EJ - entries for Mar. 31, 2003

[evile]

 

1320 awful drama

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

Me to X, this a.m.

Are you going to come to Central Market this Wednesday?
===============

X to me:



No I can't go this Wednesday. M is out of town
and comes home wednesday evening, so i have to be
home to see him. Sorry.

========
Me to X:

No problem. See ya Friday, then.

I am sorry not to have a plan in mind for Friday
yet--I still haven't gotten any info from the Escape
Weekend people...

I will get in touch with you as soon as I know
something from them as far as check-in times, etc.

XO!

=E
==============
X replied:

Ok then, when you know something just let me know. I
have a really big favor to ask of you and it
involves keeping a secret from my husband. If you
are opposed to that let me know, if not I will ask
the favor.
=======================

...I paused. Then sent the whole exchange & a draft of my response to
J-Law for her opinion. Here is what she said:

That's good. It really is an imposition on the friendships involved
here for her to say that she has a secret she wants kept from M,
even without revealing the substance of the secret.

Now, you know that there is something going on that, arguably, M 
should know. That, in at of itself, is a risky thing, I think.

You might toss something in there about that. The thing is, if she
really wants something kept secret, she needs to keep it to herself.
Once she tells anyone else, whether it is a gossipy flake, or someone
trustworthy like you, it is no longer a secret.

Things are nuts here.

I am about to have an aneurysm. Marie says my eyes are bugging outta
my head like a cartoon character.

==========================
So here's what I ended up sending to X:

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 10:31:42 -0800 (PST)


I love you and I'm your friend. Whether or not I
approve of all of your decisions/actions in life, I
will always love you and care about you.

But...I'm also M's friend & I also love him & care
about him.

And I get the impression that this is not a nice
"let's surprise M with something good" sort of
secret, but a bad secret that would hurt his feelings
if he knew, and might make him mad at me if he ever
found out I knew. Not a good secret for me to know, no
matter how nosey curious I may be.

I'm sorry, but I can't help you if it's a 'bad secret'
that will be hurtful to M if he finds it out. I'm
not even really comfortable knowing that you have a
secret from M, even though I don't even know what
the secret is.

Love ya (really do!)

=E

 

•  

 

1321 Re: awful drama

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

X wrote:

It is not that serious of a secret, I just want a day alone and I
was thinking of staying at my friend's house for a night. ( she is
out of town). M has become very possessive of my time. And he is
almost never gone. I am never, ever by myself. If I asked him for a
night alone it would hurt his feelings, and he would feel that since
I am already going away with you that should be my time. But it
won't be. It will be my time with you. So I wanted to tell M that
i was getting back on Monday instead of Sunday. Go to my friend's
house and just be in solitude. Are you uncomfortable with that kind
of secret? It is really no big deal, I have no big dark secrets from
my husband. I'm just looking for a lil me time.
---------------------------

My reply to X:

Maybe we should caravan down there so you can leave whenever you want
and go do whatever you want and I can just honestly say I don't know
nothin' bout nothin' if anybody asks.
=-=========-=-=-

Me to J-Law:

This is such a LIE. You don't know somebody your
entire life without being able to read 'em like a
book. She wants to spend the day fucking someone,
probably the musician guy she promised M she'd
never see again after he caught her fooling around.

And it's not like they don't have a flyer for RRR
great escape weekend that has the weekend spelled out:
check in Friday afternoon,dinner friday nite, Saturday
3 meals are served, there is a trail ride, there are
massages, facials, manicures avail. all day at the big
house, the van runs in to town for shopping all day,
Sunday is breakfast/brunch and leave whenever you feel
like. Nothing about Monday in the flyer, so very very
easy to get caught LYING!

1322 Re: awful drama

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

I replied again with this: (probably should have skipped my first
reply about caravaning, etc.--fingers crossed that she'll go ahead
and flake so I can find a replacement!!!)
==============================

I think on the orange flyer for RRR weekends that I
gave you, it gives the itenerary as Friday-Sunday
only. So, if Mike was looking at a flyer, it would be
pretty obvious that you were lying to him.

If you'd rather spend the weekend at your friend's
house, I can probably still find someone else to take
your spot at RRR.

I can certainly understand being stressed and wanting
to be away from everyone for a while.

Let me know if that's a better option for you.

=E

1323 Re: awful drama

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

J-Law's reply:

AND - very easy to assume/guess/surmise whatever that you were in
collusion with her on the lying, whether you are silent, or, worse,
she sucks you into the position of backing her up after the fact.

In fact, I would watch out for something like that - she takes
her "day off from M," tells him it was for your girly weekend, he
knows that's crap, and assumes you were in on it and/or X asks you
to back her up, either privately, or in front of M.

The suck thing now is, you didn't want to know the secret anyway.
Now that she has told you this story, which may or may not be the
real secret, she has stuck you in a really crappy position.

1324 Re: awful drama

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

--- In evilEJournal@yahoogroups.com.au, "evilE <evile@f...>"
<evile@f...> wrote:

J-Law's reply:
>
> AND - very easy to assume/guess/surmise whatever that you were in
> collusion with her on the lying, whether you are silent, or, worse,
> she sucks you into the position of backing her up after the fact.
>
> In fact, I would watch out for something like that - she takes
> her "day off from Mike," tells him it was for your girly weekend,

he> knows that's crap, and assumes you were in on it and/or X asks

you> to back her up, either privately, or in front of Mike. 

>
> The suck thing now is, you didn't want to know the secret anyway.
> Now that she has told you this story, which may or may not be the
> real secret, she has stuck you in a really crappy position.

My reply to J-Law:

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 12:28:42 -0800 (PST)

Exactly. I suggested to her that she just go do
whatever this weekend, and I'd find somebody else to
go with me to RRR.

I told her I didn't want to know the secret, she
violated my clearly-stated boundary and told me
anyway,and now I'm in a total no-win situation,
because I know *somthing* M doesn't, even if it's
not the truth. And, yes, no matter how honest I am, I
look like a liar, no matter what happens at this
point.

I am not going to go tattling to M, I'm not going
to say anything to anybody, but I still feel like
shit.

:(

And to top it all off, I have to find someone else to
go to RRR with me this weekend!
----------

My next email to X:

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 12:35:52 -0800 (PST)
Subject: *sigh*

I asked you NOT to tell me your secret, you told me
anyway, and now I'm in a 'damned if you do, damned if
you don't' position.

I am a grownup, I'm not going to go 'tattling' on you
to M. But what am I supposed to say now if he asks
me about our weekend?

You have put me in a very bad, uncomfortable position,
and I do NOT appreciate it.

At this point, I think I would prefer it if you'd make
other plans for your weekend and let me find someone
else to go to RRR with me.
================



I sent this to J-Law at some point, too:

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 12:18:17 -0800 (PST)
Subject: I'm sorry

I know you're having a crap day at work, so I am
trying not to pester.

I think I'll go ahead and start trying to find another
person to fill in for X at the Great Escape
Weekend--I can't get a refund, but I can substitute
someone else in her place.

I can't think of any girlfriends I want to spend the
weekend with, except Pace & Stephanie, who are both
transgendered. Due to the shower situation in these
cabins, I don't know how cool that'd be. Plus they're
lesbians. So...maybe not :)

Someday this will be so funny! It's all material.

1325 Re: awful drama

 

 

 

 

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 12:59:38 -0800 (PST)
From: me
Subject: feh
To: J-Law

She called my cell phone and says she's going to tell
M 'everything' and I will not be in a position to
have to lie or keep silent or anything. She will 'ask
him' about Monday and he will know what she's doing.

Which...is a lie. She told me that because she hedged
her bet wrong and NO, my curiousity will not override
my basic hatred of lying and deceiving. But now that
she's lied to me again about telling M the truth,
her bases are covered and when/if she gets caught, she
will take all the blame on herself and be able to tell
anyone that I didn't know what she was up to, and if I
want to get off the hook, I can say that X lied to
me, too.

She is complainign because M won't leave the house,
won't let her leave teh house, and I'm sitting here
thinking..."you knew he was jealous, you knew he'd be
completely unglued if you fucked around on him, and
you did it anyway...bed. made. lay down!"

She hedged another bet by telling me that M's
coming home from Dallas (job interview? something?)
early this evening and he might not let her go at all
this weekend.

I asked her to please let me know as soon as possible
so I can find a replacement if that happens.

Feh. This Sucks. I am NEVER speaking to her again
after this. I am serious.
--------------

I have no more coherent thoughts on this. She only wants to go to RRR
because it's her 'birthday present'. not because I'm gonna be there. :
( I give up.

1326Re: awful drama

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

From:J-Law
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 13:16:33 -0800 (PST)
Subject: Re: f
To: me

Jesus.

Well - she fucked around on him. Does she actually expect him to not
question where she goes, what she does, with whom? I can see how that
might get to be overbearing and unreasonable.... but the mere fact
that he is concerned is not at all surprising or wrong. And, if he is
getting over the top/scary about it, then she needs to talk it out
with him.

They seriously need counseling.

And, all of her lying and maneuvering about this weekend is just her
avoiding the real problem - all the effort she is putting in to
getting what she wants dishonestly could be put into being
straightforward and convincing and/or heal her marriage.

I think there is a conventional wisdom that says married people are
more adult than single people of the same age. But most married
couples around my age strike me as being extremely infantile in terms
of not airing their feelings, working on problems, bla bla bla. They
walk down the aisle and expect to live happily ever after without
actually putting in the time and effort.

Anyway. As for her bet-hedging.... apart from its general suckiness,
still sucks for you because you know something's going on... it's
true, at least you can say, hey, she lied to me too (for which she
will never forgive you, if it comes to your having to defend
yourself).... but you are also stuck with this incomplete knowledge,
suspicions, whatever, as well as the fact that she seriously imposed
on you and your friendship.

I had an dream last night in which we took a trip to France. After
Sweetie gets full-time permanent again, let's go.

XOXOXO!!!!!! Love ya!

============================
From:J-Law
Subject: Re: I'm sorry
To: Me

If I wasn't paying rent out of this paycheck, I would totally fly out
there.

Today sucks. There aren't words.

Wait. Yes there are. Single Malt Scotch. A tiny dash of Fiji water, a
coupla small ice cubes. I bought the Scotch on my lunch break -
amazing I got a break - and will make the above described drink the
second I walk in the door.

Anyway - John Walker (wine shop) is having a scotch event, and when I
walked by, I remembered bequeathing my Laphroaig to Rick... and
hence, lacked Scotch.... so I bought some (Dalwhinnie, this time).
AND, chatted up Daniel, the very cute and very nice manager (who
produces his own Zinfandel!).

Oh - we started chatting because he was talking to another customer
about Syrah, and he showed her one that I bought there a couple of
weeks ago, so I told her how much I loved it, so she bought it. After
she left, Daniel said, I should hire you on the spot. And I said,
really? Because I am thinking that I might like to get into the wine
biz... because the lagl biz is killing me. So, he asked for my card
and is going to call me when they have openings.

I figure I could do it part time to see if I really like it, get a
feel for the biz, learn more about wine...

Plus - I told him who are wine guru was (Anthony Vecino) so he could
call him and sell him some wine. We have an account there, but, for
some reason, haven't bought much recently. So, it would be totally
normal for Daniel to call in a customer servicy kind of way.
====================
My reply:

I am totally down with the France trip. Let's go!

I am also with ya on the scotch. My father brought me some nice 16 yo
Bushmill's. Once I get my credit card info updated for my auto-pay of
long distance & gym, I'm getting drunk as a Lord.

I am so dreading this weekend, however it turns out:

endure 2.5 days of chatting about the weather with X, because
there won't be anything else I can talk about

endure 2.5 days of hanging out by myself because X flakes at the
last minute

or...maybe she'll flake earlier and I can scramble around begging
people to go with me & feeling pathetic and friendless, NOT because I
have no friends but because they have lives and can't make last
minute plans like that.

*sigh*

*hugs* thank you so much for being there for me. I love you more than
I can ever express.

=E
===============

•  

 

1327scopes

 

 

Mar. 31, 2003

 

 

I have the most godawful headache imaginable.

-----
Taurus
Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
This is a great day to deal with legal matters of any kind, dear
Taurus, including plans for a wedding if one is in the offing! Your
financial situation should be thriving and stable, and long-term
educational goals may come to the forefront. At this time you should
be strongly focused on matters of any kind that are particularly
important to you now, and work performed today towards that end
should be accomplished quickly and efficiently. Go to it!

Gemini
Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
A keen ability on your part to blend the worlds of intellect and
intuition could well surface today, dear Gemini. The ability to focus
both these methods of perception into material reality is apt to give
a boost to your career and educational efforts, and also could
enhance your romantic life. Anything begun or completed today has an
advantage. Try to look closely at this new tendency and make it last.
It's definitely a plus!

Personalized:

evilE
Sun Sign: Taurus
Rising Sign: Sagittarius

You awake this morning feeling happy and enthusiastic, evilE. Your
intuition is telling you that you will achieve whatever you set your
mind to. Whatever your goals are, whether they are success with your
career, in your studies or in your personal life, you are bound to
succeed. If you don't have a significant someone by your side to
support your steady progress, all signs indicate that you will meet
someone soon. If you already have a mate, lucky you!

Your Rising Sign
Self-expression is important to you, and you aren't afraid to show
the world who you really are. At the same time, you are anxious to
impress those around you, and as a result you may not project an
accurate picture of your true self. If you are going to flaunt your
creativity and how you think about yourself and the world, make sure
you do so in an honest manner. Today's sextile between Neptune and
the Sun is likely to put a veil of haze over the truth of the
situation.

Daily Numeroscope - March 31, 2003

Life Path Number: 6 [ Edit Your Numerological Information ]
Heavy thoughts may be present for you on this 4-Day, evilE. Perhaps
this will come about as a result of a problem you are facing and need
to think about. If this is the case, this vibration's energy will
lend a great deal of support to helping you identify the choices you
have. Don't hesitate to write your thoughts and ideas down. This can
help form a course of action. Don't fight it - use it to your
advantage. See what you can work out, Six.

Comments

[evile]

329 Re: awful drama


Apr. 1, 2003

Date: Mon, 31 Mar 2003 21:55:39 GMT
To: me
Subject: Re:*sigh*
From: X

Fine, take someone else. It wasn't that big a deal. You have nothing
to worry about. i was being impulsive when I thought it up. Have fun
on your retreat. I had no $ anyway.

-X
---------- evilE> writes:

I asked you NOT to tell me your secret, you told me
anyway, and now I'm in a 'damned if you do, damned if
you don't' position.

I am a grownup, I'm not going to go 'tattling' on you
to Mike. But what am I supposed to say now if he asks
me about our weekend?

You have put me in a very bad, uncomfortable position,
and I do NOT appreciate it.

At this point, I think I would prefer it if you'd make
other plans for your weekend and let me find someone
else to go to RRR with me.