last night's dream
Apr. 14th, 2021 09:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
evile I was back in Mt. Gretna, PA. in my summer job that I got after I graduated from college in 1995. I mean, sorta-kinda, it wasn't exactly the same but that was the 'feeling' of the dream, it was supposed to be taking place in that time & place. My SIL skye_ds was there with her young man sonar0m. There was a tree house that he had decorated and spiffed up for us to hang out in, like he made or brought up furniture and posters and it was this cool little hang-out place for us to just put on costumes and hang out and watch TV and be silly. Apparently we also had a club that we went out and went dancing there; she wore all purple and I wore all black. We were trying on costumes in our tree house and she told me I should wear red to the club that night, and she kind of draped this filmy red and gold translucent silk thing around my head and face and attached it to my hair somehow like a veil. We were having a fun time and I didn't want to wake up.
Now that I'm awake, I find I have some insights (like why do I even bother with this woman, but ohwell, my brain)
When I was having my summer flings at Mt Gretna, she was already 4 years into her crappy marriage to my brother sineater; he's a slob and they struggled financially for a long time (maybe still do, I dunnno) It doesn't seem they have ever been truly happy together or truly loved one another in any sort of healthy, positive way. For her, marriage seems to be 'finding someone you hate enough to want to torture for the rest of their lives' and for him marriage seems to be a test of strength and loyalty in the face of dire torture. I don't really get it, but neither of them have left the other though she's threatened many times.
She also tells a story where she married her high school sweetheart right after they graduated and then divorced and he got half her savings. I don't know if it's true or not, but sad if true. She sold her youth far too cheaply and too soon. So, for her, it seems to me that sonar0m and the other young hs/college age guys she's gotten involved with represent some level of re-living those years for herself, and making choices that were more about fun and less about escaping a restrictive home situation.
my ex friend, X, too, married at 18 and has been stuck in her situation ever since. She seems to have a more loving relationship but still sick in a lot of ways (drugs, enabling, financial dependency, etc.) Another who sold their youth too soon and too cheaply. (I don't know why that phrase popped into my head but it's really ringing in there.) I'm glad and grateful now that I kinda fucked off and had some adventures before I finally settled in with old 'Sweetie'....not that he was a great choice, but at least I did some interesting living before settlng in to the domestic workaday grind. I guess i can see why X, someone who married at 18 and had 3 kids (X) and never really had a career or life of her own might be hateful and envious towards me. And I can also see why skye_ds may hate and envy me for my life choices, as well. Ah well. I think they both have the lives they want now, and so do I (ish. I still want to live somewhere besides Texas, still leaning towards Belize, but maybe Colorado)
Anyway, it was a nice dream and I liked being back in the tall trees of Mt. Gretna & having a young and pretty body and a young and silly life.
Now that I'm awake, I find I have some insights (like why do I even bother with this woman, but ohwell, my brain)
When I was having my summer flings at Mt Gretna, she was already 4 years into her crappy marriage to my brother sineater; he's a slob and they struggled financially for a long time (maybe still do, I dunnno) It doesn't seem they have ever been truly happy together or truly loved one another in any sort of healthy, positive way. For her, marriage seems to be 'finding someone you hate enough to want to torture for the rest of their lives' and for him marriage seems to be a test of strength and loyalty in the face of dire torture. I don't really get it, but neither of them have left the other though she's threatened many times.
She also tells a story where she married her high school sweetheart right after they graduated and then divorced and he got half her savings. I don't know if it's true or not, but sad if true. She sold her youth far too cheaply and too soon. So, for her, it seems to me that sonar0m and the other young hs/college age guys she's gotten involved with represent some level of re-living those years for herself, and making choices that were more about fun and less about escaping a restrictive home situation.
my ex friend, X, too, married at 18 and has been stuck in her situation ever since. She seems to have a more loving relationship but still sick in a lot of ways (drugs, enabling, financial dependency, etc.) Another who sold their youth too soon and too cheaply. (I don't know why that phrase popped into my head but it's really ringing in there.) I'm glad and grateful now that I kinda fucked off and had some adventures before I finally settled in with old 'Sweetie'....not that he was a great choice, but at least I did some interesting living before settlng in to the domestic workaday grind. I guess i can see why X, someone who married at 18 and had 3 kids (X) and never really had a career or life of her own might be hateful and envious towards me. And I can also see why skye_ds may hate and envy me for my life choices, as well. Ah well. I think they both have the lives they want now, and so do I (ish. I still want to live somewhere besides Texas, still leaning towards Belize, but maybe Colorado)
Anyway, it was a nice dream and I liked being back in the tall trees of Mt. Gretna & having a young and pretty body and a young and silly life.
