evile

If a father is narcissistic and a mother is codependent, can narcissistic children feel empathy for others, but not the scapegoat?

The ability to feel empathy is not a narcissistic trait. People who are clinically diagnosed with NPD are not capable of feeling empathy.

People who are raised by disordered parents may display a lot of the disordered behavior traits learned from observing their family of origin. The fact that they also feel empathy should indicate that even though they have not been taught appropriate behavior and have not been able to observe the normal expression of emotions, they are still normal people with normal emotions. With time and therapy, they can become fully functional human beings.

Being raised by an abusive or narcissistic caregiver means that the child learns from a very early age that any act of kindness or caring towards the target of the narcissist may direct the narcissist abuser to direct the abusive behavior at the person expressing kindness and empathy. Unfortunately for everyone concerned, the instinct for self protection and self preservation will often override the human compulsion towards kindness and empathy. The child will quickly learn that it’s safer for them to either join the narc in mistreating the scapegoat, or to at least turn a blind eye toward the scapegoat’s suffering. Denial is another powerful self-protective mechanism. They may not be able to even see that the narcissist is abusing the scapegoat for no good reason. They may rationalize that the scapegoat deserves it in some way, just to quell their natural human impulse toward empathy and kindness.

Neurotypical, non-narcissistic children raised by narcissistic and/or codependent parents will eventually learn that their kindness and empathy are welcome and normal in situations outside the home. They may be able to form healthy and normal connections with other people outside of their family of origin, but when they are with their family of origin, the sick behavior that allowed them to survive their childhoods will more than likely come back as an easy habit, including a tendency to join the narc in blaming, shaming, ignoring, or mistreating the scapegoat.

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