Family stuff

 my mother is in the hospital with a broken hip, after going from a 'respite' assisted living home to 'memory care' in the same facility. She was on Effexor for a while which apparently caused suicidal ideation and she ODed on Effexor a few weeks ago, which is why she went to respite, i think? She' d also been leaving the house without appropriate clothing for the weather (american midwest, it's winter there)... stuff like that.

Effexor sucks, btw. I took it for some amount of time and my memory is absolutely gone from that time of my life. get up, go to work, come home, fix supper, sleep in front of the tv, sleep in the bed, repeat repeat repeat....no feelings one way or another, no energy, no thoughts or memory either apparently. oh well.

 

My stepdad had planned to retire at the end of this school year to take care of her, but now that she's in a memory care place for the duratiaon, her care is going to basically take up his salary while he lives off their social security income, and possibly starts to dip into retirement savings if needed. He may or may not keep working. he wants to but the University where he works is planning some layoffs so he may not get the option. He says he's got it covered, regardless.

 

Anyhoo, she's in the hospital for now. He says he doesn't need me up there for anything but Im welcome to come if I feel I need to.

 

My mom...my relationship with my mom.....problematic. My upbringing was verbally abusive, chaotic, neglectful. My mom is a covert narcissist, perpetual victim, very emotionally volatile... I grew up faster than I should have, emotionally care taking her rather than being a kid. Becoming avoidant/codependent. But it's something I feel I've given myself closure about; I don't think she' d be interested in seeing me either way. I'd be going to be supportive of my dad, honestly. Whether he'd see it that way or not.

 

Talked with my sister  H and my aunt L (Mom's sister) on the phone today. Independently, they both brought up my grandmother's death--she received a diagnosis of lung cancer, said "Ok, gonna go die now,' went to bed and died in short order. My sister mentioned that when mom tells that story, it is with admiration in her voice. Aunt L. mentioned the same story, but worried that is my mom's plan as well, to just sort of 'will' herself to death. Stubborn women in our family....

Anyway....yes, antidepressants can cause suicidal thoughts and she's no longer on that particular one, but.

 

She also attempted suicide at least one other time I know of, when she was a teenager. Around the same time as her father committed suicide. So...it's not like the pills are the only factor.

 

Anyhoo....I am sad for my stepdad but if my mom is done, she's done, and she shouldn't be dragged out for anyone else's comfort or peace of mind.