1101 BP stuff.

[evile]

 

Jan. 3, 2003

 

 

I see elements of A. in witch and queen. and maybe even waif. No
hermit info?

I got a request to reprint this information from the Stop Walking oin
Eggshells workbook. It is a summary of the research done by Christina
Lawson and published in her book The Borderline Mother.

Randi Kreger RandiBPD@a...

The Lawson Method of Describing BPD Behavior Clinician Christine Ann
Lawson, Ph.D., recently developed four distinct types of BPs
in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children
Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship
(2000). Lawson's book categorizes mothers into four groups: Witches,
Queens, Hermits, and Waifs. "Queens" and "Witches" are higher-
functioning, acting-out BPs, while "Hermits" and "Waifs" are lower-
functioning, acting-in types. Most BPs display elements of all four
categories.

Although her book is about mothers, in a telephone conversation with
me Lawson said her descriptions are applicable to both genders and
all relationships, not just the parent-child relationship. Behavior
toward children, of course, is more serious because children are
unable to protect themselves and don't have an adult point of
reference. Lawson types individuals based on their typical thoughts,
emotions, and actions. In the following Action Step, I have taken
this model and applied it to BPs in general.

Queen, Witch, Waif, or Hermit?

As you read the following descriptions, circle the traits, thoughts,
emotions, and actions that seem to apply to the BP in your life. Use
your notebook to write down your observations about the BP. You can
also make notes at the end of the section to remind yourself why you
circled that trait. Finally, count the circled items, reread the
traits, and decide if any one of these descriptions apply to your
loved one more than the others.
 

The Witch
Typical Thoughts
Unconsciously, Witches hate themselves because they grew up in an
environment that "required complete submission to a hostile or
sadistic caregiver" (Lawson 2000, 131). They continue the cycle by
acting cruelly to others, especially those who are too weak, young,
or powerless to help themselves.

Typical Emotions
They feel no remorse for nightmarish acts, showing more interest in
their own well--being than concern over the way they've hurt others.
The Witch's triggers include jealousy, criticism, betrayal,
abandonment, feeling left out, and being ignored.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma
Most BP parents do not physically abuse their children. Those who do
probably fall into this category. However, the abuse usually occurs
when other, competent adults are not present. Thus, family members
can live in fear while all seems well to the outside world. Witches
want power and control over others so that others do not abandon
them. When someone or something triggers the Witch's abandonment
fear, this BP can become brutal and full of rage, even punishing or
hurting family members who stand in her way. These types of
BPs are most resistant to treatment: they will not allow others to
help and the source of self-loathing runs very deep.
 

The Queen
Typical Thoughts
"I want more attention. I deserve more attention. And, by the way,
what have you done for me lately?" Also, "My children should fulfill
my needs, not the other way around. They don't love or respect me if
they disagree with me, go against my wishes, or have needs of their
own."

Typical Feelings
These include entitlement, deprivation, emptiness, anger,
frustration, or loneliness from the deprivation they felt as
children. Queens are impatient and have a low tolerance for
frustration. They also push others' boundaries without recognition or
regret.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma
Driven by feelings of emptiness and unable to soothe themselves,
Queens do what it takes to get what they feel they so richly deserve.
This includes vindictive acts like blackmail. Initially they may
impress others with their social graces. But when "friends" can no
longer deliver, the Queen cuts them off without a thought. Queens are
capable of real manipulation (vs. more primitive BP defenses) to get
what they desire.

The Waif
Typical Thoughts
"I am a worthless victim. I do so want to be loved and protected, but
I am not worthy of it." Philosophy: The glass is not only half empty,
but is about to spill all over the floor I just washed.

Typical Feelings
Helplessness, hopelessness, and despair. Rage can be masked by
sadness and depression, but released by rejection or abandonment.
Waifs distort their own errors or disappointments, leading to more
shame. They feel vulnerable, defective, anxious, moody, and
irrationally fearful.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma
They look to others to "save them," but ultimately refuse assistance
because helplessness makes them feel safe. Ironically, if they
mistrust everyone and let no one get close, they stay in control and
no one can abandon or disappoint them. Waifs may hurt themselves to
express shame, but they are capable of raging if they feel rejected
or abandoned. They don't ask for what they need, then appear -martyr--
like because others can't read their minds and give it to them. Waifs
may have crying spells and be unable to nurture others.

The Hermit
Typical Thoughts
"It's a dog eat dog world out there and I'm a cat. Everyone out there
is for themselves and no place is safe. Since people will always end
up betraying me, I must be alert for hints or hidden meanings in
things others would consider innocuous."

Typical Feelings
Terrified of not having control, fear of engulfment keeps them from
obtaining comfort. No wonder they see potential disaster everywhere.
Hermits take criticism as a global condemnation of themselves and
depend upon work and hobbies for self-esteem. Their inner shame is
expressed through their continual criticism of others.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma
The hard shell makes these BPs appear confident, determined,
independent, and even socially graceful. But it's a veneer. Like many
BPs, hermits show one face to the world and another to everyone else.
Close family members experience "distrust, perfectionism, insecurity,
anxiety, rage and paranoia" (Lawson 2000, 80). They hold everyone to
the same ideal of perfection, punishing others by raging or shutting
them out. Hermits fear losing themselves, which translates into
possessiveness about their belongings.

Final number of circled items
 

Which of these types, if any, reminds you most of the BP in your
life?

Which is the secondary type?