1950Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 12, 2004

 

 

Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 10:31:34 -0800 (PST)
From: "evilE
Subject: Re: Thursday
To: "J-Law


argh. I'm sorry to go off track here, but X just
called me. My caller ID on the cell phone was blocked
or somethng, all it said was 'private number'. Since
e had just called me a few minutes before, I
thought she might be calling me again re: a play I
invited her to next week.

She asked if it was a good time to talk, and I said
no, I'm at work, I can't really say anything. She said
something about how she "could really use someone to
care about me right now" and did the artful
'voice-breaking trying not to cry' thing at the end.

"There's that word," I said, meaning 'use'

I said I am interested in the children but I am not
interested in her. She said she understood and then
right after that said that she still didn't understand
why I got so mad at her last April, just because she
asked me not to tell her husband that she wanted to take an
extra day on the Great Escape weekend. I said I was
sorry, but I just wasn't interested.

*sigh* my heart is just pounding right now. I am so
mad and freaked. What the fuck. There is _no_ way in
hell I could possibly articulate (and at WORK,
especially) how very very much I feel betrayed, used,
and manipulated by her. That the escape weekend thing
might have eventually been forgivable, IF she'd
understood WHY it pissed me off so much, and IF she'd
tried harder to be a real friend after that,and IF she
hadn't been busted for drugs immediately thereafter.
Not just drugs, but selling them and doing them in her
home in front of her babies.
-----------
It wasn't the great escape weekend,it was the cumulative effect of
all the lies & bullshit and manipulation and grabby gimme stuff. If
she wants to be blind to the fact that she'd been treatng me like
shit for years before I finally put my foot down, that is her
business. It took me a while to stop being blind to the years of
being used myownself.

Comments

1951Re: Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 12, 2004
Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 10:53:58 -0800 (PST)
From: "J-Law
Subject: Re: Thursday


*HUG*

No need to apologize, honey. If ever there was a track to go off on,
that was it. I am so sorry about this. I really wish she would just
leave you the hell alone. I will never understand why she thinks it
is ok to still make such inappropriate (both timing and content)
contact with you.

And, of course, the fact that she did/sold drugs in front of the kids
SHE ACCUSED YOU OF CORRUPTING is also unforgivable. She also
refused to understand where you were coming from on that one.

I know what you mean about the heart pounding. Whenever I had a
mixup with Jen E., I had that feeling. It is awful.

1952Re: Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 12, 2004
Me:
I'm giving Brother A & sineater a heads-up in case X is hard
up and looking for people to use. Not that either of
them has a pot to piss in, but she'd take it if she
could, anyway.

J-Law:
Good plan re: X. I really wish that girl could take a hint. A hint
is about the only thing she won't take from someone, apparently.

Me:
I know I need to just forget it, but I am so pissed at X and her
manipulative bullshit. Calling me at work on my cell phone, as if
either the time (middle of the work day) or the medium (crappy cell
phone) would be conducive to having a real discussion. Once again,
she set it up so that she appears to be making a conciliatory gesture
and I appear to be rejecting her coldly. Fuck that. I *am* rejecting
her, and she doesn't need to manipulate the situation such that it's
the only possible response I can give, that is my response, PERIOD.
Of course if she called me at home where I could give vent to all
those fancy Anglo Saxon Fricatives, she might have more of a clue as
to WHY I am rejecting her. But she doesn't want that. She wants to be
the sad little orphan victim, oh pitiful me! wah! What the fuck ever.

1955Re: Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 12, 2004


evilE> wrote:
Any & all good friends are blessings, honey. I always
wish there could be more, but am damned grateful for
as many as I have :)

Oh, you can be sure that X would have worked up to
the 'J's birthday' gimme-gimme spiel if I had
given her the chance. Yes, it is all about her, but it
would have been "long sad traumatic story about how
poor and miserable I am, and none of it's my fault,
bla bla, and OH! I can't give J the 14th
birthday she deserves"

She is either losing her edge or else I've just wised
up considerably. A better and more effective way to
manipulate me would have been to start in playing the
J's Bday card, "oh, and by the way, we also need
this this and this, if you can see your way to opening
a vein for us, that'd be swell"

I imagine I'll probably get at least one more call
before the day and one on the actual day itself.


Date: Thu, 12 Feb 2004 14:01:50 -0800 (PST)
From: "J-Law
Subject: Re: Thursday


In a weird way, it is a comfort to know that X may be very good at
insinuating/manipulating, but that she has yet to perfect her
technique. You're right, if she ever had an edge, she has lost it.
And you probably have wised up - she didn't need an edge as long as
you trusted her. When you had reasons to stop trusting her, she
ceased to be able to manipulate you.

She'll never have that edge with you. She will have to move on to
someone else.

Maybe Goldrie. That would be good

1956Re: Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 12, 2004

me to J-Law:

*lol* That would be hilarious! Of course, Goldrie is probably better
at all those headgames than X could ever hope to be, but it would
be funny to watch her try, anyway.

I think what would keep Goldrie less vulnerable is that her first
responsiblity & concern is for her own kids; she would not do or give
anything that would take something away from them.

Whereas with me, X's kids WERE my kids, and they were my #1
concern & priority. But since X apparently doesn't feel about them
that way, she can't understand or manipulate those feelings
effectively. It's all about her and if I continue to not give a rats
heinie about her, she won't have anything to use against me.

That phone call had ruined my day & put me in a shitty mood. Fut now
that I've got her motivations figured out, I am almost happy about
the whole thing. Would have been better not to hear from her at all,
but now that I know what she was up to, I feel fine.

1969Re: Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 20, 2004


me to J-Law:


It all sounds very yummy!!! I love a good
artichoke--that's a meal right there :) I should go
check out the next farmers' market here--usually it's
just on the weekends in a couple places around town,
not all week. :( But definitely worth checking out!

I think maybe what eharmony has that 'regular dating'
doesn't, is rules. Were I single now, I would not know
what the hell to do with myself, so a service saying
"Okay, now you do ____" is probably a big help with
the really amorphous state of male-female relations
just now.

I think I am REALLY done now, but I guess it'll have
to wait until the next X call/message/whatever to
be sure. Every time I go on with my life & haven't
thought about her in ages, she pops up and sends me
into a tailspin, second-guessing myself, looking at
old stuff, worrying & upset. So...I really do think
I'm DONE this time. I hope.


Date: Tue, 17 Feb 2004 14:48:46 -0800 (PST)
From: J-Law
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Saturday
To: mE

Yeah - your review of all the old crap sounds like a very "final"
thing to do. Even though she sent you into this tailspin, at this
point, it sounds to me that you have some clarity on the whole thing,
and that can only come from standing at a judicious, objective
distance. That is huge.

There are farmers' markets all over the city on different days - if
you added them all up, you probably would have more than one on each
day of the week. The one at the Ferry Building happens three or four
times a week - and that's in addition to the shops inside. It's
great - especially since the two organic produce shops inside are too
expensive, so all you have to do is wait for a Farmer's Market day
out front, and you can get your scallions for less! I bought
scallions last week - admittedly gorgeous ones - but they were two
bucks for one bunch!

I might make my own mayo to go with my artichoke. Store bought mayo
is vile. But homemade is divine.

I like the rules/structure of eharmony, too. I hadn't really thought
of it in quite that way, but you're right - it's definitely a
refreshing change from dating-as-usual.

1954Re: Phone Call from X, 12:20 PM 2/11/04

[evile]

Feb. 12, 2004


I just had a lightbulb fucking EXPLODE over my head.

Guess what is 3 weeks from today, exactly?

My (EX)goddaughters birthday.

Fucking DUH.