(no subject)

hot tip: most of us don't make it to the end of our lives as 'able bodied' individuals. When people commit to a relationship 'until death do us part' we may not understand at the time exactly what we are saying. Relationships can go from a passionate meeting of healthy bodies, with fireworks and explosions, to a companionate affection, to a caregiver and his or her cared-for human. No one goes into life expecting or wanting to become disabled. But I can guarantee you that if you live long enough, at some point, you will become temporarily or permanently in need of assistance, even if you are 100% able bodied/able minded to start out. And your spouse may or may not be able or willing to make that transition, permanently or even temporarily*. And for the health and well being of all concerned, everyone has to be Ok with that. A relationship that one or both people can't leave is a hostage situation, not a marriage.

(*One of the things that signaled the beginning of  the end for my relationship with 'Sweetie' was an incident that left me injured for about 11 weeks. On crutches, not able to do my usual stuff. I was in tears and despair when I realized that I did not have a partner who was able or willing to step up and care for me or even take over my household tasks while I was recovering.  We both made future choices accordingly.)

A 21 year old kid can't possibly imagine that kind of un-romantic 'growing old together'. At the age most of us make our first marriages or long term romantic attachments, many of us don't even see our parents at that stage of THEIR relationships. It is only as we slide into middle age that we see what 'til death do us part' actually means, and what a responsibility we have taken on.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing to do. I'm just saying there are some promises we make in our youth that we don't understand fully until 20 or 30 or 40 years later, and they're not always promises that we are able or willing to keep once that reality sets in. It doesn't make anyone a bad person, or a liar, or an oathbreaker, or whatever, to realize the limits of their ability to do and give for another....and need a way out. If you can stick it out and make that transition and continue to be there for your partner in the way that they need and not get sick and crazy yourself, great for you. If not, hey, you are a human being and no one has the right to beat you down about it, more than you undoubtedly have agonized and beat on yourself before you got to the point where you had to make that choice.   

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written as response/thoughts related to this:

 

Hot tip, if you get into a committed relationship with someone that has chronic health issues please please please understand that, that person may not be able to do anything for themselves for weeks to months at a time and a large burden is going to fall on you. Take the time to make sure you're able to handle it before you commit.

My favorite quote from my doctor was, “it can’t really be that bad if you are still working and doing everything you do."

I told him, I didn’t know I had a choice.

Years in pain, tired and the many changes in me for no reason or apparent reason ... Hiding everything from someone else, pretending to be doing better than you are; until it no longer works. No matter how strong you want to be.

Then the moment comes when they tell you what you have ... You have mixed feelings: you might finally know what you have, but how do you deal with it?

Lack of encouragement, wanting to lie down, taking medication frequently; having a whole pharmacy on top of the nightstand.

Then, the daily responses, "How did you get so fat/skinny?" “I have this great diet you can try, if you just go out and exercise."

That once beautiful hair of yours now thinning and falling out...

What happened to you??....

This is all true and that's why I'm sharing it!

Silent and invisible diseases do exist ...

When you have an invisible disease it is difficult to argue from your perspective.

Life takes a lot of turns !!!

Tired of being told:

* Did you go to the doctor?

* Have you tried this?

* Have you tried that?

* I don’t know what else we can do for you...

Yes! I tried and still try everything !!!

Doctors say this disease is forever. That I will not heal. However, I am not giving up, but I want to make others realize:

* A nap will not cure me

* I am not lazy, I take medication and it sometimes makes me sleepy.

* I am not angry, but sometimes cranky in pain.

* I struggle daily with discomfort, mobility problems, fatigue, and the criticism of my environment.

Most frustratingly, people look at me and say, "It can't be that bad; you look good!"

Despite the fact that my body is experiencing excruciating pain everywhere, of course I look good, I always try to look good, it is an "invisible" disease.

This disease affects me physically, mentally and emotionally. Because rare autoimmune diseases cannot be seen, but we feel them.

And they are there ... Silent attack but extra painful.