"Stay Safe Goals"

[evile]

These books are due back at the library soon, so I'm going to be posting a few more helpful snippets before I return them.

from
It's Not Okay Anymore: Your Personal Guide to Ending Abuse, Taking Charge, and Loving Yourself by Greg Enns and Jan Black

STAY SAFE GOALS

Staying safe is as important as getting safe. The Stay Safe Goals listed below will strengthen you in areas that could sabotage your efforts at abuse-free living. We suggest you begin work on these goals immedately, whether you remain in your relationship or leave
it. They will improve your life and jump-start your well-being.

ECONOMIC GOALS

Economic Goal #1. A safe place to live.

A safe place for me to live is ____________________________

If "home" is your answer, under what condition is home a "safe" place?

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Economic Goal #2. A source of income.

I have an adequate and stable source of income. Yes/No

If "no," my task is to identify an assessment and training center that can help me prepare for, and find, a job that I can enjoy doing and do well.

Employment placement service: ____________________ Phone:__________
Training center: (ex: Jobs Council, Job Corps, Community College):

________________________________________

Phone: ________________

________________________________________

Phone: ________________

________________________________________

Phone: ________________

Economic Goal #3. Childcare arrangements, if necessary:

A safe and healthy place for my child(ren) to be cared for:

________________________________________________________

My FREE childcare options include: _________________________________

Emergency childcare options include: _______________________________

Written instructions for care of children, especially if child has medical needs, prescriptions, etc.:

________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________

Economic Goal #4. Transportation.

I have ready access to safe transportation.

I have my own car (in good working condition).

I have bus fare and know the bus schedule in my area.

I have taxi fare put aside for emergencies.

Other transportation readily available:__________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

RELATIONSHIP GOALS

You have many resources to help you develop your relationship skills. In addition to books, videos, cassettes, and some television programming, you can receive help from your doctor or nurse, most domestic violence shelters, community colleges, YWCA's, and
counseling centers. Check to see if your employer has an employee assistance program. If these groups cannot help you themselves, they may know where to send you.

Relationship Goal #1. Self-nurturing skills.

I know how to effectively communicate my affection and respect for those I care about (including myself).

If this statement is not true for me, then my plan to develop this skill is to: (Example: Select a book from the Book List in Part Four, under "Loving Yourself." Begin using the suggestions.)

______________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #2. Parenting Skills.

I know how to give my children consistent love and attention, see that they receive the guidance they need, show them appropriate behaviors by the way I act (including not hitting them), be consistent about rules and discipline, limit exposure to violence, and teach them ways to avoid becoming victims of abuse.

If this statement is not true for you, then your plan to develop this skill is to: (Example: Attend local parenting classes, support groups, read books on parenting, watch parenting videos.)

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #3. Refusal Skills.

I know how to say "no" to people, places, and things that violate my set personal limits (boundaries).

If this statement is not true for me, my plan to develop this skill is to: (Example: Complete the action steps in the "Boundaries" section of this book.)

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #4. Assertiveness Skills.

I know how to get my needs and reasonable wants met without becoming dishonestly compliant (saying "yes" when I think and feel "no"), or becoming hostile or aggressive.

If this statement is not true for me, then my plan to develop this skill is to: (Example: Rent a video at the library, practice with a trusted friend.)

_________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Relationship Goal #5. Conflict Resolving Skills.

I know how to settle disagreements and fights in a positive way.

If this statement is not true for you, then your plan to devlop this skill is to: (Example: Enroll in a class on conflict resolution at the YWCA.)

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________

Comments

[ladydreamtime.livejournal.com]

Thank you. A plan for independent living is important for everyone. Even those of us who were lucky/skilled enough to end up with the right people need to think of what to do when they die.

*hugs* You're welcome.

[bramblekite.livejournal.com]

That's a dark thought, but you're right...we can't know how long the right person will be with us & have to be ready to take care of ourselves should the worst happen. In that regard, I think poly people have a lot over traditional monogamous couples.

I also think even the most sane and loving people can always use reminders to nurture themselves, tips on how to take care of the lives entrusted to them (children, cherished pets etc.), say 'no', be assertive, and resolve conflicts in a positive way. Humans are tricky critters, and relationships are hard work. Even our relationship to Self.

As <lj user="kulilinei" has said so well in her own LJ, working on self is a lifelong, ongoing project, and it's only too easy to fall into bad habits.

[onyxlynxx.livejournal.com]

Relationship Goal #4. Assertiveness Skills.

I know how to get my needs and reasonable wants met without becoming dishonestly compliant (saying "yes" when I think and feel "no"), or becoming hostile or aggressive.

I am still working on this one. Thanks for posting this. It is helpful and thought provoking.