2903Today's ICQ w/a

[evile]

Feb. 4, 2005

 

 

evile: How are you? I'm at work today, oh joy!
SkyeDS: had a landmark dream last night, in a series of dreams
SkyeDS: writing it down now before I forget it
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: do you know what faeries and elves are purported to eat?
SkyeDS: any mythos will do
evile: milk, whiskey, honeyed cakes
SkyeDS: but not flesh (meat)
evile: nope
SkyeDS: ok, it's posted
SkyeDS: was so rich in detail and long, was easier to write it than
explain it over and over
SkyeDS: goddammit I forgot to lj cut it
evile: I do that sometimes, too. No big, just edit and throw in teh
cut
evile: So what are y'all up to for the weekend?
SkyeDS: much better
SkyeDS: more repairs.
evile: fun.
SkyeDS: whachu doin
evile: I dont' feel like doing anythng, but there's lots going on.
yoga class, brigid fest, rennies in SA, etc.
SkyeDS: well, you know my mantra, do what you want, when you want,
because you want to (unless it's something you HAVE to do)
evile: *nod*
evile: I think the trip to SA will depend on whether or not Sweetie wants
to go.
SkyeDS: nods, don't much like traveling distances alone
SkyeDS: lately I get so lonely coming home from work I end up on the
cell phone to sineater or sonar0m
evile: I don't mind most of the time, but I'm going to the same place
next weekend for Gothfest w/Rio, so I don't really want to make the
same drive 2 weekends in a row.
SkyeDS: I don't even want to think about the drive to Mississippi
evile: that's gonna be a long haul
SkyeDS: have already agreed to loan sineater or sonar0m to one of the
other vehicles, so that we all have two people per vehicle and no one
is driving by themselves
SkyeDS: sineater's stints will have to involve Arthur too, Arthur won't
have it otherwise.
evile: the good news is it's a lot of straight and flat, so it won't
be that hard to navigate.
SkyeDS: and I"m not going by myself
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: the gauntlets will be the atchafalaya and the mississippi
SkyeDS: as long as we aren't in rush hour stand still that's fine
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: but when you're pulling a horse trailer and you get stuck on
a big bridge in rush hour standstill
SkyeDS: you start to notice things like the entire bridge moving int
he wind
SkyeDS: and these big nuts and bolts that are lying on the side of
the road
SkyeDS: and you wonder, did those come out of the bridge? and, is
that not a bad thing?
evile: (I was thinking more of the strain on engine/trans. to be
stopped at an angle & then have to start going again, but OK)
SkyeDS: that too
SkyeDS: although the transmission just got a new torque converter so
better not nothing bad happen.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: my reading about my dream is very reaffirming. this is happy
making.
evile: good :)
SkyeDS: You are being asked to defend your actions or beliefs. Do not
fear the attack. Use the questions raised to clarify your
understanding. If your beliefs are sound, a closer examination of
them will hurt nothing and will add to your wisdom.
SkyeDS: sums it all up
evile: exactly
SkyeDS: other good things: the queen of wands, the lovers
SkyeDS: ace of wands and 7 of pentacles too
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: just interesting, that particular interpretation and position
of the 7 wands.
SkyeDS: because I have been wondering why on earth someone would say
things that were so obviously not true
SkyeDS: I mean, literally go down the list of everything he ever said
at length he enjoyed about our relationship, completely pervert it,
say I never had those qualities, etc.
evile: well, as you say, there's always 3 sides: your side, my side,
and the truth...people get very bizarre ideas about what happened in
any given situation.
SkyeDS: kind of like, Skye is tall, lithe, blonde and greeneyed.
SkyeDS: wha huh? since when?
SkyeDS: we're talking about things here that WERE his perceptions
SkyeDS: according to him
SkyeDS: everything he's saying now are exact opposites of opinions he
expressed when we were together
SkyeDS: nevermind Truth (I'm not going there)
evile: I guess it's a coping strategy...he can't believe that there
was anything worthwhile there, because that would mean he was 'wrong'
to 'leave' you
SkyeDS: rofl he didn't leave me, I left him
evile: well, wahtever, I'm trying to get inside someone elses head
here.
SkyeDS: although I wonder if it isn't meaningful that the faeries and
elves were constantly unhappy with the way I handled him
SkyeDS: they didn't want me to be compassionate and let him in, in
the first place
SkyeDS: and when I turned him out and said I wish you well and hope
you choose your path wisely, they were mad at me for even wishing him
well.
evile: maybe they represnet the more atavistic/bloodthirsty parts of
you?
SkyeDS: well, t he whole sense was, what do you think you're doing?
how fucking stupid are you not to see through this? and t hen, we
tried to tell you.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: bloodthirsty may also be right
SkyeDS: I don't see myself doing the damage that was done witha horse
whip, because it couldn't have been done that way
SkyeDS: and they were preparing to eat meat for the first time
evile: yup
SkyeDS: it isn't that faeries and elves haven't been inimical to
humankind in mythos
SkyeDS: but I don't remember a mythos in which they were bloodthirsty
or inflicted direct physical harm.
evile: *nod* That was one thing I really didn't like in Laurell K
Hamiltons "Merrie Gentry" books.
SkyeDS: I do know if you get caught by fae and you eat *their* food
you become one of them and can never return
SkyeDS: like Persephone's pomegranite seeds
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: do you like her Anita books?
evile: not really. the first 2 maybe, then it becomes ridiculous and
soap-opera ish
SkyeDS: I did see some complaints about her use of tarot in one of
her last books
SkyeDS: I feel that way about Anne Rice
evile: I guess I missed that.
SkyeDS: Interview was good
SkyeDS: Lestat was better
SkyeDS: Queen was ok until she decided she was tired of writing, or
whatever, and then the last part was just padding
SkyeDS: I'm like, when you're done writing, end the book.
SkyeDS: Body Thief was a complete waste of trees.
SkyeDS: Memnoch was good. I didn't want to read it, but it was good
when I did.
evile: I gave up after Body Thief.
SkyeDS: I didn't read Memnoch until I was persuaded by MANY other
people
SkyeDS: I did like the way she explained evolution as a tool of
creation.
evile: If I ever see it at the library, I might check it out. But
that' sa pretty big maybe.
SkyeDS: I did see it said that her last Anita book was almost all sex
and nothing else
SkyeDS: I don't see anything wrong with that personally
evile: *shrug* I like a plot.
SkyeDS: but I would if I were an afficionado and I wanted storyline
evile: I just got done with a book that read as nothing more or less
than a transcript of a role playing game.
evile: It was well done for role play, but it was not literature
SkyeDS: a lot of roleplayers consider themselves to be literary
geniuses
SkyeDS: they don't like it when you tell them that
SkyeDS: they don't like it when you tell them that in literature, at
the very basic level
SkyeDS: you don't have sentence fragments
SkyeDS: nouns and verbs agree in number
SkyeDS: for example
SkyeDS: then you get accused of superimposing your ego and trying to
destroy that writer's signature style
evile: Well, I am sure it was very entertaining for teh players to
see their characters in print, but there were too many in jokes, and
too many "OOC" moments for it to be believable as fiction.
evile: Decent dialogue, but too many characters, not enough
descriptions of them to allow you to keep them straight, and very
little place description, so that I had no idea if we were talking
different planes of reality, different countries, continents, states,
or what.
SkyeDS: wasn't a white wolf novelization was it?
evile: no, I know bette rthan to pick up a white wolf book and
expect decent fiction.
SkyeDS: hehe
SkyeDS: that's an interesting thought: fairies are known for
deceiving humankind, and they were irate and calling a human a
deceiver. hm. takes one to know one.
evile: *grinz*
SkyeDS: I have been doing a little lite research on fairies
SkyeDS: since they figured into my dream, must mean something
evile: http://www.hyperdictionary.com/dream
Seeing a treasure chest in your dream, represents your hidden
talents. It also represents a sense of security and belonging. You
are content with where you are in a situation or relationship.
Dreaming that you are looking though the treasure chest, suggests
that you are trying to recapture something valuable from your past.
SkyeDS: I still think the treasure represents my real treasure in life
evile: Seeing a fairy in your dream means joy and happiness in your
surroundings. It may also represent a feminine qualities and aspects
of yourself. Seeing a sad fairy in your dream, symbolizes loss of
love or money, or both.
SkyeDS: but my real treasures do make me content
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: and actually you could say that's exactly what he was after
and why I had to leave
SkyeDS: when he complains that he was a "secondary"
SkyeDS: we don't have secondaries in our Family
SkyeDS: sineater isn't secondary, sonar0m isn't either
SkyeDS: they're both primary
SkyeDS: for the longest time sineater WAS secondary to Kaleon
SkyeDS: and then when I said, ok, we're a family, EVERYBODY is primary
SkyeDS: he interpreted "you don't get to be primary before sineater or
sonar0m either one" as being relegated to "secondary"
SkyeDS: ergo, trying to take my treasures away from me
SkyeDS: (treasures = relationships)
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: he didn't like it one bit when sineater and I started healing
SkyeDS: matter of fact, the first time we started healing is what
brought on Sharon (so he says)
evile: everybody has to make their own choices in life...unfair of
him to blame you for his choice.
SkyeDS: he was never respectful of sineater
SkyeDS: granted, sineater at that time was not behaving in ways to earn
respect
SkyeDS: but sineater did and is still trying to be a better person
SkyeDS: and Kaleon views that as a personal threat
SkyeDS: as if my relationship with him is completely dependent on
sineater continuing to be bad
evile: that's too bad.
SkyeDS: he didn't want to be "a" primary, he wanted to be "the"
primary, because that is the way it once was
SkyeDS: and one of the reasons it ceased to be that way, is because
sineater and I were trying to repair ourselves and actually getting
somewhere, he felt threatened, and cheated (according to our agreed
upon definition, w hich as you know is different than most)
SkyeDS: when sineater earns respect, it should be given to him
evile: He has a lot of himself wrapped up in the 'white
knight/rescuer' fantasy, and once you didn't need that anymore, he
must have felt like you didn't need HIM anymore.
SkyeDS: and he is my husband regardless, that isn't going to change,
and he knew that
SkyeDS: Will wouldn't have happened if Kaleon hadn't pushed us both
into it.
SkyeDS: and sonar0m was simply the last straw.
evile: well, it's sad that he has to paint everything in such a
negative way. I mean, really, what does it say about you that you
were with this person who was absolutely horrible to you, and just
awful, and you stayed anyway, for 7 years?
SkyeDS: had it been all bad all the time the last four years I would
have left
evile: exactly
SkyeDS: what finally occasioned my leaving is when I finally put it
on the scales dispassionately
SkyeDS: and siad, ok, t he bad outweighs the good
SkyeDS: and truthfully has for a long time
SkyeDS: and by the tenets of my faith, I have to walk away from
what's bad
evile: It's just too bad that he can't look back, feel the
bittersweetness of it, and move on with regret and perhaps some self-
awarness so that the next woman will get a better person out of it.
SkyeDS: don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened (?)
SkyeDS: for the life of me I don't understand how we even got to this
point
evile: yeah.
SkyeDS: we didn't speak at all for a long time last year because he
got nasty every time we did
SkyeDS: then he seemed to be on an even keel, and I thought cool we
can be friendly now
SkyeDS: then he gets into a fight with I still don't know who
SkyeDS: nobody will fess up and it isn't important enough to
bloodhound it
SkyeDS: and then I'm a target and have remained so since
evile: I once went out on a date with a guy who spent the entire date
ragging on his ex, telling me terrible things about her, and then
saying over and over "but that's done now, I'm over her"....I did not
go out with him again, needless to say.
SkyeDS: amen
SkyeDS: because you're thinkin, I might someday be on the end of that
SkyeDS: no?
evile: Mostly thinking that he's NOT over her, and I don't want her
baggage in my life.
SkyeDS: been watching a bunch of things lately with different women
that I truly don't get.
SkyeDS: some of sineater's friends are passing this one guy around
SkyeDS: I'm like ok, that's like sharing a vibrator
SkyeDS: that may or may not have been sanitized in between
SkyeDS: what's with that
SkyeDS: and then bitching about your ex to your NR
SkyeDS: it's like women who take known abusers
SkyeDS: oh but I'm s pecial
SkyeDS: he did it to her but he won't to me
SkyeDS: honey, you ain't special.
SkyeDS: neither sonar0m or sineater have ever badmouthed an ex to me
SkyeDS: not even the ones that did nasty things to t hem
evile: I think the circles we move in are small enough that people
are going to end up dating one another's exes, and we might as well
be mature about it.
SkyeDS: whatever a man did to/now says about his ex he will do
to/eventually say about you.
evile: probably.
evile: I parted on pretty decent terms with most of the exes I can
think of right off the top of my head...
SkyeDS: I see that all around me, and want it very much for myself
SkyeDS: only on good terms with 3 out of like 30 exes
SkyeDS: (not counting extended one night stands)
SkyeDS: and I was stupid enough to really think that Kaleon and I
would be friends when it was over
evile: for some people, that all or nothing mentality just makes
things like that impossible.
SkyeDS: I still rake myself trying to figure out what i could have
seen from the get go that would have manifested this way
SkyeDS: most people can't keep up such a deep and complicated act for
that long
evile: it's always possible that he wasn't like that at first, but
changed over time, into someone that was no longer compatible with
you.
SkyeDS: I know I'm very mutable, maybe it was me
evile: or possibly both.
SkyeDS: if you insist on assigning fault or blame, I'm the one who
let him be primary and sineater secondary first and then changed
evile: you may have just grown apart
SkyeDS: regardless, at least I'm completely open and honest, I don't
try to hide change or deny it, and I don't blame drugs or
fears/insecurities/phobias or anything else for what I do
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: (and I"m s orry, but taking psychotropic drugs that were
prescribed to someone else without ever being seen by a doctor
yourself is just....well, it just is.)
SkyeDS: sineater thought my dream was a good thing because I finally took
control and put an end to the shit.
SkyeDS: I am still a little taken back by what was done, whether I
did it or caused it to be done.
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: a blood sucking spirit I haven't heard of before: Baobhan
Sith - (Highland. D. Mackenzie, Scottish Folk Lore and Folk Life.)
Malignant, blood-sucking spirits, who sometimes appeared as hoodie
crows or ravens, but generally as beautiful girls, with long.
trailing, green dresses hiding their deer's hooves.
evile: hm.
SkyeDS: had heard of Black Annis or Black Aine before, she eats
children
SkyeDS: and lambs
evile: cool!
SkyeDS: these are all Celtic fae
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I can't find much on the fatae (Italian fae) other than what
Raven wrote and I've already read
SkyeDS: at any rate, t hese fae obviously hadn't had meat before and
it was a special occasion, so it wasn't an everyday normal food source
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: Fairies don't like lies or deceptions by humans. Even evil
faeries do not lie, although they may seriously mislead or deceive.

evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: "I didn't break the truth, I just bent it...a little..."
SkyeDS: interesting post in polyfi2 on yahoo
SkyeDS: This is an interesting statement. Over the years, one of
the "truths" that
we've come to is that poly is no place for drama. Drama simply means
that
someone is either not communicating properly, or is not being honest
with
themselves about what they want, need, desire or somesuch. Usually
drama
is about fears, anger, jealousy, or envy... all things that can be
dissipated with communication and honesty to a point where they can
be
handled without drama. Drama makes people do silly/stupid things.

Our goal is a "zero drama" relationship. We want to be able to live
fully
and love fully without drama and crises.

evile: sounds good to me.
SkyeDS: got a dark moon coming up that will be just barely crossing
my menses
SkyeDS: I might be able to get in some banishing work if I do it on
Friday
evile: Mardi Gras!!! :P
SkyeDS: I thougth Mardi Gras was this weekend. I was thinking next
weekend.
evile: Mardi Gras is the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday.
SkyeDS: rofl, yes, but I don't keep up with when that is on the
calendar. I just know Austin seems to be celebrating it this weekend
SkyeDS: anyway, I would have to do it Friday the 11th
SkyeDS: only night wherein I will have blood while the moon is still
dark
evile: no, they're doing Carneval on the 5th. Not quite the same.
SkyeDS: I feel a little guilty. I don't keep the Ways unless I want
something I can't get any other way, it seems like sometimes
evile: the diff between Yule and Xmas, not really much more than
trappings and academia, but improtant to the various celebrants on
each side of the fence.
SkyeDS: let me amend that. In terms of religiously keeping up the
rituals.
SkyeDS: I live my tenets and covenants all the time as best I can
evile: *shrug* you know how I feel about ritual...if it doesn't do
anything for ya, chuck it. us Discordians can do that :)
SkyeDS: I have decided imina do what imina do, and if I get into
trouble later on, I will own my own shit and suffer whatever
consequences there be
evile: *nod*
evile: My last banishing didn't get rid of the person, but it
certainly removed my attachment to that person & their behavior.
SkyeDS: I'm not sure if my last banishing had anything to do with the
dire things that happened to teh person or not
SkyeDS: it might have, but I think it was their own karma
SkyeDS: I told him to leave me alone, and he didn't
SkyeDS: so I did a banishing and told him again, leave me alone
SkyeDS: 24 hours after telling him leave me alone, I don't remember
how long after the banishing
SkyeDS: he called me begging me to let up
SkyeDS: I"m like what.
SkyeDS: I haven't done anything, *yet*
SkyeDS: his fiancee found out about me and kicked him out of the house
SkyeDS: the security guard quit and he had to do her job, losing his
company paid vacation
SkyeDS: and he was questioned as a murder suspect.
evile: poor thing.
SkyeDS: he didn't get it completely and finally until sineater confronted
him
SkyeDS: I don't know nor do I care HOW banishing works, so long as it
does
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I'm going to take elements of three different Z Budapest
spells I've never used but am partial to, along with some other
things that appeal to me personally
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: I'm going to send Rabbit the Fear Caller out to reap the
rewards of calling one's fears, send all the negative energy back to
its source, and that, will be that.
evile: there ya go.
evile: sent off my registration for this year's big fun campout.
Hopefully I'll have fun this time.
SkyeDS: :)
evile: I didn't go last year because the previous/first time was just
so awful.

SkyeDS: hopefully the cabin thing will all work out
evile: I didn't even stay for the night when I went, so I just heard
about it after the fact.
evile: Chrisloy backed down pretty quick when people called her on
her shit over that. That was kind of funny to watch.
SkyeDS: I bet.
evile: I loved the "whoever's organizing the cabins must not have
kids" and then the very gentle "I have 2, actually" from Kulilinei :P
SkyeDS: I think if I hung with you and your friends I might enjoy
poly dinner more
evile: we are the kind of snarky bitches that threaten you at SCA and
HFS, so probably not.
evile: Not trying to shut you out, just recognizing that our behavior
would probably push your buttons and ignite your issues with women
like that.
SkyeDS: depends on whether it was aimeda t me or not
SkyeDS: although I have to say I was so turned off by what happened
last time I have no real desire to go back
evile: *shrug* You tend to assume it is, in a lot of situations where
others can't or dont' see it.
SkyeDS: if the snarkiness in HFS happened to my face I wouldn't have
problems
SkyeDS: it happens behind my back and then gets back to me
SkyeDS: and that yes bothers me
evile: but then Kili snarked to your face, and you had a problem with
that, too...
SkyeDS: that wasn't snarking that was open attack
evile: which wasn't immediately visible as such to anyone at the
table but you.
SkyeDS: sineater caught the tail end of it, so it was obvious to him, w
hen he came back
evile: So I'd really hate to introduce you around to the snarky bitch
contingent, and then hear from you afterwards that you had a terrible
time because they were attacking you the whole time.
SkyeDS: and, Kil's open attacks ARE obvious to EVERYONE around her,
according to what you've related in past.
evile: *nod* Yes, they are.
evile: But I missed whatever happened between her and rainking1,
too. They are like quickie sniper attacks, and then poof, gone.
SkyeDS: cowards are like that
SkyeDS: say what you will, people don't miss attacks with my
signature on them
evile: *nod*
SkyeDS: time for go home
evile: yup, I was just about to say that :)
SkyeDS: wind to your wings :)
evile: Have a good weekend.
SkyeDS: ty u2