evile

Jul. 10, 2004

A Guide to Vices

Anger
Don't: Allow your anger to control you, negatively impacting your
progress.
Do: Allow the fire of your hate to fuel your succession to power.

Arrogance
Don't: Tell the imbecile he's so far out of his league that he isn't
fit to stroke your bat.
Do: Allow him to strike out in front of thousands of fans. Then, hit
the home run. You see, words can be forgotten - public humiliation
lasts a lifetime.

Bragging
Don't: Tell of your exploits. The fact that you need to will
encourage people to question your credibility.
Do: Have your friends tell of your exploits. It will get you power,
respect and sex with minimal effort on your part.

Cowardice
Don't: Attempt to fight the four-hundred pounds of brick shithouse
that spilled your beer.
Do: That night, blast his girl in the ass while he rots in a cell
after the inevitable barfight.

Disloyalty
Don't: Abandon your partners because they don't live up to your
expectations.
Do: Abandon your partners because they don't live up to your
expectations, then take them for everything they have, as per the
fine print in your contract.

Envy
Don't: Allow your envy to show, or to affect the quality of your life.
Do: Find your target's most prized talent and beat the pants off him.

Greed
Don't: Surround yourself with everything you own.
Do: Allow the people you own to surround you with everything they
own. People (and their possessions) can be replaced, but your stuff
is forever.

Injustice
Don't: Expect a blind visage of a weak social group to smite your
enemies.
Do: Collect the eyes for your eye...one from each of their children.

Impatience
Don't: Crack the whip on your servants, as they will resent you for
it.
Do: Force their manager to crack the whip, while you feign sympathy.
Everybody wins!

Jealousy
Don't: Tell your girlfriend that you'd like to sleep with her friend.
Do: Tell your girlfriend that you'd like her to expand her sexual
horizons with her closest friend, and not to worry, because you'll be
right there.

Recklessness
Don't: Engage in dangerous behavior that could injure or kill you.
Do: Invest in human shields. Then, engage in dangerous behavior that
could injure or kill your replaceable shield.

Sloth
Don't: Wallow in your own comfort.
Do: Goad your loved ones into hiring singing lesbians to cater to you
in your time of need.

Untrustworthiness
Don't: Reveal to anyone that you are not trustworthy.
Do: Reveal to anyone that you are not trustworthy, after it's too
late to be affected by any consequences.

Weakness
Don't: Display any weakness.
Do: Shoot, stake, stab and burn anyone who uncovers your buried
secret. You may be afraid of spiders but you can hit small, moving
targets with unflinching accuracy.

Wrath
Don't: Raise your flaming sword and smite the wicked.
Do: Incite a mob and direct them toward your enemies. Work smarter,
not harder.