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It's hard to measure good by absences
May. 22nd, 2023 09:42 am I had this thought on my morning walk with the dogs today. Seems that while I was walking, the way it sounded in my head was phrased somewhat more elegantly or something...but basically I was noticing that my left hip wasn't giving me grief on uphill walks today. Which was nice. Which made me think of other absences I take for granted - It's been 20 years or more since I was hungry and had no food and no money to buy food. I haven't felt lonely and miserable for ages, I have a good husband and while I don't spend as much time with friends or family as I could or should, I know there are people out there I could call, who care about me. That has not always been the case, whether they weren't there or I just didn't feel they were there, whichever. No brainworms in a while; the absence of anxiety and depression is ....well, I don't have words to explain or describe how nice it is to not have those howling screaming evil nasty feelings pounding away at me inside, all the fucking time. I'm not a terrible person, I'm not worthless, everyone doesn't hate me. wow. that's nice.
So, yeah, this semi-bootleg sort of off label triple reuptake inhibitor is doing great for my brainmeats. And I tried red light therapy on Friday and while it was going on I felt pleasant and content. no 'high' like getting a massage or the like, just a 'goodness'. And, walking today I noticed 'hey, no hip pain'. So I think I'll do that again, maybe make a regular habit of it. Supposedly red light therapy is good for mental health as well....I am trying to remain skeptical about the more 'woo woo' bits of the sales pitch, but who knows? I do know people, relatives even, with SAD who need regular light to fight regular depression, so it could be a thing.
I can't remember a time when I woke up without physical pain of some kind. I took it for granted when I was young and healthy and my body had no accumulated damage. That's the kind of 'take for granted' we do when there is an absence of bad ....it's hard to see the good because it's just...there. part of life. Nohing to remark on. Until you've had a bad and then it's gone and you notice how good it is not to have that bad.
But...carrying those pains, hungers, stresses, you don't notice them as hindrances when they're constant, they're hard to see. Sometimes even hard to feel, anymore. They're just normal.
Anyway....life is good. Both for what I have and enjoy, and for the things that I no longer have that were unpleasant and burdensome. It's not an amazing euphoria 'my life is totally fixed' but it is a pleasant calm serenity and I like it.
So, yeah, this semi-bootleg sort of off label triple reuptake inhibitor is doing great for my brainmeats. And I tried red light therapy on Friday and while it was going on I felt pleasant and content. no 'high' like getting a massage or the like, just a 'goodness'. And, walking today I noticed 'hey, no hip pain'. So I think I'll do that again, maybe make a regular habit of it. Supposedly red light therapy is good for mental health as well....I am trying to remain skeptical about the more 'woo woo' bits of the sales pitch, but who knows? I do know people, relatives even, with SAD who need regular light to fight regular depression, so it could be a thing.
I can't remember a time when I woke up without physical pain of some kind. I took it for granted when I was young and healthy and my body had no accumulated damage. That's the kind of 'take for granted' we do when there is an absence of bad ....it's hard to see the good because it's just...there. part of life. Nohing to remark on. Until you've had a bad and then it's gone and you notice how good it is not to have that bad.
But...carrying those pains, hungers, stresses, you don't notice them as hindrances when they're constant, they're hard to see. Sometimes even hard to feel, anymore. They're just normal.
Anyway....life is good. Both for what I have and enjoy, and for the things that I no longer have that were unpleasant and burdensome. It's not an amazing euphoria 'my life is totally fixed' but it is a pleasant calm serenity and I like it.
