he asked me to ask you if there was anyway he could call you
on your cell phone while you're at work or what
SkyeDS: since he can't IM
evile: I am not free to talk openly at work, due to coworker
nosiness. Can he msg me via email, or LJ, maybe?
SkyeDS: he says email works :)
evile: Plus my cell is only 60 minutes a month, so I don't really use
it for 'conversation' type stuff.
evile: I check my yahoo email several times a day.
evile: Other than what you see in LJ, and a nice emailed 'thank you'
from argonarcher, there hasn't been much other conversation about last
night. I guess that means it went well.
SkyeDS: was it not obvious?
SkyeDS: I thought it was obvious...and I'm dense.
SkyeDS: I'm also on the verge of retreating into cave/well/hermit
phase, I think. I can feel it pulling at me, hard.
evile: I'm just waiting for someone to complain about something or
mention something that someone did that made them uncomfortable.
SkyeDS: you want to know or you don't want to know
evile: Of course I want to know. Unless it's something about the
weather, which I had no control over.
SkyeDS: and I haven't read LJ today, Hugh is litigating and that puts
him in a bad mood and means that I have to toe a line
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: what if some personal discomfort had nothing to do with you?
and might have been a personal problem that just needs resolving
personally
SkyeDS: ala Ruiz #2 (Don't Take it Personally)
SkyeDS: and of course, I can't speak for anyone but myself (including
of course, sineater)
evile: *nod*
evile: The thing that killed me about the picnic in the park (My Last
Party, officially) is that people complained afterwards about the
heat, dirt, and bugs. None of which are anything I could do anything
about--it was an outdoor party, these things exist outdoors.
evile: But if the food was unpleasant, or one of the guests did or
said something impolite, that's something I could at least attempt to
remedy.
SkyeDS: I'm not sure whether to take some of the snarks as aimed at
me personally or not
SkyeDS: I decided under #2 not to
SkyeDS: until snarkster started bragging about double bitch points
for snarking at someone's face and getting away with it because
person was so stupid they didn't know they were being snarked
evile: I don't know who/what you're talking about, so I can't really
help you with the judgement on that
SkyeDS: and I restrained myself to pointing out that there is such a
thing as not being deaf
SkyeDS: but deliberately ignoring
SkyeDS: because this whole snark thing, when someone is snarking
someone present, seems damned if you do and damned if you don't.
evile: When Nikiyoy was talking about snarking the new BF's ex?
SkyeDS: the right thing, I am convinced, is to ignore
SkyeDS: no, when she was snarking at me.
evile: I didn't hear it.
SkyeDS: but then if you ignore, they give themselves double bitch
points
SkyeDS: which I suppose one should also ignore
evile: I have no context to judge whether or not your perceptions
mirror the actual events.
SkyeDS: because if you say, hey, I know you're doing it, I'm not
stupidly oblivious, I'm ignoring you, because you aren't worth a reply
SkyeDS: then that's a mistake too
SkyeDS: sineater asked me what happened with her last comment about
jousting and whether or not you were egging her on
SkyeDS: and I've already told him, I'm not even going there
SkyeDS: I didn't hear it
evile: Who said what to whom in what reply?
SkyeDS: I'm not going there, I'm not getting into it. I'm going to
handle my side of things, myself.
SkyeDS: I've already stated, I'm not sure if my perception was right
wrong shared or whatever.
evile: Like I said, we're not a hive mind. There are people I dont'
like that others in our group do. There are people I like that others
in the group do not.
evile: I think we have a general agreement that if it's your house,
you invite who you like and if others have a problem with it, they
need to be polite and respectful regardless of personal feelings.
evile: The only thing I remember hearing from Nikiyoy was talking about
snarking her new boyfriends GF.
SkyeDS: the whole entire reason I didn't even want to mention this is
because you said before you didn't think I could handle the snarky
bitches and I don't want you using this as reason to think you were
correct.
SkyeDS: I think I handled it just fine.
SkyeDS: there were several snarks that I weren't sure were aimed at
me particularly until the very end of the evening
SkyeDS: and I may still have been wrong.
SkyeDS: so I liked my response just fine, because it was suitable
whether it was personal or not
SkyeDS: which was to tell her, just because people don't react to you
snarking them to their face doesn't mean they don't know you're doing
it, it means they're choosing to ignore you, because your snarks
aren't worth the effort.
evile: Well, I'm glad you didn't get ugly and/or let your fears
cause you to leave early, anyway.
SkyeDS: I hsould have left when sineater did because of work
SkyeDS: and because those who like to poke at me like to do it when
he isn't around
SkyeDS: but I made that decision and I lived with it just fine
SkyeDS: even if I am falling over sleepy now
evile: *shrug* I didnt' see it. Nikiyoy is young and a bit sharp, I
really wouldn't take her personally.
SkyeDS: I'm trying not to.
SkyeDS: sineater thought she seemed unhappy and poky at eveyrone and
everything all night long.
SkyeDS: I completely agree with that assessment.
SkyeDS: I have this feeling of why me, what the hell did I ever do to
her?
evile: And if you were perceiving me as 'egging' anyone on, that is
flat out incorrect. I was trying to have a nice time and see that my
guests did so as well.
SkyeDS: that because it isn't logic, it's an emotion, isn't going to
be reasoned with.
SkyeDS: egging on = his perception, not mine
SkyeDS: I have no opinion about that one way or the other.
SkyeDS: I will deal with the why me, what the hell did I do to
deserve that shit, on my own, because it's my shit, and I'll own it
SkyeDS: and that's the reason I didn't even want to say anything
SkyeDS: and only said something because I don't want it laid at my
feet that I didn't say anything and should have.
evile: I was making conversation & trying to keep things light and
pleasant. I have absolutely *zero* interest in making people unhappy
and causing fights among my friends and loved ones in my home.
SkyeDS: if people don't say things, it might be because they don't
want to upset you, and they're trying to take responsibility for
their own shit.
evile: My hostess persona gives me a good out. When people start to
say anything boring, tactless, or needlessly self-aggrandizing, I
just find something else that needs my immediate attention.
SkyeDS: I don't like the place I'm in right now at all
SkyeDS: if I say something I'm wrong
SkyeDS: if I don't say something I'm wrong
SkyeDS: and all I want to do is own my shit, learn from this obstacle
and further myself along my path of intention
evile: You are the one sticking the 'wrong' label on yourself. I am
not doing or saying anything, because I didnt' see or percieve what
you did.
SkyeDS: I mean wrong in saying anything to you.
SkyeDS: ie, saying something to you is wrong, not saying something to
you is wrong, and all I want to do is deal with the feelings and get
them out of my system
evile: You are still teh one applying the 'wrong' label. I am just
here.
evile: You have the right to your feelings. Not all of my friends are
going to get along with all of my other friends. If you don't like
Nikiyoy and feel that she was being deliberately abrasive towards you,
that is your perception and welcome to it.
SkyeDS: I didn't want to say anything because a) I might have
misperceived and b) if I didn't misperceive, it's still my situation
to handle, and I don't want to involve anyone else.
SkyeDS: but I know you get upset when you feel like people horde
things to throw at you later
SkyeDS: and I ahte that too
SkyeDS: and I didn't want to do that
SkyeDS: or be perceived as doing that
SkyeDS: so I'm saying, this had nothing to do with you.
evile: I really wouldn't take Nikiyoy personally, if I was you, or let
her bother you for too long. I don't know what was said or in what
context, if I was there I didn't see it or hear it the same way you
did because Nikiyoy and I are much closer friends than you and she are...
evile: her sense of humor is sometimes abrasive/cruel. I really don't
think she means anything by it.
SkyeDS: I can't stop you from thinking that I can't handle snarks
aimed at me
SkyeDS: if they were truly aimed at me, I handled them just fine
SkyeDS: and if they weren't aimed at me, then it says nothing about
whether I can handle them aimed at me or not.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and for the record I've already told sineater if he wants to know
anything that was said outside of my earshot he'll have to ask you,
I'll be no part of it.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I don't want to go there (you know where there is) again,
anymore than you do, believe me.
evile: Honestly, you aren't really a topic of conversation as much as
you might think/hope. We do have other things to think and speak
about.
SkyeDS: you can scratch hope
SkyeDS: being topic of conversation = usually bad
evile: Like, wer'e not going to get together next Monday and take
votes on who likes skye, or anything like that...really, truly,
that's NOT what we're about
SkyeDS: that's not my perception. Have already said, I know when
shit's my shit, and I'm dealing with it.
SkyeDS: I just don't want to be accused of not saying things when I
should have.
SkyeDS: when I've thought I should say something, I got burned
SkyeDS: when I've thought I shouldn't say something, I got burned
SkyeDS: so I'm about at the place where I'm going to do what I damn
well please because I"m going to get burned regardless
evile: Bottom line: If you feel you handled snarks that were aimed at
you with dignity, then you need to quit sticking the 'wrong' label on
the interaction.
SkyeDS: I will assume if you perceived that I acted with less than
dignity you would say so
evile: And if you think I did or said something deliberately
offensive, let me assure you I did not. I was seeking (and mostly
think I had) a pleasant evening at home with friends & loved ones.
evile: Stirring up shit between people I like is not conducive to
having a pleasant evening at home, therefore I didn't do it, and
wouldn't do it.
SkyeDS: I didn't think otherwise
SkyeDS: what anyone else thinks = not my problem
evile: yup
SkyeDS: even if that person is "close" to me
SkyeDS: I am applying the "wrong" label to whether or not I should
say something to you about my feelings about the whole thing when you
ask
SkyeDS: and I'm at the point right now where if someone else is going
to apply that label to me no matter what I do, well, I can't do a
damn thing about that, and there's no point in even trying anymore.
evile: *shrug* You told me your thoughts/ feelings, my resulting
thoughts/feelings are my responsibility.
SkyeDS: I think there are questions people shouldn't ask because they
really don't want to know the answers
SkyeDS: but, a direct question deserves a direct answer.
evile: Well, I knew that eventually someone was going to come up with
a reason why last night wasn't as fun as I thought it was, better to
hear it now from the person involved rather than later.
SkyeDS: if I wasn't having fun I would have left pretty soon after
sineater did
SkyeDS: the balance of the other personalities was much more
important to me than just one other
SkyeDS: Kulilinei did not look in person much like her LJ icon, her LJ
icon does not do her justice
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and that's the first time I've had teh chance to meet Argon
Eric
SkyeDS: I'm happy that there seems to be no ill will with knighthorse
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and I enjoyed ladydreamtime, maggiemaepisces, aple and Katy's Shaman (what is his
name?)
evile: knighthorse and Kili are not joined at the hip. Her enemies are not
automatically his.
evile: Keith.
SkyeDS: he is a much different personality with kulilinei than with Kili
SkyeDS: some people's behavior is more influenced by who is in their
surroundings than others
evile: I suspect it is actually Kai that makes the difference; knighthorse
as 'dad' is slightly softer than knighthorse the guy.
SkyeDS: Kulilinei/Kai = package deal (or should be)
evile: yup
SkyeDS: Ashia (divine ambrosia) is like that
SkyeDS: very pleasant when she's around some people but not when
she's around others
SkyeDS: much more like that than knighthorse
evile: I've never seen knighthorse be unpleasant.
SkyeDS: since he didn't respond to my "if I offended you I'm s orry"
apology, I didn't know what to think/expect
evile: Probably in the same way Sweetie avoids getting embroiled in my
family bullshit, knighthorse figured he'd do the same--it wasn't his fight,
why should he get involved, one way or the other.
SkyeDS: well, since I was interacting with him and not her, I was
concerned about offending him, and not her.
SkyeDS: I respect the intellect I encountered, I really d on't give a
damn about her lack thereof.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: that's why I wrote him, and not her, to say, if I offended,
I'm sorry, such was the farthest thing from my intent.
evile: He probably thinks the whole thing was silly & blown out of
proportion, didn't care to dignify the tempest in a teapot with any
more wind.
SkyeDS: I hope so, because that's much preferable to harboring
unspoken ill will.
SkyeDS: that's why I was pleased that there didn't seem to be any.
SkyeDS: matter of fact, it wouldn't have occurred to me to even
apologize should I have offended
SkyeDS: until she told sineater that I offended everyone there and not
just her.
SkyeDS: since I happen to give a damn, whether I should or not, about
what Terriblelyne, savanni, knighthorse and Robin think, I thought if that was the
case I should apologize.
evile: Whatever. Kili assumes that her actions and feelings are of
paramount importance to the entire world, and that if she's
offended,of course everyone else will be too...whereas the reality
was that nobody but the 2 of you realized t here was anything to be
upset over.
SkyeDS: only thing that upsets me is people being upset with me
SkyeDS: it was the same feeling..."what the hell did I do to deserve
this from her?"
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and baring the neck and saying look, I didn't want a fight,
doesn't work
SkyeDS: and that's the reason I'm getting about tired of people and
at the point where just about everyone I know can go take a flying
fuck
SkyeDS: I seem to be upsetting people everywhere I turn lately, so it
must be me, and I need to remove myself until I can figure out what
the hell I'm doing, and stop
evile: If you need to hermit for awhile, you should.
SkyeDS: Sharjinka is radiating unhappiness about my migrating the
games to the HFS
evile: I think she has safety concerns.
SkyeDS: so she said
SkyeDS: and I asked her, well, do you doubt my personal and
professional judgment?
SkyeDS: and she said no
SkyeDS: she doesn't seem to be able to separate her concerns for
herself, and everyone else
SkyeDS: I told her look, I respect your concerns, I won't ever again
ask you if you want to participate, cool
SkyeDS: and thought that should be the end of that
SkyeDS: and she wanted to continue debating whether the other people
involved should be
SkyeDS: and I'm sorry but that's not her call
evile: She's a good rider, from what I understand. I think she's
worried about the kids with no riding experience getting up and
trying to do mounted battle without knowing safe riding basics first.
SkyeDS: the people she thinks don't have experience do
SkyeDS: and are not just vetted by me, but by one of the only three
golden lancers in the SCA
SkyeDS: Chris/Keject specifically
SkyeDS: and as I pointed out to her, he is a safer rider than either
sineater or sonar0m or me for that matter
SkyeDS: she was going on and on about minors, and I said what minors?
SkyeDS: there was no reasoning with her.
SkyeDS: and since I have adopted the safety standards that have
worked for decades with the SCA, and there is no demonstrable reason
not to trust my personal and professional judgment, I don't see the
point in debating.
SkyeDS: and I did my very best to alleviate whatever bad feelings
were going on, I tried like three times, and she was having none of
it.
SkyeDS: and I know that I'm supposed to be giving sources of
negativity a silent blessing and avoiding them.. and it hurts to do
so when one of them is ostensibly my friend.
evile: Just because she is worried about something, doesn't mean
she's not your frend.
SkyeDS: she seethes with her worries like a volcano.
evile: She feels very protective of the 'kids' in HFS. I empathize
SkyeDS: she seemed most worried about keject
SkyeDS: keject is not a minor
SkyeDS: keject has not only been vetted by me but by one of the three
best equestrian officials in the SCA
SkyeDS: case closed, far as I'm concerned
evile: it's like driving...you're a fine driver, but the drunk idiot
going the wrong way at high speeds will still kill your safety-minded
ass.
SkyeDS: and the last thing I needed today was a bunch of
recriminations about how I should not let keject ride Jesse
SkyeDS: she comes from a different school than I do where horses are
concerned and that's fine
SkyeDS: I have no problem with agreeing to disagree, but that takes
two.
SkyeDS: and she isn't having any of it.
evile: That's too bad. I would say if they are adults and they give
informed consent, it's their own tough shit if they get broken or
killed riding...says so on every riding stable I've seen.
SkyeDS: exactly.
SkyeDS: I tried to explain to her why I operate the way I do, and
that didn't go well at all
SkyeDS: so then I said, well, ok, I know you don't think the same
way, adn that's cool, let's jsut agree to disagree
SkyeDS: and no dice.
SkyeDS: and I've already said, I'm not going to let her volcanic
emotions ruin my experience at Drandmir.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: it's just hard to have all that washing over me
SkyeDS: it's overwhelming.
evile: yeah, I'm sure.
SkyeDS: I'm already dealing with one case of what the hell did I do,
I didn't need another one blindsiding me
SkyeDS: all I did was tell her, got Prophet in the saddle with a
sword sunday, now we're just waiting on you
SkyeDS: and all she had to do was say, no, don't want to, quit asking
me, and that would have sufficed
SkyeDS: I didn't need the riot act
SkyeDS: when I asked her directly, was it her intention to question
my methods because they weren't her methods, she said no, and then
went right back to doing just exactly that.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: she's worried someone will sue the HFS and win
SkyeDS: well, everyone that rides HFS combat, to my knowledge, has
signed my waiver AND the HFS waiver
SkyeDS: she seems to think that I have not considered and covered my
bases, even when I'm using a tried and true system of security safety
and protection, and nevermind that I"m not exactly untutored in
legalities.
evile: yup. Everyone will do their best to be safe and play safe, and
if something happens (as it can even on the ground, I've seen padded
pvc break and scratch the fuck out of someone's face)...it happens,
and everyone will have to deal at that point.
SkyeDS: she's being overly paranoid about something new and she even
admitted as much
SkyeDS: I'm actually glad she decided to just leave and go to lunch
SkyeDS: because not a damn thing I could say was stemming the tide
SkyeDS: thankfully Hugh just went to lunch, so I can get the tears
out of my system. Now if the phone will just oblige me by not
ringing.
evile: yup. She's definitely running worst case scenarios in her
mind. She doesn't want anyone hurt...well, that's good of her, her
heart is in the right place, but....shit happens, and it's gonna
happen whether your'e there with horses or not. A kid could fall out
of a tree while playing assasin and break their arm, just as easily
as falling off the horse.
SkyeDS: crying at work = bad thing.
evile: sometimes ya gotta cry.
evile: It sounds to me like you're feeling bad about one situation
and letting it color your perceptions about another unrelated
situation.
SkyeDS: I am overwhelmed because the same situation seems to keep
reiterating itself recurringly
SkyeDS: it's hard not to let perceptions be colored when the same
thing happens often enough to make it a pattern.
evile: It could be that you are seeing similarities where none exist,
or only exist superficially.
SkyeDS: people radiating serious levels of upset with me every time I
turn around is not superficial to me.
SkyeDS: and the more people who are upset with me, the more I am
inclined to think I must be doing something to bring it all about
evile: I seriously doubt anyone was upset with you at my house last
night...I t hink you were just tired and upset from fussing with
Jinx, and took things personally that were not meant for you to take
personally
SkyeDS: Jinx was this morning
evile: perhaps that's been building longer than you realize? or maybe
t here is something else going on that put you in a frame of mind to
feel snarked/victimized
SkyeDS: no, pretty much every time something sets her off I feel
blindsided
evile: you're a lot more intuitive t han you realize, I think. She's
been worried about the horses being out at HFS for quite some time,
if you recall.
SkyeDS: and every time she says that's what's really bothering her,
it was something else.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: provably something else.
SkyeDS: sineater and sonar0m do something similar but not completely
SkyeDS: they get upset, and they don't know what about
SkyeDS: so there's not a damn thing I can do about it
SkyeDS: I don't even know whether it's me, or something else.
evile: *nod* it's tough to deal with.
SkyeDS: I just didn't need a Sharjinka rant about the horses right now
this minute
evile: well, that seems to happen a lot...you're in a bad mental
space and more and more shit gets shoveled on top of you.
evile: But consider this: on a happy day when everything was going
right for you, would any one of these things mess with you? No.
You're just reacting and reacting and reacting and letting things be
more upsetting than they would be as individual events.
SkyeDS: things by themselves no
SkyeDS: same t hing over and over again = pattern
SkyeDS: pattern I brought upon myself, some way some how, so I have
to figure it out so I can make it go away
evile: The only thing you have control over is your behavior. As long
as you continue to behave in a way that you feel is appropriate,
that's all anyone can ask.
SkyeDS: my feeling that I am responding appropriately can't be right
if it's creating this pattern
evile: I say rest and get your hermit time and see if that gives you
some perspective to deal with the latest challenges.
SkyeDS: there are a number of people whom I am not creating this
pattern with
SkyeDS: so maybe it isn't entirely hermit time
evile: could be.
SkyeDS: why would I be creating this with some people and not with
others.
evile: You are not going to get along with everyone in the world,
ever, no matter how kind, generous, decent, well-adjusted, etc. you
may attempt to be.
evile: Some personalities just dont' mesh.
evile: It's nobody's fault...you like horses and birds and SCA and
Person A has no interest in any of that and likes things you're not
interested in, too.
SkyeDS: upsets with people that I do share those interests with
upsets me
SkyeDS: ie, SCA upsets, and Sharjinka/HFS upsets
evile: Well, even within interests, not everyone is going to be
friends automatically, and even friends are not going to agree with
each other 100% all the time. You just have to decide if the
disagreement is going to be a deal breaker on the friendship, or
participation in the group.
SkyeDS: upsets don't have to be dealbreakers, but if I'm doing
something to cause them, I need to figure it out so I can stop.
SkyeDS: before they become dealbreakers.
SkyeDS: decided already a while back that I wasn't going to let
Sharjinka be a dealbreaker. She decides whatever she decides but I'm
going to keep doing what I've been doing regardless.
SkyeDS: but if people in all these different venues are upset with me
I must be doing something, and I need to figure it out or I won't
stop.
evile: I don't see 'all these different'. I see one.
evile: Sharjinka has said she doesn't want to do mounted combat,
that's her right. She has said she doesn't think it's safe for you to
have other peopel doing it...that's not her call to make. From there,
you both choose how to react and how to continue the relationship
SkyeDS: I've expressed that I've made that call myself, as it was my
call to make, and why I make t he calls I do. Why doesn't it end
there?
evile: You say people were snarking and attacking you, I say I didn't
see it. You may or may not have chosen to take a general statement as
a personal attack..you wisely chose to react appropriately and
discreetly. Now you can choose to let it go, or you can choose to
approach Nikiyoy, or you can choose to continue to let yourself be upset
over something that may or may not have been intendet to upset you.
SkyeDS: I respect her decisions on her own behalf, what the hell is
wrong with agreeing to disagree?
SkyeDS: I know I"m not going to change her mind and all s he does
when she keeps going on about it is annoying the pig (while trying to
teach her to dance)
evile: By disengaging from you & discussion of horses, that may be as
far as she goes on 'agreeing to disagree'
SkyeDS: ok, so why not let me disengage the half a dozen times I tried
SkyeDS: then storming off wouldn't have been necessary
evile: She thinks people are at risk. She is afraid for them.
SkyeDS: she said that. I heard that. I acknowledged hearing that.
Nothing I said made a damn bit of difference, and nothing she said is
going to make a damn bit of difference to me.
SkyeDS: and rather than letting it go when I tried to change the
subject she kept right on going until she worked herself up into
storming off.
evile: So...she disengaged. Now you do the same, and try to be calm
and enjoy what you've decided to do.
SkyeDS: why did she not disengage when I tried to?
SkyeDS: am I not allowed to disengage?
SkyeDS: should I have just stormed off by way of disengaging?
evile: perhaps she didn't read the attempt correctly...worrying about
what shoud and should not have happened and when is not goign to
change what actually happened. Take what you know and go forward.
SkyeDS: this reinforces my fuck this and fuck you (whomever) response.
SkyeDS: if nothing I do is perceived the way it's intended, then it's
out of my control and I"ll do what I damned well please and quit
giving a damn about the feelings of people around me
evile: If that's a response that will end up making you feel better
than you do now, maybe so. But I suspect you'd end up beating up on
yourself if you descended to that level of behavior.
SkyeDS: that goes against everything I believe, but there it is.
SkyeDS: I attempt to disengage, I get run over
SkyeDS: and then she hits and runs by way of disengaging
SkyeDS: I fucking don't deserve that.
evile: things dont' always go the way you want them to.
SkyeDS: particularly not from someone that I have invested as much of
myself into as Sharjinka
evile: Why don't you quit beating up on yourself and quit agonizing,
do something else for a while,and let things settle down?