Sep. 30th, 2022

evile: (mask)
How is karma related to being a narcissist survivor? Did the survivor “deserve” the narcissist’s treatment of them?


 NONo one deserves to be abused. No one. Not the narcissist, not the narcissist’s victim, not Hitler, not Jeffrey Dahmer. No one.

There is a HUGE difference between being abused and receiving justice, or receiving consequences for ones own behavior!

Karma is a concept that comes from Eastern religion and philosophy. “Karma” is badly understood, misinterpreted, and applied in faulty ways by people in western society. It has nothing to do with abuse.

What I can say about narcissist victims & survivors of abuse is that in many cases, people who grew up in chaotic or abusive households as children grow up to become codependent enablers, if they do not become abusers themselves.

Chaotic, mentally ill, and/or addicted parents engrain certain behavior patterns and emotional patterns in their children. The cycles of abuse and neglect experienced by a small child become something that feels normal. The adult child seeks out relationships that are similar to what they experienced as children. Their ideas about love, how it feels and how it looks, are horrendously deformed and warped versions of what real love, kindness, and caring look and feel like. So if they do not receive therapy and counseling they will re-create the toxic environment they grew up in by choosing a narcissist abuser, addict, alcoholic, etc. as a spouse or significant other.

It’s not karma, it’s recreating a trauma bond. It’s Stockholm Syndrome. Until the abuser’s target realizes that they do not deserve the abuse, they will keep choosing abusive relationships. It’s not karma, it’s a wound. It’s battle damage.


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evile: (mask)
What should I do if I just found out my narcissist has cheated and lied for some good time and has been having different personalities, listens to others, manipulates me, and plays mind games?

First, most important:
 do not confront the narcissist. Do not speak to them about what you've found out. That just gives them an opportunity to gaslight and DARVO you, shut down  your finances, deprive you of your home or transportation, or possibly even harm you physically.

Gather your important papers: ID, birth certificate, passport, bank records, etc. Make sure your bank account, credit cards, etc. are secure and the narc cannot access them. Lock down social media. Get a new phone and new phone number that the narcissist does not know. Find a safe place to live that the narc will not know about. LEAVE. And do not speak to or contact the narcissist ever again.
 


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