2886icq w/A

[evile]

Jan. 31, 2005

 

 

SkyeDS: <return hugs>
evile: hi.
evile: how's your monday going?
SkyeDS: it goes. don't like cold and rain, sinuses aggravated and
makes me lethargic and want to hibernate.
evile: yup, that was pretty much my weekend.
SkyeDS: I am thankful that Sineater took my advice and talked to you
before letting fly with a post. I think that would have been a bad
thing.
SkyeDS: he actually sat down and wrote a post but then fell asleep
before he managed to send it.
evile: all communication can be productive, if one is patient &
loving enough to keep talking and listening.
evile: I'm hurt, but I'm grateful.
SkyeDS: what he was going to post out of anger was much more hurtful
SkyeDS: he made some leaps that I told him I thought weren't justified
SkyeDS: told him, look, do what you want
SkyeDS: but I think you should keep in mind that the last time I was
that angry with your m other
SkyeDS: I called her, and asked her, did you intend for your words to
hit a button and start a war?
SkyeDS: because I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt
SkyeDS: as it turned out in that instance, she didn't mean to, but
didn't take it back when she had the chance, or explain what she
meant. I had a feeling in this instance it was a different sitch.
SkyeDS: for one thing, he was taking all the abuse posts as being
aimed at us, and I said, um, I think they're more about Brother A and
rubber_pig, maybe you might want to ask...
evile: If the shoe fits, eat it.
SkyeDS: and implying a romantic relationship from a bounced email is
kind of ... silly... too.
evile: *rolling eyes*
SkyeDS: he has an overdeveloped private detective gene (kind of
common to his personality type actually)
evile: 1 plus 1 is always 57 in the world of Paranoid people who
think that everything is always about them.
SkyeDS: lol well, he did calm down and listen to reason before he
acted this time rather than after, which is progress relatively
speaking
evile: I don't know what part of "heterosexual monogamous" one would
not get.
evile: but I guess some people just dont' understand any other kind
of relationship and always have to assume the genitals are involved.
SkyeDS: I don't think he was measuring with an evilE ruler, I think
he was measuring with a Kaleon ruler.
evile: well, that's pretty fuckin' offensive. But I think I drew my
line in the sand pretty clearly and established some rules for future
interaction that will be productive.
SkyeDS: boundaries = good
evile: Including, if YOU are offended, YOU need to tell me. I did not
really get the impression that you were offended and told him to bite
me in the ass this particular time, but it bears restating. I think
you and I have enough respect for one another to deal directly with
one another in a respectful, growth-oriented fashion.
SkyeDS: learned my lesson the hard way about people who won't/don't
see the need to respect boundaries
SkyeDS: I would hope we do. I feel that we do.
evile: good.
SkyeDS: not imputing my feelings to you
SkyeDS: the point I had to make to him, in addition to, quit jumping
to conclusions, that's not good exercise
SkyeDS: was that, yes, I have no doubt that Kaleon got the idea that I
abused him from evilE's posts
SkyeDS: but so what.
SkyeDS: is this her fault? it isn't like she did it on purpose.
SkyeDS: that's jumping to conclusions.
SkyeDS: I posted a story I've always liked (that I did not write)
called Fairy Tale, because you and onyxlynxx and Co have been enjoying
your forays so much lately, and I just wanted to share.
SkyeDS: no doubt someone also took that personally too
evile: If I had meant any of that for J, I would have put it in HIS
lj, don't ya think?
SkyeDS: just had to connect for Sineater that if Kaleon taking everything
in my journal personally is stupid, tis also stupid for him to take
anything in your journal personally too
evile: Personally, I think if there is any abuse in his life, it
stems from home and childhood, and wounds are being re-opened now
that he is back with his family.
evile: and it's much easier to be angry with an ex who no longer has
any power over him, than to be angry with the people he lives with.
SkyeDS: well, as far as using that as new woman bait
SkyeDS: any new woman who could sit there and listen to that shit
about an ex
SkyeDS: and not think that eventually it's going to be aimed at her
SkyeDS: is fuckin stupid
SkyeDS: and the reason that the abuse thing got to me where all the
other stuff didn't
SkyeDS: is because on more than one occasion he abused me to the
point where Sineater and sonar0m both came to his apartment/nearly called
the cops to rescue me
SkyeDS: (nearly called the cops when the abuse was in OK)
evile: He is an unhappy person. He needs help. Nobody deserves to be
mistreated, even if they are angry and unhappy and unpleasant to be
around.
SkyeDS: just hard to hear someone who abused you call you an abuser.
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: as far as abuse, I have a pretty good idea I know what abuse
he's suffering at the hadns of his parents
SkyeDS: "we need you to get a job. we can't afford your room and
board otherwise"
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: they're both retired, living on fixed incomes, very small ones
SkyeDS: these people eat beans and rice because they can't afford
anything else
SkyeDS: his dad destroyed his own health working in a cement plant
for his entire life to provide for his family
SkyeDS: and Kaleon refuses to work in the cement plant
SkyeDS: and refuses to work anywhere else for that matter
SkyeDS: he sits around all day reading, playing games, watching tv
and (literally) jacking off (to porn).
SkyeDS: I submit that if you had an adult child who came back to the
nest and did that, you'd tell him shape up or ship out too.
evile: thank goodness that will never be me.
SkyeDS: I'm sorry but I don't see that as abuse.
SkyeDS: I wouldn't see it as abuse if my parents told me that, should
I ever move back home
evile: Admittedly, it's not unreasonable to expect a member of your
household to contribute to the household.
evile: However, there are positive, constructive ways to make such a
demand, and there are destructive, abusive ways to make the same
demand.
evile: *shrug* he's not my problem, and I don't really care, except
that he upsets you and your distress upsets Sineater.
SkyeDS: actually Sineater was much more distressed than I was, on his own.
SkyeDS: his feelings are seldom tied to mine.
evile: I tried to be his friend and he stabbed me in the back and
threw it back in my face. I feel sorry as hell for him, that
something in him is so shrivelled and sad that he has to treat people
like that, but it's a pretty abstract sort of pity, not an
active,involved kind of pity.
SkyeDS: I can't say how they made that demand on him, constructively
or not.
SkyeDS: however it's rather silly of him not to head that off at the
pass by getting a job before they start after him about it
SkyeDS: he should have known they would start after him about it,
abusively (in his perception), because this happened the last time he
was living at home
SkyeDS: Sineater's feelings and my feelings are like day and night on
many things, which is one of the reasons we have to work so hard to
communicate with each other (but that's a different kettle of fish)
evile: I would like to think that the door is still open between me &
Sineater, he sounded apologetic rather than angry and defensive when we
rang off last night. but he's hard to understand sometimes...I need
to try harder.
SkyeDS: I thought you both done good last night
evile: *shrug* Better than usual but still not great.
SkyeDS: a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step
evile: yup
SkyeDS: when one is married to a Scorpio, one must be careful about
expressing upset
SkyeDS: because the Scorpio will kill the person, and you might not
want them dead
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: the way I intend to proceed is to stay away from the subject
altogether. He has enough stuff to divert him in terms of a phone
interview today and that we got nothing done on the trailer at all
this weekend. I think that will keep his plate full if the other
isn't brought back to his attention.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: not to mention Nana being in and out of hospital with TIAs
evile: yup.
SkyeDS: I can't remember if I've ever asked D my favorite ? about
childbirth. (ie the pain and everything related to it, the
epiziotomy, the epidural, etc)
evile: Im sure she would not consider it to be appropriate
conversation.
SkyeDS: good thing I've never asked her then
evile: *nod*
evile: She is not one of the mommies who thinks it's a good idea to
share intimate personal details about ones body with anyone who will
stand still long enough to listen. I was also really amused when she
said she didn't plan on being one of those "breastfeeding commandos"
SkyeDS: lot of hullabaloo about that lately, some woman got into it
with a restaurant owner (I think in Round Rock)
evile: *nod*
evile: If I ever see a woman being deliberately obnoxious about
when/where to breastfeed, I'm totally peeing on her shoes.
SkyeDS: I think the reason I'm curious about the pain is, I like to
know exactly what to expect before I experience something like that
evile: "What? It's offensive? WHY? it's a NATURAL body process!"
SkyeDS: now that I"ve been cut on there and didn't feel it, I'm not
as curious
evile: I don't think anyone who has experienced childbirth can
adequately describe it, the mind shuts itself down when exposed to
that much pain.
SkyeDS: I just get tired of hearing "but it's the greatest pain
you'll ever feel"
SkyeDS: I'm not interested in altruism. I want to know how much pain
and what am I going to do about it.
evile: No, you either get hospital drugs or endorphins plus your own
body's defenses to keep you from remembering the extent of the trauma.
SkyeDS: read somewhere that the purpose of the gspot is to assist in
providing relief during crowning.
evile: there's a nauseating thought.
evile: I prefer to pretend I don't exist below the neck, so I dont'
care what it's there for, I don't want to think about it.
evile: I know everything from amoebas to giraffes are designed by
evolution or whatever to be efficient at reproduction and filling
their ecological niche, but I prefer not to think about it as it
relates to myself. :P
SkyeDS: I have always had an irrational fear of childbirth.
evile: you probably died of it in a past life.
SkyeDS: which I attempt to deal with in a rational manner (that
doesn't work, entirely)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: if the powers that be gave me children in a past life, what
the hell were they thinking.
evile: Everything and everyone in your life is there for a
reason....so I'm assuiming Deity knows what it's doing.
SkyeDS: I must have been more mature in a past life to have been
entrusted with children.
evile: I'm glad I've made a permanent choice on that front.
SkyeDS: once in a b lue moon I get memories that I know are not now
memories
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and if I really were what I very vaguely remember having been
before, boy did I fuck up somewhere
SkyeDS: methinks Sineater is having problems with his icq.
evile: yeah, it isn't always very cooperative.
evile: foo. this month's Voyagers party is at the cool house
again...and I'm planning on being in San Antonio, instead.
SkyeDS: looks to me like all he can get functioning is AIM
evile: oh well.
evile: I think I'm getting better at this tact thing. :P
SkyeDS: :)
evile: Managed to refrain from beaitn up on Sineater and my friend thewordnerd
both :)
SkyeDS: what did thewordnerd do, lol
evile: He is a whiney kid.
evile: His parents are always transgressing his boundaries and he
won't do anything to stop them, but then keeps complaining about it.
SkyeDS: where have I heard that before (no, nevermind)
evile: He keeps throwing up obstacles in his own way to getting a
job and living independently.
evile: I managed to offer constructive advice, without telling him
what to do, or making him feel bad. Go me.
SkyeDS: what part of "get your own job, get your own roof, get your
own rules" don't some people get.
evile: I think his parents have been more than fair & accomodating ,
but I do agree that barging in on him without warning is unfair (even
though they're paying the bills)
SkyeDS: problem is, their roof, can't stop them, right or wrong
evile: well, but even when we lived at home, our parents respected
our rooms and our privacy, would not have gone through our drawers,
journals, etc, unless they suspected crime, which I think is healthy.
SkyeDS: I don't really know whether my mom ever did that or not. She
never found anything if she did.
evile: growing up it was, follow our rules and contribute to the
household via chores, etc, and if you give us reason to suspect
criminal activity under our roof, you will regret it.
evile: ....deviant saint just commented on my LJ. he's friended me,
but I have no clue who that is.
SkyeDS: have seen around, no clue either
evile: he doesn't creep me out or anything, but I am not friending
him.
evile: this whole experience of finding ways to say things that don't
shut the other person down is really good. I hope I can keep it up.
SkyeDS: :)
evile: well, time for me to get gone. *hugs* have a good evening
SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)