2991me & J-law

[evile]

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evile

Mar. 1, 2005

 

 

I sent J-law the ICQ between me & sineater. Here are her thoughts:


--- J-Law wrote:

Damn.

Well, he certainly sounds serious, although it is worrisome how much
he blames himself. It takes two people to make a relationship good or
bad. He might have his contribution, but UB was contributing plenty
of bad shit herself.

As for the "she changes for the better and stays better," I don't
really think that is true. She is good at appearing to change and
maintaining that appearance for a period of time, but she
always reverts.

Speaking of family drama, did rubber_pig pop her sprog?

============
evilE wrote:

it's very sick and codependent. I don't think sineater can change enough
to be the mind-reading perfect man she seems to need. I think he will
kill himself trying.

I had read this at first as "I need to leave"="I want to leave" and
the more I consider it, it seems that he is being told he needs to
leave, if he won't buckle down and be perfect just like she is!
*vomit vomit*

rubber_pig went into labor this a.m. and Mom drove to SA.

No word yet. Aunt L and I have a Tina appt tomorrow after work, I guess
I'll hear all about it then.
==================

J-law . wrote:

Yes, it is. The other thing is, Sineater shouldn't *have* to change into
a mind-reading perfect man, and it is wrong/immature/sick of skye_ds to
expect that out of someone else.

I hope Sineater is the one making the decision here. It makes everything
too ambiguous if it is UB kicking him out. I mean to say, if it is
all up to her, he might be left wondering if he could have fixed
anything, done something different, etc. More significantly, if its
her making the decision, she could always change her mind and, if
sineater is feeling any big regrets and wanting to "make it up to
her" type stuff, he might well go back.

Cart's way before the horse on that one, though.

Meantime, the best you can do is be there in whatever capacity you
are able to provide help. What do you think Sweetie will say?

Let me know what happens with rubber_pig. If the 'kid' looks remarkably
like a cabbage patch doll, I won't be remotely surprised.
================
evilE H wrote:
I think it's all blown over now...false alarm, back
to the honeymoon phase, everything is lovely, lalala.

I'm VERY VERY glad I didn't say anything nasty
about skye_ds to Sineater. Hell, for all I know this was some
elaborate ruse to trick me into saying shit about
her. You just never know when dealing with someone that
nuts.
========================
--- J-law . wrote:

Ohlord. In the back of my mind, I was thinking
this
might be some temporary state. Damn. Well, at
least we know that sineater leaving has been an option
in someone's mind at some point in time.

That was very wise of you not to say anything
about
UB. I thought you handled it very well -
supportive, diplomatic, etc., but not taking sides
or talking shit.
=============================================
evilE H <eekatfreaksdotnet@yahoo.com wrote:
I went home and talked things over w/Sweetie. He's so
great. I took a deep breath and said "Sineater is
talking
about leaving skye_ds. He wants to stay here for
awhile. I told him I needed to talk it over with you
first." and his response was "What's to talk about?
He's leaving her! GREAT!"...But I went ahead and
talked about the ideas/boundaries I have in this
situation, and we did come up with ONE thing that
Sweetie
has a boundary on--no bird. I am the one who felt
like
we needed a time limit, and limits on phone calls,
skye_ds not being allowed over while sineater is in the
house, sineater not having a key and not being in the
house when we're not there, etc.

Here is what I sent sineater. I fear it's too harsh, but
I
tried to establish boundaries for our peace &
safety,
rather than as a controlling effort. So I hope that
it
looks like that's where I'm coming from on these: [sent the 6 rules
to J-law]
==================================

--- J-law . <jendewitt2000@yahoo.com wrote:

I am glad Sweetie is so cool about everything, but
you're absolutely right - you all definitely need to
law the ground rules at the outset. I think your
rules are perfectly reasonable. I read them as
coming from a desire to make everything go smoothly
and safely, but, given all of his emotional drama at
the moment, I don't know that he will take it that
way. I hope he does. But, even if he doesn't, you
had to be firm.

Any word on rubber_pig's sprog? Is it named Madeleine
Celinda, and did she come with all her adoption
papers and a cute change of clothes?

==============
me:

I love the Cabbage Patch theory. Alas, it seems to be an actual
infant.

Aunt L called yesterday at 3:20 to say it was born, it's small, female,
and cries constantly. I do not know its name, and I don't care.

Mom called my cell and left a message around 4:30 (which, honestly, I
did not listen to all of it, I missed her call becuse she called as I
was sitting at the bus stop & it was noisy so I didn't hear my phone
right away. Then I was getting into voice mail & the bus came).
Something about how it's "tiny" 5 pounds and 10 ounces, bla bla.

The smallest baby we've had on our side of the family was [brother A] at 7
lbs and some. Mom and aunt L were both over 8, I was over 8, [sister H] was
over 9. I dunno about Uncle Bubba, but I know he wasn't no damn 5 lbs.

So, I'm thinking: this isn't ours, it's early, and/or rubber_pig did not
take care of herself properly during pregnancy, possibly kept up her
use of pain meds during the pregnancy. (It was born at home under
midwife supervision, so there's a good possibility rubber_pig did it that
way on purpose to keep the standard hospital blood tests from being
done to see if it was born addicted...that is my personal theory on
why it won't stop crying..)

all very sad.

In hindsight, I could have phrased some of the rules to sineater more
tactfully, but I am not regretting any of them. sineater has always been
a bit sneaky/guarded (In ICQ yesterday, I had to ask him 3 times
yesterday where he was) and I feel that tendency has been reinforced
by having to hide his thoughts and feelings from skye_ds, and then
skye_ds's nuts and also sneaky and unethical and violent (by her own
admission! She has stories she likes to tell to illustrate these
traits in herself, and she always seems very self-satisfied and
utterly justified in doing these things), so I really wouldn't put it
past her to have engineered this whole 'fight' as a test of my
loyalty, or plot to get sineater into our house to snoop, steal, or
destroy something, or plot for sineater to get a key and have a copy made
for her. Who knows? It's sad that I can't trust him, but...I don't.
Which does not stop me from caring about him and wanting to help, but
I need to protect my household, too.

*sigh*

Anyway, I went out to the Austin Java Co. with my gals last night
(forced myself, since I really didn't feel like it) and had a really
great visit. We all unburdened ourselves of our various troubles,
talked some smack, shared what's good in our lives, laughed and
hugged 'bye. Everyone felt better going home, I think. I know I did.