218 "betrayal bonds" -from non bp nook

[evile]

 

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  "Exploitive relationships create betrayal bonds. These occur when a
  victim bonds with someone who is destructive to him or her. The worst
  is a mind numbing highly addictive attachment to the people who have
  hurt you. You may even blame yourself, your defects, your failed
  efforts. You strive to do better as your life slips away in a swirl
  of the intensity. These attachments cause you to distrust your own
  judgement, distort your own realities and place yourself at even
  greater risk. The great irony? You are bracing yourself against
  further hurt. The result? A guarantee of more pain. These
  attachments have a name. They are called betrayal bonds. A number of
  signs indicate the presence of a betrayal bond:
  
  1.When everyone around you has strong negative reactions, yet you
  continue covering up, defending or explaining a relationship.
  2.When there is a constant pattern of non-performance yet you
  continue to believe false promises.
  3.When there are repetitive destructive fights that nobody wins.
  4.When others are horrified by something that happens to you and you
  are not
  5.When you obsess over showing someone that he or she is wrong about
  you, your relationship, or the person's treatment of you
  6.When you feel stuck because you know what the other person is doing
  is destructive but believe you cannot do anything about it
  7.When you feel loyal to someone even though you harbor secrets that
  are damaging to others
  8.When you move closer to someone you know is destructive to you with
  the desire to converting them to a non-abuser
  9.When someones talents, charisma or contributions cause you to
  overlook destructive, exploitive or degrading acts
  10.When you cannot detach from someone even though you do not trust,
  like or care for them
  11.When you find yourself missing a relationship, even to a point of
  nostalgia and longing, that was so awful it almost destroyed you
  12.When extraordinary demands are placed on you to measure up as away
  to cover up that you've been exploited
  13.When you keep secret someones destructive behavior toward you
  because of all the good they have done or the importance of their
  position or career
  14.When the history of your relationship is about contracts or
  promises that have been broken and that you are asked to overlook"
  
  
  The book is "The Betrayal Bond" by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.