3044Sweetness from Zenrhino

[evile]

 

Mar. 23, 2005

 

 

02:43 pm March 22nd, 2005
frozenrhino

While I'm Thinking About It...

Amateur Living Will, ala Rhino:

As a paramedic, I learned there are Four kinds of dead:

Not Dead -- pulse, respiration, enough cognitive function to know
better than to vote Republican. But that doesn't count as dead.

Dead -- no pulse, no respiration. This can be fixed given a little
luck, knowledge, and good timing.

Really Dead -- no pulse, no respiration, no way to get them back
short of Miracles of Modern Medicine from guys for whom an MD was
just a walk in the park.

Extremely Dead -- no pulse, no respiration, and the parts it takes to
get and keep them going are missing, destroyed, or long past the
point of function. This includes people who look Not Dead but
aren't, such as that political football of a woman in Florida.

You have my permission to keep me from being dead.
You even have my permission to move me from Really Dead to Dead to
Not Dead, but not if it involves some big pain in the ass reversal of
my own stupidity (liver or heart transplant, etc.)

Having said that....

Any of you motherfuckers (or anyone else, for that matter) tries to
keep me alive when my brain is dead or the rest of me is Extremely
Dead, I'm going to come back as a herpes virus and give you weeping
sores on your junk so bad you'll never get to come again and every
time you piss it'll be like the electric chair.

And then when I die as a herpes virus, I'm coming back as a cat and
taking big runny shits in your kids' sandbox.

And then when I die as a cat, I'm coming back as a yeast infection so
bad you'll be praying to Poppin Fresh for mercy.

And then when I die as a yeast infection, I'm coming back as a shark and eating
your children. Live in Indiana? I don't care. LANDSHARK.

When I go, it'll be from cholesterol poisoning or a jealous husband,
and both of them are deaths I've earned.

Even if it's some random and comedically tragic thing like getting
stomped to death by a moose or choking to death on a piece of sushi
or getting splatted by space junk or being ripped apart in a paper
recycling shredder or being slowly eaten alive by a flesh-eating
virus, just let it happen. I'm a fucking BUDDHIST. I'll be back in
fourty-someodd days whether you like it or not. I sure the fuck
won't hit nirvana this life time.

Don't keep the grumpy Buddhist from his next life.

===========

From: bramblekite
Date: March 23rd, 2005 - 05:01 am
hell yeah

You should get "I'm a fucking BUDDHIST." tatooed somewhere, just so
medical staff will know what to do with ya.

*hugs & kisses* I don't like to think of the world without you in it,
my friend.

From: frozenrhino Date: March 23rd, 2005 - 10:52 pm
Re: hell yeah

You either! *smooch*