Aim For The Moon: You Can Have It All!
Special for eDiets
by Hara Estroff Marano
The subject is lasting change, how to get beyond resolutions that
repeatedly meet failure and into the promised land of sustained
change.
The secret is, you can achieve what you want only if you have a clear
vision of where you are headed. "The reason most people aren't moving
forward," says Ti Caine, a hypnotherapist and life coach based in
Sherman Oaks, California, "is that they don't even know where they
are going." If they are going anywhere, it's towards whatever they
got programmed for, which is essentially whatever their parents
envisioned for them. They are not even living their own life.
Successful people, on the other hand, dare to aim for the moon. They
believe that everything is possible -- while most people are taught
to settle. But that is the antithesis of the human spirit.
Nevertheless, Caine points out, whole schools of thought are
dedicated to the idea that the way to achieve happiness is to lower
your expectations and settle for what is at hand. That, Caine argues,
is more accurately the passport to depression.
The only failure in life is not to try. You can live your life and
learn to manage the mistakes. But if you never try, you atrophy as a
human being. Caine recalls the most meaningful summation he ever
heard of this core truth. He was addressing a group of drug addicts
in a rehabilitation center, winding up an impassioned 45-minute talk,
when a cowboy in the corner stood up and roped in the bull: "I think
I understand what you are getting at. What we say in Montana, where I
come from is, `better to aim for the moon and miss than aim for a
pile of sh*t and hit.'"
Caine believes that the biggest lie people try to tell themselves is
that they should be satisfied with what they have. He is particularly
concerned about the many people in unsatisfying and even destructive
relationships who are trying to convince themselves -- or their
partners are trying to convince them -- that what they have is good
enough.
In order to transform your present into the future you want, it is
necessary to envision the whole future -- FutureVisioning, he calls
it -- not just in the single facet you want to change but your whole
future in its entirety. That's because everything works together, and
each facet of your life influences all the others. Further, looking
at your whole life deters the seesaw effect that mars so many
efforts, whereby you successfully change one element of your life,
such as achieving weight loss, only to find yourself eating more than
ever.
Caine insists that it is necessary to clarify and write down your
goals. In one notable study of Yale graduates, 3 percent of seniors
reported having specific written financial goals. About 10 percent
had general goals that were not committed to paper. The rest had no
specific goals. Twenty years later, the 3 percent who write down
their goals outperformed all the others combined. Writing down your
goals gives you power and infuses you with commitment.
Having a complete vision of the future gives you a constant source of
hope and motivation. Of course, the command to envision your future
is far too global to help out most people. It's most likely to induce
a brain freeze, although when breaking the future into its various
domains, people really do know what they want.
So join the winners and take the first step to getting what you want.
Think about the future as it pertains to the very specific domains of
experience that, when totaled together, add up to your life.
How will you feel emotionally living your ideal future? Describe how
you will enjoy and express your full range of emotions while living a
wonderful life.
Describe your ideal loving relationship and/or family. Include
specific qualities for you and your mate. Describe the size of your
family, the relationships between members and a list of aspirations,
including things you would like to do together.
Visualize a totally fulfilling social life. Describe the friends,
business associates and community acquaintances you would enjoy,
including the social events and the position or image you would like
to attain. Whatever you can imagine, list it.
Describe your dream physical and health state, weight, nutrition,
exercise patterns and activities you would like to be involved in as
part of an energetic and joyful life.
Describe the mental state you would like to attain, including all of
the things you'd like to learn and know, the creativity you would
like to develop, the education you would like to attain, formally or
informally, and the things that turn you on intellectually.
What do you want in your life career-wise and financially in the next
three to five years? How will you feel in your career? Imagine your
financial dreams coming true. Be specific and list anything of value
that would be symbolic of financial success.
What do you really want in your life spiritually in the next three to
five years? Describe the spiritual, moral and ethical state to which
you aspire. What would it be like to have a magnificent and inspiring
relationship with your inner guides, your high self and the Source as
you imagine it?
You can go to www.ticaine.com to get free worksheets and ideas to
enrich the process. The next Psyched for Success will show you how to
use the power of visualization to help you create a wonderful life.
============================================================
Hara Estroff Marano is Editor-At-Large of Psychology Today magazine
and Editor-In-Chief of Psychology Today's Blues Buster, a newsletter
about depression. An award-winning writer on human behavior, Hara's
articles have appeared in publications including the New York Times,
Smithsonian, Family Circle and The Ladies Home Journal. She lives in
New York City.
I was in a bar in the Winchester House with Jen & Kerry. We were
drinking beer and there were all these military guys standing by the
door. Apparently, we were in some sort of facist 'dark future' where
military guys hang out everywhere and watch the citizens to make sure
they behave. We were talking smack about them because it was
Halloween and they were just wearing their same ol' fatigues.
Then Kerry gave me this lecture about how it's best that LM is now
married and out of my life and how gauche and obvious I was about
being in love with him, so of course he treated me like crap, since
he knew he could get away with it. ("You're so much better off
without LM in your life, E" *sigh* --that's a message straight from
my subconscious mind, ain't it?)
Then Kerry and Jen went off to dance or something, and left me with
this Japanese guy who didn't speak any English. I think he was
Kerry's latest boyfriend. He was very nice, just kind of nodded and
smiled when I pantomimed whatever I was trying to say to him. We
actually got along pretty well, for not speaking the same language &
all.
This Winchester House bar served seasoned soy nuts, which they
roasted in the big fruit-drying thing that I vaguely remember from
our 'behind the scenes' tour. I can't eat soy stuff because soy
messes with my Depo Provera-enhanced hormonal balance in a gross way.
But, of course, I couldn't pantomime THAT to the Japanese guy. So I
pantomimed that I was on a diet. While slurping up a pint of
Newcastle. Heh. But he smiled and nodded and seemed to be fine with
me not eating soy nuts.
Then we were joined by another person, who I don't know in RL, but in
my dream I knew him, and he spoke Japanese. So I introduced the two
of them and went off to find Jen & Kerry.
There was something later about the soy becoming peanut butter and I
was eating that. But I don't remember when/where this occurred in the
dream.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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