3312zenrhino posted a link to this in LJ

[evile]

Jun. 23, 2005

 

 

In a way it made me sad...but in another way, it made me glad I've
found this little pocket of denial to hide in. No more trying, no
more putting myself out there, no more horrendous debt and failure.
Killin time until time kills me seems like a fine thing, in
comparison.
-------------------------------------------------------------
http://anonymouslawyer.blogspot.com/2004/05/had-good-lunch-with-
associate-today.html

Thursday, May 20, 2004

Had a good lunch with the associate today. He picked a wonderful
restaurant, and we made it a two-and-a-half hour event. He told me
about the novel he wrote, and the book of short stories he's hoping
to produce in his spare time this summer, and I asked him what he
could possibly be doing at a law firm. There are people who are
passionate about the law, there's no question. There are people who
genuinely love the intellectual challenge of what they do here.
Absolutely. And there are people who don't, but there aren't any jobs
where they would, so why not pick something that pays well and has
some prestige. They don't have tremendous passions or productive
activities they find fulfilling -- they like good food, good wine,
exotic travel, nice things -- so the job that's going to make them
happiest is the one that pays well, and they're smart, and this isn't
the worst life imaginable, so they make the work-long-hours tradeoff,
pretty easily, and they do this for a living. It's understandable.
There's nothing else really pulling at them -- maybe family,
eventually, but they recognize they have to earn a living somehow,
and this is easier and more lucrative than construction, so here they
are. It's fine. I get it. But then there's people like this guy.
People who are smart enough to do this, and probably do it well and
make a good living from it -- but it's never going to be enough, it's
never going to be what they really want to be doing, and it's never
going to send them home at night truly happy with who they've become.
Yet they do it because they're frightened. They're frightened of
taking that leap of faith, but not knowing how to turn what excites
them and motivates them into a way to make a living, and not sure
they really have the talent, and not at all confident it will all
work out in the end. And worried that by giving up the safe,
reliable, however sould-crushing income stream and societal
respectability, they'll have made a disastrous choice that will come
back to haunt them in the future. And they can't take the risk. And
so they end up here -- not necessarily miserable, although in some
cases probably, but resigned, beaten, conquered, tamed -- by a life
that isn't really what they feel like they were meant to be doing,
isn't really what they feel like they want to be doing, and isn't
really what makes them able to look in the mirror without regrets. If
he stays here, this is who he will become. He knows it, and, after
today, I know it. He can stay, in the cloak of someone who loves the
law, or in the cloak of someone who loves nothing so he settles for
the law -- but either way, he's hiding. I told him I'd love to read
his novel.

# posted by Anonymous @ 7:27 PM
Comments:
Which kind of lawyer are you?

I'm one of the frightened ones.

# posted by Anonymous : 3:46 AM
Occasionally, big firm attorneys swoop into town and tread the pine
floors of our county courthouse. It's always a treat to watch the
cufflinks flash as the nine-year associate hands his supervising
partner the gilded pleadings. Your blog is a fascinating window into
an alien world.

# posted by Anonymous : 9:56 AM
AL, do you think from the second comment posted that the experience
is all that different for the small town practitioner or County DA?

Why are Summer Associate's only options to live "in the cloak of
someone who loves the law" or "the cloak of someone who loves nothing
so he settles"? Was it clear already that he couldn't be one of those
that is passionate about what he is going into, or can one not know
until they are there? Does it go to motivation?

I ponder these things when I see classmates pursuing the life you
describe, and I wonder if they might be locked-in and regretful in a
few years. I wonder if they will even care. I question how this
is/will change me and if I will choose to accept and become that
change, or if I could change to such an extent and not even notice.
That concerns me - surely such a thing is not possible. Is it? We
always have a choice. Isn't that what makes life bearable?

# posted by Anonymous : 11:42 AM
As someone who is planning to start law school this fall and has an
MFA in creative writing plus a solid career in software design behind
me, I've given a lot of thought to the issues you've raised. I don't
chalk it up to fear; I chalk it up to pragmatism. Law, as I see it,
offers the opportunity to have some financial stability plus
intellectual challenge. It's similar to the intellectual challenge
that makes me love creative writing and software design, and what it
lacks in conventional creativity, it makes up for with presenting the
possibility of channeling it for a good cause (at least with some pro
bono work).

It's easy, from where you are, to sit and see the negatives, and
idealize the full-time writing career this associate might be leaving
behind. I'd suggest life isn't that black and white - a carefully
chosen career satisfies a balance of motivations, not necessarily a
single passion. I think it would be interesting to explore the topic
with your associate more, from an angle of possibility rather than
fear. Yes, he's clearly leaving some things behind or relegating them
to second best but he might be moving toward other things, of which
you're not aware.

# posted by Anonymous : 8:00 AM
I'm one of the frieghtened ones also. And I've been running on the
fear, while bearing the regret, for a decade and a half.

Unless a person can hide from himself also, settling is a difficult
thing to do.
# posted by Anonymous : 7:11 AM

Comments

3316ICQ w/zenrhino

[evile]

Jun. 23, 2005


evile: *hugs* I liked your link today in LJ.
Rhino: That guy has a great blog..
Rhino: That and Waiter Rant are my two favorites. =)
evile: *nod* I like Waiter Rant too :)
evile: I usually forget about them for awhile and then read everything
all at once. Unlike my RL friends, which I read obsessively every day.
Rhino: =)
evile: TIm is quiet. ICQ is quiet. We have absolutely NOTHING to do at
work. I may try to sneak out early and fake like I worked through half
of lunch.
Rhino: *grin* Move to adjourn!
evile: seconded. Now home for nekkid-time before I have to go to poly
dinner!