I am thinking of sending this to X:
Do you want me to not-invite Tom to 6 Flags next month?
I'm really not sure where your comment on Saturday came from, about
Tom not being suitable for me or whatever. Were you joking?
If you were serious, I don't think it was necessarily something to
bring up when and where you did, in front of the girls and
everything.
I am willing to listen/read whatever your opinions are once, and that
is all. This is not a topic we will be discussing. Tom has been my
sweetie for over 6 years now, we share a mortgage, and have a pretty
decent relationship in which we are both adults.
So if you have any concerns re: my health or well being in this
relationship, I appreciate your concern and your friendship, I want
to know what your concerns are, and I will listen to them, but this
is not a topic that I expect to ever come up again. I will not put up
with constant harping on my romantic choice. You will say what you
think you need to say, and that will be the end.
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evile
no subject
Date: 2019-11-09 03:17 pm (UTC)Jun. 25, 2002
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 2002 17:45:54 -0500 (CDT)
From: E
To: x
Subject: Just curious
Do you want me to not-invite Tom to 6 Flags next month?
I'm sorry if this looks like I'm pulling a Cora, but I need to ask you
this. I'm really not sure where your comment on Saturday came from,
about Tom not being suitable for me or whatever. Were you joking?
If you were serious, I don't think it was necessarily something to
bring up when and where you did, in front of the girls and before a
supposedly-happy type celebration ritual.
But if you really think I should not be with Tom, I am willing to
listen/read whatever your opinions are once, and that is all. This is
not a topic we will be discussing. Tom has been my sweetie for over 6
years now, we share a mortgage, and have a pretty decent relationship
in my opinion. It's not perfect, but nobody is. That is why we are
human.
So if you have any concerns re: my health or well being in this
relationship, I appreciate your concern and your friendship, I want to
know what your concerns are, and I will listen to them, but this is
not a topic that I expect to ever come up again. And certainly not in
front of my goddessdaughter or in public.
I love you and I care about you. I know you love me and care about me,
too, which is why I am taking what you said so much to heart and why
it hurt my feelings. It just seemed to come from so 'out of the
blue'...but for you, it was maybe the last straw and you felt like you
had to say something right then?
If I somehow caused this by bitching about Tom too much, I'm sorry,
and I'll stop. I was/am just blowing off steam when I complain about
Tom, I am not saying I hate him or I hate my life with him or anything
like that. Just venting. But if you don't want to hear it, I will
stop.
Please help me understand where you were coming from when you said
that, help me see what you are seeing when you look at me and my
sweetie together and say that he is not suitable for me (???)
-E
=================================================================
From: X
To: E
Subject: Re: Just curious
Oh sweetie-
I adore Tom and think that he is perfect for you. I was just kinda
devil's advocating the "mess" thing, and I was tired and hungry so my
words were probably screwy. I think you and Tom fit each other very
well, and I know that you wouldn't put up with anything that drives
you crazy for real. I "vent" frequently about my situations and know
that when you complain about the mess that you are only venting and
not really complaining. I was feeling no ill will towards you or Uncle
Moon when my comments ( which I only vaguely remember ) were made. I
had been having a pretty sarcastic day ( still am, it is my current
mood and coping mechanism). I think I was just trying to say "hey I've
heard this complaint before, maybe you should get better, if that is
what you want", whenever you have told me to get better I have always
said there is no better, and that is precisely what you told me. As
far as saying it in front of J, I say everything in front of
her. I do not hide who and what I am or the kinds of conversations
people have with each other from my children, and since I wasn't
feeling particularly malicious , I just didn't think. I'm sorry. Not
thinking is something I am frequently guilty of, and I had gotten no
sleep the night before our outing because of Forrest. So even though i
wasn't feeling cranky and i was really happy to be out there with you,
I guess I just sounded bithchy. If I had a problem with Tom I
would've told you years ago. I often tell the kids when they complain
about something they have to get rid of it, go ahead and throw it away
and get a better one, cuz heck everyone deserves the best. to which
the child will respond, "oh no, I don't want to get rid of that . I
love it" . So please don't uninvite Tom. I think he is a great
deal of fun and we had such a good time together the last time we all
went to 6 flags together. And also if I say or do something that
leaves you feeling unsure of my intent, don't hesitate to say what do
you mean by that? Even if it is in front of the kids. Seeing people
who love each other disagree or even fight isn't a terrible thing. It
teaches children that conflict can be resolved, and that fighting is
natural, and people can disagree with each other , and not have to end
a friendship over it.
I love you please forgive me.
X
=============================================
I will forward X's response to Jen. It seems very un-genuine to me,
and more like she's making excuses for herself than really feeling
sorry for hurting my feelings. I don't give a shit what she talks
about in front of J, she can tell J all her own dirty details
(which I'm sure she doesn't really) but she has no business discussing
MY private life in front of J. *sigh* another friend I can't
vent about Tom to/with. Ah well. I don't even remember bitching about
Tom at the moment she piped up with that comment, so maybe it really
is something I should be more mindful of.
no subject
Date: 2019-11-09 03:20 pm (UTC)Jun. 25, 2002
Well, I've decided to test X's little "I talk about everythign in
front of J" by bringing up what a little druggie slut she was
when she was J's age or just a little older. Won't that be fun?
Ok, probably not. But X is such a fucking hypocrite, it disgusts
me. Talking about how Goldrie won't discuss what she and her husband
did for a living before they got married and had kids (they were
both 'exotic dancers') and then all this other crap. I'm not
interested in that kind of friendship. Very kathleen--talk shit about
whoever's not in the room. I am over that.
Horoscopes for today:
Taurus
Horoscope (by astrocenter.com)
Events over the past few days, perhaps information coming from far
away, could have your mind buzzing with new and revolutionary ideas
that you've never considered before. This might involve new business
opportunities, new spiritual concepts, or possible lifestyle changes
that you find particularly appealing. Don't let your enthusiasm run
away with you, however. Consider all the ins and outs, dear Taurus,
and wait a few days before getting serious about it all.
Gemini
Horoscope (by astrocenter.com)
New information, which comes to you from someone you do business
with, might have you considering new investment possibilities. Take
care, however. All is not quite as rosy as it seems! Wait awhile,
then, if you still feel so inclined, take a close look at the facts
involved. Some interesting dreams could inspire you to read about
specific subjects, perhaps the sciences or the occult. You'll
probably absorb a lot of information, dear Gemini, so go to it!
====================================================================
Reply
Delete
no subject
Date: 2019-11-09 03:25 pm (UTC)Jun. 25, 2002
First: Epiphany. Very painful, unpleasant epiphany. I sent it to Jen
as follows:
Really serious horrible epiphany re: X.
She uses me shamefully. And I have unquestioningly put up with it for
a very long time.
What started out as an outing for me and J to celebrate the end of
summer/beginning of school year (going to 6 flags or similar place
the day before school starts) has now become me treating the entire
A. family to a day at an amusement park. (at $20 a pop per
person, no less! AND I get the children treats and souvenirs at the
park, so it turns into a serious expense for me. Probably all of my
August disposable income and half of my July will be spent on this
one day)
What started out as me letting X cook and host Thanksgiving at my
house is now me buying food, cooking and cleaning for her horde of
people (supposedly it's all on me this year only, since it's her
Bday, but I can see her manipulating it into my event completely
forever) Sure, I have people to take care of at Thanksgiving too, but
my bunch is half or LESS the total number of people who end up at my
house for it.
Then we have J's 13th bday in March next year; a very special
bday. Turns out Mystere will be playing only through 2003, so it was
an idea (I can't remember whose anymore) to take J to Vegas to see
Cirque Du Soleil's Mystere for her big #13. Then somehow it was not
me and J, but Me and X and J.
FUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, X!
I am NOT doing Thanksgiving this year, my finances won't allow it,
even if I did want to do it, and i am NOT paying for her ass to come
to Vegas and treat me like shit and talk down to me while I pay for
her and her fatty brat daughter to eat and see a $100 show and live
like queens & princesses. I will tell her that I can only afford to
take J, and if she wants to come she will have to buy her own
plane ticket and her own Mystere ticket.
I am just fucking floored that she has gotten away with using me so
much already, and that I was just taking it, and not even thinking
for a second about what I am giving versus what I am getting from this
relationship. She never calls to say hi, she always calls when she
needs something from me. She never just wants to go out and do girl-
stuff together, it's always her wanting me to take the kids off her
hands or something simliar.
God damn I am a fool.
Okay, I know that our relationship can't be $$-equal, because they
are a one income family with 3 kids to feed and clothe. But it should
be a time and caring and loving equal, and I have finally opened up
my goddamned stupid eyes and seen that she is no better, and maybe
even worse than SIL in using me only for what I can do or give, and
doesnt' really give a rat's ass about me as a human being.
At least with SIL, it's a completely honest, transparent
user-relationship. I know she wants to use me, what for and why, and I
will decide how much to allow that usage, what is worth trading to
spend time with E.
I'm so angry with myself for letting myself be used as a fucking
sugar-momma or wahtever the fuck. I am just furious at X, too.
God damn. God damn.
-E
no subject
Date: 2019-11-09 03:27 pm (UTC)Jun. 25, 2002
I sent this to X:
================================================================
Subject: I'm sorry
I know I said I wasn't going to go on in this topic any further, but I
just have one more question/idea for you to consider.
You said Tom is "obviously unsuitable" for me, in the presence of
your 12 year old child and her young friend.
You said this as a 'joke' or as 'sarcasm' or as a 'devil's advocate'.
If I, as a 32 year old, fairly worldly person didn't get the 'joke',
what are the odds that your children didn't get it either? And what
are the chances of J thinking that maybe she shouldn't like
Uncle Moon because Mommy doesn't, and AuntE might not, either?
I was a psych major, and I've studied communication and cognitive
development. At 12-13, the child's brain is just starting to get the
nuances of sarcasm and irony, but they won't be as obvious to a
developing brain as they are to an adult brain. Perhaps J's
emotional and intellectual development are ahead of the curve, and
maybe her brain map is also advanced, but I suggest to you that this
brand of humor/playacting may not be interpreted as 'funny' or 'just
play' to a child's mind.
Anyway, as I said before, I will refrain from complaining about Tom in
your presence or that of your children, and I hope that will fix
things.
-E