Feb. 5th, 2023

evile: (declutter)
 we lost power Wednesday morning around 8:15.  Got it back Saturday afternoon around 3:30.  Temps were at and below freezing Tuesday, Wednesday, and some of Thursday.  Thax stayed home Tuesday-Friday, ice on the road Tuesday and then power out at his office for the rest of the week. I lost 3 days of work, no pay. Thax will probably have to take personal leave time to cover his lost work, which sucks. It's not his fault Austin and Texas are basically failing & trending toward third world locations at this point.  As I say about Belize vs Tx:  Texas is on its way down. Belize is improving itself. Quality of life here may be a little better right now but the prevailing ignorance, attitudes, dishonesty,and hatefulness of TX is becoming a bigger and bigger problem for me. I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to put up with such a hostile, hateful, backwards, awful place and still live and be sane(ish)....Thax, of course, is still not willing to leave.  I love him too much to leave by myself but at some point I may not be able to continue to be alive and sane and continue to choose him and here. I don't know what I'm going to do about that. 2024 is probably going to be the end, one way or another, of one thing or another.  I don't mean to be vague but I'm still not sure what my exit strategy is...personal un-aliving (how to do because I am a coward who hates pain), or ditching everything and everyone I love and trying to live with the guilt of that.... I really don't know.  Knowing that my personal mental health and stability are so fragile that 4 days of no electricity can send me to this place is.....bad. I'm mostly numb and gone right now but that's not a great strategy either. I dunno I dunno. I think somewhere in there I am fucking furious but I don't have any place to send that so it's just int he background,someplace. 

While it was below freezing, we turned on the gas fireplace, dragged the futon mattress from the front room, piled up blankets and pillows and 'camped'. That was not terribly comfortable but we lived.  Took thawed meat out of the fridge and cooked it in the bbq pit outside. Heated water in a pot over the fireplace.  I found a camp stove in the garage and my brother A. had a small propane bottle for one of his crafting tools, so we used that a couple of times to warm water and leftovers. We ate, slept, read while we had light, walked dogs once the ice was gone. I didn't want to risk a slip and fall while it was icy so the dogs missed a day of walking. 



Our property is ok. No big limbs down at our house. Lots of lost limbs around the neighborhood and in the park near our house. We heard the trees cracking and falling Tuesday night and Wednesday. 

Lost a lot of food out of the indoor fridge and freezer. The garage fridge/freezer stayed cold enough that I think it's OK. I didn't open the freezer at all the whole time.

Dogs are fine. 


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